Thursday, February 27, 2014

The dreadful Cold shoulder

Ugh, the pain, cannot be put into words, when someone always greeted you with warm welcoming smile along with bright twinkling eyes, and asked about your welfare, but one day, gives you  a dreadful cold shoulder. I understood then and there itself that even though that person is just few feet away from you, but mind-wise, infinite miles of distance between each other. With that one cold shoulder, you question yourself - do you even know this person.

Maybe I've always given to others, but yesterday being at the receiving end, it felt terrible, but I'm hell bent to not send email by conveying sorry or anything else. I don't even know my fault, prior to yesterday, the whole week, I never even communicated through email, I'm off the hook. Yes, after a long long time, I was in cheerful mood, but damn, the cold shoulder tortured me.

One thing I know very well, if someone cares for the other person, from time to time, they will get upset over them, and they will make sure to let the other person know why they are upset, and they will even try to gather the reasons by giving that person, a chance to defend. So I'll wait patiently, but no way I'll write an email by conveying sorry, because I don't like to wait for the response, and I don't want to project like I'm the reason he is upset, and not any outwardly incident; I don't want to make it as a "me" situation.

Oh well, you guessed it, it is related to MUSIC TEACHER. The way he acted out yesterday was almost enactment of my own behavior. When I give cold shoulder to someone, it is because I've no control over my emotions or feelings, that is like involuntary action. Maybe for him too. In one way, yesterday's situation amused me that we are all so alike, but at the same time, being on the receiving end, did not feel good at all. 

Last week, he suggested to attend a group class featuring a special guest, but based on unwillingness from my husband  to drive, and being very cold outside, I cringed to disobey the teacher's request, but nonetheless, made the decision to skip. The whole trip - driving back and forth, and the class, will take three and half hours, and that crucial time during weekdays is precious, especially homework due dates, etc, etc. before making firm decision, I read his email once again to find the emotion in his request. All he used is "nice to visit", but in another email, he mentioned "next week will be special because of the guest. It should be very interesting and stimulating."

Both emails didn't really emphasize the importance of why kids should attend. Of course, If I was in his place, I also would have been upset for ignoring my advice, but that is me. On the other hand, he is absentminded or he is engulfed with many activities that he doesn't remember to ask, so I thought he will careless, and won't even bother to ask. But to my horror, that was his first question whether we attended the event, and I said, "no", without elaborating much. He said, "oh, you couldn't make it." I just let the conversation end in that fashion. I don't know whether he overheard my conversation with other parent about group class, or was that important for him for us to attend the event, I have no clue. My heart is so heavy after getting cold shoulder from him, the one whom  I thought really likes me a lot as a person.

That's how folks, people come and people go, nobody sticks around to be there for you regardless of you being good or bad. I know based on my personal experience, if someone really likes you, they will have a heart to forgive, because they care so much for you, that they don't want to lose the relationship.

The lyrics of the song "passenger" comes to my mind when I think about the way,  week after week he used to greet me with bright eyes along with a warm smile, like as if he was so looking forward to meet. 

"Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go"

I cannot help if people want to hate me, all I can say is, nothing new.

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