Friday, October 9, 2015

I always get everything wrong!!

How should I start to explain about my misery?

Watch this Trident commercial:

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay, would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you

I guess I just want to have such a moment with someone and it has to last forever. Oh yeah, I had that moment with the Lufthansa flight attendant, but I don't want to think or feel about him. Anyway, he doesn't make sense to me right now.

Here I'm with this gay teacher. God, I got everything so wrong about him. Of course, that should not be a surprise --- he is gay. frustrating. Ahh...his mixed signals...I'm so angry, disappointed...and disgusted with myself.

Like last year, my kids had a chance to participate in a trio piano concert. That means I thought I'll get a chance to spend time with the concert together by sitting next to each other, but oh god, he crushed it so hard that I'm here without words and in shock about the bullshit ride I was riding within my head. I'm really not interested in any romantic involvement, but I want someone like him to be interested in me, to have plans to do things with me...more like being crazy for me. Sometimes that's how I feel the way he looks at me, his body language....he likes me, he looks forward to meet me, talks with me...shares things with me. I do crave for such things. It makes life to be alive. Someone appreciating you and your beauty and your personality, makes life so worthwhile.

My recent conversation with him:
ME: Hi, 

Is there anyway possible for me to get hold of the other room key without disturbing the class? 


HIM: I'll try to remember to open it, but I don't mind the interruption. :-)

ME: Maybe not you, but others might be 😏

HIM: It's ok, I'm in charge. :)

ME: 👍🏽 Thank you for not minding the interruption!😊

I swear to myself that I'll never ever again fall into such trap, ever again with him.
Just totally s***!! It is really amazing, once someone can be your object of affection, you want ro care, nurture...and give your atmost attention, and next thing you know, you don't even want to see there face.

I cannot run away. He is my kids music teacher. And he has good knowledge about music even though he cannot play well at all, and if he works hard and be sincere, he can even make them win competitions.

Other than being muted, if any other thought comes about him, I seriously decided to slap myself from now on.

Cut it out, you crazy!!!