Tuesday, December 10, 2013

White lie, is it necessary?

WHITE LIE...they are so easy to say.  Surprisingly, you won't even feel bad about it. Not harmful, but doesn't give right opinion about anybody who says. 

white lie

An often trivial, diplomatic or well-intentioned untruth

Take for instance this scenario with the music teacher. He and I came to an agreement of sending audio version of a song piece on which kids are working on during that particular week in between weekly classes.

Once when I sent, he couldn't reply during that week bacause he was traveling. Yes, he had a valid reason. I agree, but later on by seeing disappointment over my face, he said, actually I heard them, but did not find time to comment. I know the actual truth, he did not listen as that one particular time, my daughter actually hummed while playing the tune. She took that extra effort based on my recommendation, and here is lying so easily. I just kept quiet, knowing his intention of not to make us feel disappointed.

The following week I did not bother to send as I felt that this is unnecessary harassment for him. So when we went to the class, he commented by saying, "hey guys, I missed your weekend recordings."

I replied back by saying, "we thought you'll be busy, so just thought to give you a break."

Somehow he convinced us that he really looks forward for the audios.

Because of so many non-responsive emails from J, I become anxious whenever people don't respond to my emails. So that's why I started sending  these recorded versions from my kids' account. In that way, if he won't respond, it will look more like he did not respond to their emails than mine. Yes, I know totally immature, screwed up brain. Thanks to J's insincerity or whatever!

Couple of week's ago, he assigned "ARIA" by Georg Philip Telemann's piece. YES! YES! A GERMAN COMPOSER! This piece is totally a lovely piece wrapped with so many layers of warm feelings. My daughter and I totally loved it. This one page piece is so good to listen that my daughter willfully worked hard to give importance to the top voices, and played the song so beautifully in her first week itself.  As my mood was not bright enough to record and send to the music teacher, we sent the audio version on Monday instead of usual Sundays, so that I don't disappoint him, and not to hear "where were my audio recordings for this week?"

My daughter and I waited patiently on Monday. No reply from him. Then came Tuesday...still no reply. I was like why will soneone not reply when something sounds so good, why can't someone spare 2 min to hear the audio....why, why, WHY??? 

Earlier that thanksgiving week, kids had a wonderful class. And this time he even bothered to reply to my iMessage. So I thought we have a very good understanding, and kind of like each other's company, or regard each other's existence. Whatever the feeling was good.

On Monday, even I had a dream that he replied to the email, but 😏😒😞no reply!

That day I made a decision, or came to a conclusion of not to wait for his response  if he won't reply the same day as he willfully not responding.

That came out true when we went for the next Wednesday class. I really tried hard of not to show disappointment, and to act casually like as if nothing happened, but almost an hour of drive to the class, and seeing his face, did not make anything better.

We greeted each other, but I know very well that my mannerisms were easy to catch that I was disappointed. Whatever reason, PMS this week or whatever wrong with me, I just couldn't smile. The whole class I was like my lips were sealed. I did not look into his eyes.

At beginning of the class, he said, "sorry guys, I did not get time to hear as I was so busy with work...end of the year semester exams for Grad students..."

When the time came to hear the song, he acknowledged by taking a tiny gulf: indication of I LIED,  that he infact heard it, but just couldn't comment. He infact praised her devotion, hardwork in getting out the melody, the sound quality, her total work.

What I don't understand is why he couldn't reply at least just a word, instead of showing like he totally ignored. Forget about me, but he was dealing with a nine year old kid, couldn't he be more compassionate! Maybe because he has no kids of his own, so he cannot feel empathy towards them.

Later on while correcting her fingering, he again addressed saying that sometimes it is difficult to communicate through emails about exactly what he want to address. 

YES, YES, I completely understand! But who told him to correct everything; just an acknowledgement with his basic thoughts, instead of totally non-response.

Maybe because of my totally pathetic  face which forced him to come out with truth, but why to lie, that too infront of kids. Why to ruin his reputation?

Well, that day it did not go well. I kept myself busy by reading Nicholas Sparks novel "The Longest Ride". Like I said before, he always watches for my reaction to his jokes, or whenever kids successfully display exactly like the way he instructed. Basically he always acknowledges my presence. 

Well, I did not behave the way I usually do, there used to be a happy smile on my face whenever I'm in his class...he always cheers me up, but not that day.

Nobody can be forever my friend, as I always bring out worst behavior out of people. So they just give up on me. Nothing to impress here....let's move on, that's the attitude they will develop, once they get to know me.

Well, nobody is perfect, but the one who stays even after seeing your imperfectness, will be yours forever, the keeper, the one whom you always find in Nicholas Sparks's male characters. Ha!

Now, all I'm wishing is that I should not screw up for my kids. He is the best! He teaches sincerely; not bothered much about exact class timings, no distractions during teaching, sincerely plans what's best for kids, and a very good face to face communicator, and in general a warm person. This is not about me, it is about kids, about their piano learning. Hope my stupid attitude on that day won't change his way of teaching, his mannerisms!😔

That's why Lufthansa Steward and I are safe. We both will never find each others' in-built negative nature. At least, for me he always stands for the four letter precious word called LOVE!

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