Friday, May 22, 2015

My American Dream

 My head is spinning. I know I have low blood pressure. My life is wasting away. Same problems, same scenarios, but just another year of life. Seventeen years of marriage...seventeen years sucks!!

Personally, no progress in my life if I don't consider motherhood. Seventeen years, all I have witnessed is I'm not good enough to be loved, not good enough to be given importance...I have to accept what is thrown at me. Nobody is helping me out, not even God. He is just silent. So signal from anywhere. I really really wish that there is someone out there who is ready to do anything for me, like I'm no. 1 priority. Wish I could find that person who can show my husband of how I should be treated special, how I'm priceless, how I deserve to be happy, how every wish of mine be regarded as worthy to be considered, how my happiness is high above in the priority list. 

Everybody comes to America to fulfill their dreams. What other place on earth my dream can become reality other than in America. So I've to be out in the world so that this special person can see me. I know it will happen. Then I will be the happiest person in the world. So happy that I'll not be able to believe in my luck. People who patiently wait will get the ultimate prize. So it will happen, just wait patiently. Your troubles will go away. Treatment of unworthiness will disappear. There will be happy ending!!

Every time I see my kids music teacher, it breaks my heart. He is a hopeless candidate. The hell why he has to be a gay. He will never find anything special in me. I meet so less guys in my life to talk or mingle or spend sometime. And this guy is so disappointing that he gives me so much pain. It is not that I like him, but at least I would have somehow made my husband jealous and that would have threatened his own existence in this marriage.  I always thought the music teacher totally may not be for guys, but omg, I'm so wrong when I came to know that he attended naked make oriented yoga classes. I know he gives a damn to me. Yeah, just like everyone. I don't even feel like talking with him anymore. I feel like shouting---why the hell I should meet a gay guy?

All the glances, the special lengthy talks have no damn meaning, it was all just to keep the client happy, for his piano studio to thrive. My good chance of meeting and talking with an opposite sex is taken away. 

Never mind, my search will go on. Let America fulfill my dream.


Auf Wiedersehen

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