Monday, September 15, 2014

It doesn't take long for things to become nasty

Yes, It doesn't take long for things to become nasty, that too when I'm involved in.

Even though I do not want to cry, but I'm. I want to be rough, but I'm just an idiot who takes actions, but don't know how to deal with the reaction.

Sometimes you have to trust your instincts, when I sent an email with the below questions to interview a successful pianist to my kids' teacher, I felt that he might get upset as it happened before too-whenever piano competitions talk comes, he expects that if everything goes all right too, chances of winning is very odd. Even though I had this instinct of him getting upset, I went ahead and sent to him, thinking that he will be okay.

Sample questions:
What is the best thing about participating in piano competitions?

What are the key things a pianist need to poses to be a winner in competitions?

Do you think it is essential for a pianist to win or get some kind of recognition every time they participate in competitions?

Based on your experience and successes, what are some effective ways to practice piano? 

Describe your experience about performing with an orchestra? 

From that day onwards, his communication over messages were just to the point. We have to realize that even tone of our text delivers our mental state. Later on, he did not even bother to reply. So next day, I repeated the same question. Then he answered, but again it was to the point. So I jokingly verified the reason behind his unemoticon texts. As usual, people push it on being busy at work. Ha!

That day I asked him whether I can help him out by recording the master class. For which, he did not reply. So for next day class, I was gloomy and disturbed that why people insult me by not replying. Why they don't think that I deserve reply and respect? As usual he said some lies to cover up, but I was already disheartened with his mannerisms, lies, coverup. Why can't people speak truth, confront the other person by letting them know what bothered them. But no, they don't, fear of showing any kind of weakness. Of course, they are comfortable with lies, but don't want to deal with feelings. Oooh, feelings!!!

But by second class, I was okay, at least I started looking him in the eye. To my surprise he became alright and outwardly, we started talking normally, and he even for the first time, wished me to have a great week.

Next day, it was his birthday. I planned from  long time to surprise and wish him on that day. So I kept my angry thoughts aside and wished him wholeheartedly.

Let me start my email

W

I

T


I don't know I feel like something special about today. Yes, nice weather outside. What a break from hot weather!! But something else...

What could it be?







ðŸ“Ē🌟✨ðŸŽķI wish you a very warm  happy birthday and may every wish you have come true!ðŸŽķ

Have a fantabulous, memorable, cheerful, humongous birthday!!!!

I did not use his name, and had to use emoticons, even though interiorly, I was not cheering that much. That's when I understood, people cannot use emoticons and act out cheerful when in inside you don't even want to communicate. I did not feel sorry this time while teaching inbetween the class, he desperately tried to get my attention by being too funny as he was the one who acted out disrespectfully. 

He replied:
Thank you for your warm and heart-felt birthday wish!!!  :-)  I sometimes feel my age, but mostly feel like I’m 32.  ;-)

I did not reply because I did not feel like. I did not reply next day's generic email.  So after couple of days, what happened to my attitude you think. Aaah, terrible me melted when he sent a video to my daughter during her midweek check up. This was the first time, he took his time to record a video about how to play correctly. This was the first time, I did not contact him directly, but made my kids to directly deal with him. At the end of the day, I sent a long email of why I liked the video, and how he should do same kind of videos while teaching too. It was a good email, but like the way how I read the mental state of him, he too would have guessed something might have gone wrong.

In that same email, I requested to point out good youTube videos for my son to incorporate some emotional and physical behavior pianists display during performances.

He obliged to my request, at least that's what I thought as he still did not reply to my email. So the next day, I sent another email:

"Thank you for guiding my son to watch Mr. Barenboim's video. Was it based on my request or your own voluntary decision, either way I sincerely appreciate your time and feedback.

But special thanks if it was based on my request!!!"

As usual, no reply of any kind. So finally after crying and going through his old emails, I acted out by sending a text, just like the he requested in previous scenario- nudge me gently to reply.

So I sent text by saying:"nudging you just like the way you told--how are we doing today?"

Misery, misery....no reply, the iPhone says he read, but no reply.

DISGUSTING to the nth degree.

Finally, I have to directly deal with it. So I texted, "are you giving me silent treatment? Seriously?? May I know the reason?"

Yes, that worked. He texted back by saying, "no treatment, just confused by some of the emails. Good that your son like the video."

CONFUSED BY SOME OF THE EMAILS.....what???

I emailed him by saying would he like to share what caused the confusion, then he backtracked by saying just one email which looks like written hastily and sorry for my abrupt text. 

So this time I made sure to use "Dear" while addressing him, and continued writing:
You're ticked off by something, and don't feel like communicating with me. I can sense it. Well, I don't want to prolong and waste your valuable time.
Let us just leave it!!
Have a great day!!!
**********************
Oh God, the irritating email ever sent by him: Ok, I’m not ticked off…I just sense that I don’t understand what I should
be angry about… it is all confusing to me.  I guess I was really confused
when you said I was giving you the silent treatment. Oh, well, I’m letting
it go.  :-)

I do hope you have a wonderful day though and hope the kids have a great
performance class.
It irritated me so much, that I decided to write back:Totally right, there is nothing to be ticked off. But when you choose not to respond or acknowledge my thoughts or give your own variation about the subject matter which was discussed in the email, then there will be confusion of why the amiable person chose to be silent. 
Two emails plus one text, and still no sign of yours when all were addressed only to you. That's called silent treatment, my friend --the dreadful cold shoulder. 

Even the society backs me up--not replying to someone is not only rude but disrespectful. Why do you want to do to someone as nice as me.😉

Yes, I'll put a leash on my communication frequency.

No worries, I'll have a wonderful day, as you kindly responded. ☺

I'm not expecting apology, but just good understanding between each other -- the one which makes us to be proud of.

Hope you'll be alright!!!
**************************
Thank god he did not reply back, but kids have piano class today. Have to see whether he will take defensive or truly sorry role. Yes, he is the same person who two weeks ago made my heart feel warm when he said: It is such a pleasure to be all those things and offer you those qualities as they are also a reflection of your care and devotion to the work we do together. Thank you for your kind words and I look forward to seeing the videos this week. :-)
***********************************
My heart cries out so much for being plain stupid. I should never ever write a lengthy or friendly emails or text. I should keep him at bay. My heart is so broken that everybody can easily insult me. Not having career gives othesr leeway to think me as I'm some kind of dumb. 
Act out like nothing bothering him, and then not replying to my emails, and still acting like I don't know what for I should be angry off. CRAZY people!!
Hope my stupidity won't make my kids pull out of good piano institution. :-/
Wish me luck for today!!! Once someone is gay, he will always be a gay. Is it me or even busy working people too get upset when someone doesn't respond.
I don't want to have arguements with others, but eventually it happens. 😭
No one will ever be good with me. 😊
Is this real cry or PMS sadness, who knows. 

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