Thursday, November 19, 2015

I lived in a bubble

I'm writing this post with so much pain in my heart. It is over between me and the gay piano teacher. My previous posts speaks about how damn I was involved with him. All those signs of kindness, interest, desire to speak with me, was all fake I guess. We were so close to be true buds.

From a long time, I observed how without any kind of plan, he was coming to the class to teach. This kind of behavior started after my trip from India. After taking his approval,  I had planned for a major piano concerto competition along with RCM exams which was his idea. My kids do duet too for every recital. This time we thought to do Mozart concerto. When you're dealing with such a high demand, as a teacher you need to have a concrete plan. Otherwise,  time will just pass and at the end, nothing looks like achieved.

So due to that reason, I indirectly twice managed to get my message delivered. As usual, he had no problem. Took it for a stride, but nothing majorly happened to execute the plan to deliver the intended results. After he did not even inform the theory exam date beforehand, and letting me know only after I texted to request whether he is interested to watch their recordings. He said yes for viewing the recordings, and informed about that day's theory test, which was about to happen in couple of hours.

After this experience and once he canceled the concerto duo as my daughter was not prepared, at the end of the class in most casual way, asked him why he can't plan about what to teach in the class. He got all offended and laid out the plan for next week, and commented is these is what you want, that I have to sound imperious. Humorously,  I said, "perfect. It sounds more like a man with a plan." well, I did not know what imperious meant during that time.

While exiting the classroom door, I asked whether we are still friends. At that time, wow---I've never seen anybody being that angry with me--he turned his head towards me and looked into my eyes directly and said, "don't try to mess with me now."After that he warned me and said, " from now on, I'll control everything."

After that I sent sorry by email and text, but he was still angry. In yesterday's class, his demeanor was so different...outside totally charming, but inside lot of anger. At the end of the class, I asked "do you wanna talk?" He said, " after last week's talk, I've no time for talking."

And he said, " I'll not do the concerto competition as that is not my priority now.", and he said, "from now on I'll set boundaries."

Later cool as a cucumber, he asks me, "so are you guys having huge thanksgiving party?" Nothing was paining or bothering him and has no fear of us quitting.  He doesn't care about anything anymore.

How can a nice guy suddenly turn unkind? Was I in a bubble? The rapport, the connection we had did not mean anything to him. He wanted to hurt me with his words, with his attitude...with his deeds.

Why couldn't he ask in a nice and caring way--on what basis did you reach your conclusion that I come unprepared to the class. Why he did not try for an open dialogue? Why antipathy? Why to twist my words and be mean/rude/hurtful? What happened to his goodness, his friendship..why this distance?

Currently with a heavy heart, I'm looking for a new piano teacher.  I hate to start all over again.

No comments:

Post a Comment