Thursday, November 19, 2015

I lived in a bubble

I'm writing this post with so much pain in my heart. It is over between me and the gay piano teacher. My previous posts speaks about how damn I was involved with him. All those signs of kindness, interest, desire to speak with me, was all fake I guess. We were so close to be true buds.

From a long time, I observed how without any kind of plan, he was coming to the class to teach. This kind of behavior started after my trip from India. After taking his approval,  I had planned for a major piano concerto competition along with RCM exams which was his idea. My kids do duet too for every recital. This time we thought to do Mozart concerto. When you're dealing with such a high demand, as a teacher you need to have a concrete plan. Otherwise,  time will just pass and at the end, nothing looks like achieved.

So due to that reason, I indirectly twice managed to get my message delivered. As usual, he had no problem. Took it for a stride, but nothing majorly happened to execute the plan to deliver the intended results. After he did not even inform the theory exam date beforehand, and letting me know only after I texted to request whether he is interested to watch their recordings. He said yes for viewing the recordings, and informed about that day's theory test, which was about to happen in couple of hours.

After this experience and once he canceled the concerto duo as my daughter was not prepared, at the end of the class in most casual way, asked him why he can't plan about what to teach in the class. He got all offended and laid out the plan for next week, and commented is these is what you want, that I have to sound imperious. Humorously,  I said, "perfect. It sounds more like a man with a plan." well, I did not know what imperious meant during that time.

While exiting the classroom door, I asked whether we are still friends. At that time, wow---I've never seen anybody being that angry with me--he turned his head towards me and looked into my eyes directly and said, "don't try to mess with me now."After that he warned me and said, " from now on, I'll control everything."

After that I sent sorry by email and text, but he was still angry. In yesterday's class, his demeanor was so different...outside totally charming, but inside lot of anger. At the end of the class, I asked "do you wanna talk?" He said, " after last week's talk, I've no time for talking."

And he said, " I'll not do the concerto competition as that is not my priority now.", and he said, "from now on I'll set boundaries."

Later cool as a cucumber, he asks me, "so are you guys having huge thanksgiving party?" Nothing was paining or bothering him and has no fear of us quitting.  He doesn't care about anything anymore.

How can a nice guy suddenly turn unkind? Was I in a bubble? The rapport, the connection we had did not mean anything to him. He wanted to hurt me with his words, with his attitude...with his deeds.

Why couldn't he ask in a nice and caring way--on what basis did you reach your conclusion that I come unprepared to the class. Why he did not try for an open dialogue? Why antipathy? Why to twist my words and be mean/rude/hurtful? What happened to his goodness, his friendship..why this distance?

Currently with a heavy heart, I'm looking for a new piano teacher.  I hate to start all over again.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Misery of getting attached to people

I'm going to try one last time to communicate with you after that it is up to you.

They say, it's not difficult to be good when everything is going well...

You've the power to wipe off this misery if you're willing to forgive. I'm still the same person you once cared for. I understand nobody behaves rudely until and unless their feelings are hurt badly.

Honestly, I'm telling you that day I thought I was communicating casually just like many off topics we discuss...sometimes you agree, and sometimes you let me know your opinion. And that's how I perceived the whole thing, without picking up your cues. That's why the whole stupid laugh in the corridor. 

I really like you, M, just the way you used to like me. I will not do anything purposefully to hurt you. You've more good in you, than what I talked on that day.  This is when you've to think about how many positive things I talked about you in the past. You should not throw away everything, just because of one day. I really care for you. Trust me, your silence hurts me a lot. 

************************************************

The accusation that I "had not planned" struck a raw nerve with me. However, I am not so fickle as to not like you as a result. I need space to move forward. 

Boarding a plane now for Philadelphia. Have a good weekend.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Good times

Yes please do.  I signed up again with a new email address. My teacher number is *****, email is *****. And I used this phone number as the primary contact number. 

I also ordered 2015 advanced rudiments papers for [daughter] to see when they arrive. 

And I practiced the Shostakovich. 😉

Sneaky how you hijacked my calendar. 😜


Yay, you practiced!!!! 
I'm so happy to hear you say that you practiced!!!! It will be so unbelievably wonderful to hear you play along with [son]. Thank you so much for taking it seriously!! Golden words "And I practiced the Shostakovich."

Sneaky...yes!😆
Yes!! Teehee...well played. :-)
Well, you asked to remind you!!😉
Thank you!!  Done well!! My part is quite slow now, but it will work for rehearsals. 

All I care is you practiced! Like I said, " I'm so happy."

It has been quite a ride. I've actually been practicing quite consistently for a few weeks now. Select repertoire. Bach P&F, Rachmaninov prelude and Debussy Arabesque. It's all so beautiful and the Shostakovich is so energetic. :-)
Yeah, keeping life in balance now. Practice, exercise, work, reading and walking my dog. 😀
Life is quite good. 

Awesome!!! I thought you gave up on practicing. I thought you don't even enjoy playing piano. I'm so happy for you!!!

No, not at all...I just had to rekindle the love I have for the music and separate the work from the joy of making music. Sometimes it is a long process. :-)

Well, you're on the right path. I always enjoyed listening to music, but the way you analyze the piece exposes the beauty in much deeper level.
Anyway, good night!! Cheers to your practice!!!

Thank you!!  Good night. :-)

Well, I'm not going to spoil my mood because of some dumb stuff, when I've this one to smile about "And I practiced the Shostakovich"

😀

Thank you for showing me your sincere side yesterday. I loved seeing you having total control over everything. Hands down the best class so far!! Do I have your permission to visualize you both playing that piece for the recital? It will be the brightest and proudest moment in son's life to perform along with his teacher. It will be just amazing....something to look forward to....will be unforgettable experience for the audience. I think I'm already visualizing...😆 As you are enjoying the process of practicing, let us not stop ourselves to the indoor sessions.👍🏽 Btw, will they perform Mozart concerto second movement for the recital?

Perhaps. Right now I'll just enjoy the process. It was a great class and I loved sharing my sincere love of music with everyone in the room. ☺️

I cherished watching your sincerity. If I'm allowed to say -- truly proud of you. 
Thank you!!  I'm working to let that side out more. ☺️