Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Why I'm reading Philomena after watching the movie?

Such a heartbreaking story between an Irish mother and her unreachable son, but what intrigued me was to know more about this son who died because of AIDS. I wanted to know Gay man's life, why do they get AIDS, how do they even become gay, at what age do they really figure out that they are gays, why can't they find woman attractive....

I skipped the whole part of Philomena, and jumped right to Michael Hess story. Believe me, you never feel like leaving the book for a second. This book totally covers every question you have regarding gay people. This book totally made me cry, felt sorry for gay people, and for adopted people,  felt sympathy towards people whose life's are screwed up at such a young and helpless stages, but at the same time sickened me to follow a gay man's story. Whenever he had an encounter with a woman, I was like, oh please, let him feel her attractive, let him love this woman, oh wish, she can change him, but oh no, they can do everything with woman - friend check, dance partner check, giving gifts and be lovely and pleasing check, but eventually they will get attracted to men, like as if women have nothing to give. Their love stories with other men, emotions, changing moods, betrayal, relationship sagas, flirting stages, the first kisses or the stolen kisses....everything I ever witnessed among straight people, happens with them. So irritating, at one point of time, I felt like they should have their own land(yes, that is rude to think in that way as they are someone's brother, or someone's son), so that straight ones don't see these disturbing images of same sex kissing and cuddling. Yes, love is same whoever it might be, I understand that, but it is really kind of creepy to see a guy loving another guy. I do understand that God made them like that, and I very well understand that they too wish to be normal, but it is still disturbing. When I was new to gayness, I was quite interested in knowing them, especially when I heard that they can be good friends with woman.

It just makes me sad that why..why God plays such pranks on humans. I know for sure that they are wired like that to behave in such a way, and they have no control, but how far can we stretch this theory of that's how we are wired, so excuse us for our behavior. What about pedophiles, or humans who love to have sex with animals or rapists or murderers, psychopaths,...somewhere we have to draw a line - saying that this is not normal. If we keep on watching gay love, we surely not going to find any guy attractive...all I can think of as a woman is what's wrong with us, that he find other guy attractive...and IT IS IRRITATING ME. At least for society's sake, whoever is more feminine, please wear a wig to look like a woman, so it won't creep that much. I think it just takes time to accept such things, and once it is done, it won't be creepy.

About this Philomena story, I really feel so sad for this guy who dies without knowing about his mom's love or her search, but he believed in his heart that she is in search for him. What puzzles me  is - how he felt the attachment to his mom until his death, but why he did not show any remorse for losing his beloved David or Mark. Especially David, who was so devoted.

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