Monday, December 30, 2013

Treat kids as kids, not as your friends!!

Lesson learned!! 

I've no words to describe my stupidity, but here you go:

Other than this blog, I don't have anybody to share my secrets, or the things which I want to talk, but cannot talk about them to anybody as they are taboo. In the past, I blurted out to my nine year old daughter about Lufthansa steward like how he is my friend, how desperately I want to meet him, why I'm learning German, why I want to go to Frankfurt, how I chose to paint him so he will always be forever existing, please pray for me that I should meet him in the future...blah, blah...

On Saturday, my daughter kind of raised hand on my husband in retaliation of him objecting tI something she wanted, so to lay ground rules firm, and to teach her moral, I did not allow her to play. So she whined, showed anger, pleaded, talked this and that, but nothing worked. Finally, she decided to BLACKMAIL me by saying that I am going to tell Daddy about your German story. I was so shocked!! Wow, is this happening? At this young age, she wants to threaten me. So I said go ahead, because I couldn't take a nine year old threatening me. If she knows I'm scared or witnesses my weakness, she will play this game forever. How awful!! So there she goes..said about why I love Lufthansa, who is the guy whom I painted, and why he is wearing yellow, why I'm learning German, why I want to go to Germany, and even the cheese episode between her and the steward which she says that I feel very interesting. My husband joked and verified with my son whether the guy in the painting looks like the steward, if so, we can forward it to Lufthansa, and they will find him for mommy...haha, case solved.

I was speechless and worried the whole night of where he will raise the topic. I did not know whether to tell the truth or just say: I kidded with her for fun. That night we watched Meg Ryan's movie "French kiss". In one particular scene, they showed steward and stewardess. I was like OMG, is he going to raise the topic, but NO, he did not. Not even that time, not even that night, not even til now. What does that mean? 

I am more worried about if he will ruin my 45x45 oil painting - the steward's memory, whenever he is upset or angry over me in the future. Please God help me. My heart will break. I know that we should never ger attached to things in the world, otherwise people will try to take away from us. God, you only have to protect.

All these talk about steward made me miss him again. I've removed all kinds of hope from my mind, as you know I'm not available to be in a romantic relationship. I still assure you my readers that there was something about him, still makes me feel like we really really know each other. The familiarity on his face, the way we interacted with each other, forever will be the BEST MOMENTS of my life. IF I was his age, and available, I really would have chased all over the world, just because of my belief on those moments with him!! There is nothing to be ashamed of, no boundaries to restrict, only my will and belief would have taken me to his shore. I know true to my heart that he would have been my SOULMATE, my partner, my lover, my everything IF I WAS HIS AGE AND AVAILABLE. We would have been the perfect/compatible/respectful/lovely couple. The way I picturize is he and I jaywalking on European streets, holding each others hands, kissing and hugging in between, gazing at each other, discussing any kind of topic, laughing, giggling, doing little bit of shopping, gifting each other small gifts, waiting for his flight to return to redo all the things which I said above. We would have been the definition of the romantic couple. We could have shown each other heaven, IF I WAS HIS AGE AND AVAILABLE. Maybe next birth! Till then A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR! Every wish of yours should come true! Be healthy, happy, and prosperous! I'm sobbing hard, but not wishing to meet you as we are not meant for each other for this birth. I may not fly Lufthansa anymore, but I know to my heart that nothing can stop us if we are destined to see each other again....who knows you may knock at my door in the future. There are infinite possible ways to meet, only if we are destined to meet!!

Nowadays steward all the time sings OneRupublic's "counting stars" to me whenever I play the self-invented radio game of what do you want to say. 

They say truth will always come out even if how much ever you try to hide. I guess that's what just happened because of my daughter. Ha! 

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