Saturday, June 7, 2014

Happy 3rd Annivesary


How are you doing? Are you traveling today somewhere? Do you still remember me? Not a chance, right? Well, don't worry, I don't feel bad. Yes, I also moved on. I don't think about you everyday nor watch the painting of you adoringly. We were strangers, and will remain strangers. Nowadays when I look at my face, I don't like my drawn out face, my tired eyes, my boring persona...I cannot relate to you or our three years ago moment. I don't see that happy, bright, a feeling of special face with which you filled and left me with. It all feels like somewhere I read that beautiful story between two beautiful people...there was some unique bond between them. With heavy heart, I write that there is no such thing now. All those feelings are gone because I don't believe in anything. All I believe is people come and people go, everybody can be replaced by anybody, the pain which we feel for someone stays as long as you don't find a substitute. That's exactly what happened with me. Even though I had feelings/thoughts for you, I tried to find the same somewhere else. Yes for shorter while, it felt like kids' music teacher was taking the place...made me felt like he may like me. I thought he is the one who will take away the pain of losing you. Along that way, I found that gays will not have any kind of feeling towards woman...they may encourage the thought of some kind of chemistry to only to have fun and feel good about themselves, but later on everything fades away and they will always remain getting attracted to only guys. That's why I so hate gays.

Even after three years, I still feel like thanking you for coming into my life, even though it was such a short time, but still it was such a sweet sweet romantic beginning....wish it has an equally beautiful ending. Wish I was somebody else on that day who could easily walk away with you to wherever you wanted to  take me to.

Sam Smith's song

"Oh, won't you stay with me?

Cause you're all I need
This ain't love it's clear to see
But darling, stay with me" playing in my head right now."

I especially played out our meeting while I watched John Newman's  "will you love me again" video. Those two characters totally displayed the interaction between us: how the whole time they were into each other like as if nobody existed in the room, how the way their eyes locked into each other sending secret messages,  the way so intently the male character watched the female. It was so like us. 

When I watched Sam Smith's video "latch", I wished how wonderful it could have been if we expressed that deep to each other. I guess when you miss someone so deep, thinking physically about someone maybe not that wrong. 

The other day I had a hard time finding a right birthday card for my husband, because the way the cards expressed love or high regard for a husband, I don't feel or see that way. We really don't have any sweet bond between us. We are just going on the route God chose for both of us, but there is no connection whatsoever like the way hallmark cards speak.

Again, Sam Smith's song 

"Oh, won't you stay with me?

Cause you're all I need
This ain't love it's clear to see
But darling, stay with me" playing in my head right now."

My heart really cries out when I hear John Legend's " All of me". Wish you could sing that song for me, or at least have that kind of feelings for me. If you still think of me, I'll assure you we will meet again. Even though I will not be traveling by Lufthansa, we will meet somewhere if you and me are still thinking about each other. Look what I received in my recent fortune cookie:

Wish you all the best. Whenever I think of you, it still makes me feel like you're someone whom I know from long long time. God, I miss that day. What an awesome, unexpected beautiful surprise!! Wish I could go back in time and see our play. Wish I could tell you that how much you mean to me, and how much I want to thank you for giving me that beautiful moment.

You make me, you make me feel so incredible
You and I, you and I feels – unbelievable
You make it, you make it so undeniable

A million hearts, you're the only one
Who lights it up like I'm glowing in the dark
A million hearts, you're the only one
Who lights me up, like I'm glowing in the dark

That's how exactly I felt for almost six months after meeting you.

OMG, my heart is beating with excitement when the past meeting time is approaching. Cheers to wherever you're!! Have a fabulous time. Remember, I'll always think about you during this time!! Wish you could hear me!!:(

Ich liebe dich!!
Ich vermisse dich!! 

Take care!!

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