Friday, September 20, 2013

Reality Bites

Yeah, me and him would have been like Elaina and Troy in the movie "Reality Bites", immense love for eachother, but problem to express to each other in understandable way. He looked at me like the way Troy looks at Elaina - want to say so many things, but cannot. The way he looked at me like he had answers for all my problems, but at the end, he just left me to do the search. Well, I'm tired of searching. I'm never going to see him again. 

Yesterday, a Lufthansa flight which is supposed to land in Houston, got diverted to Dallas because of weather related situation, so the pilot decided to refuel at DFW. The excitement of Dallassites was amazing. Of course, they were all delighted to see A380, but I was excited to see LH 441in Dallas. This is where the story unfolded with steward. He might have been there on this plane.....who knows?!

               Courtsey: DFW Airport

And yesterday, someone from Germany spent time on my blog posts. That's what encouraged me to blog again.

Well, nothing great going on in my life. I feel so lonely and miserable. In personal level(excluding kids' progress), I have nothing great to look forward. And on top of that, I got a speeding ticket the other day, and one month ago, I hit other car while reversing. So expenses, expenses after Euro trip. Speeding ticket was good thing to happen as it will put me in control and be need that kind of slaps to remind that you're are not invincible.

I'm learning German using "Memrise" APP. Omg! It is so difficult. Well, I can identify few words in tweets by Lufthansa DE. iChat Harte SpaB mit steward.(I has fun with steward.)

Once a week, I participate in Twitter's hashtag discussions. I sometimes get response from Lufthansa. Oh yeah, I'm investing my time in knowing the company.

My kids are learning from a German-American musician. Yes, fate - German! Do you know, he is Gay. My first exposure to Gayness. I never interacted with a Gay person before. I heard that every woman will be in happy state of mind, if they have atleast one gay friend. I already can feel it. This guy has so much vibrancy and excitement, especially in his eyes, you feel it too, when you communicate with him. The other day, he had his birthday, he was so excited to go to a restaurant. He said, "gosh, I need to hurry, today is  my BIRTHDAY, someone is going to pick me up." - when was the last time, you've seen a guy showing excitement for his own birthday. It felt good to see some kind of positive reaction to some special events, instead of treating everyday the same. He is great in teaching - interacts very well with the kids. So far so good.

Currently, I'm reading Sophia Kinsella's "I've got your number." At one instance in this novel, the main character faces a scrabble game fiasco with her would-be in laws, reminded me my own incident - I never played scrabble before my marriage, and I did not get to read as many books in my childhood/college days as some rich kids'  or someone who had association with people who can afford, no libraries in India like here to borrow latest and popular books - well, whatever reason, my parents did not encourage us to do casual reading. So I know that I don't have vast vocabulary to play scrabble to impress my Father in law, so I choose to skip by saying that I don't feel like playing, but do you know what my FIL said to her newly DIL(that is me), whom they selected, that I need to know English to play, that too in front of his relatives. What can you say - Indian marriages suck!

My husband, he doesn't know what I go through, my feelings, my loneliness - all he wants is sex whenever the "thing" gives him indication. During that time, I should be available, and during that time, suddenly he will be interested in my life, if I don't budge for his acting, he will first throw emotional dialogues, and then blame me. After some harsh statements, he will act consoling by saying "sorry" to reach make-up sex stage - just pretentious world, nothing to rely on. Well, you may ask - why are you with him? Because I have no where to go, I've kids - that is my priority, and I know there is no good out there - something better than having nothing.

Just now, found the results of P1 exam - before finding out the result, I asked myself do you want to be in, do you want to go through some more hellish exams , some more hell time - "HELL NO", was the answer. Well, accordingly, my name was not even there. Hahahaha...don't know whether this is real laugh or fake....I don't care. Only one question popping out of my head, to God - "why did you make me go through that hell? WHYYYYYYY!!!!

If you remember my bet with myself, if I pass, he remembers or likes me, otherwise we know what. So I hear ya, loud and clear! 

Life sucks! It just sucks, and there is no way to get out off it!😥😥😥😥

Just failure/loser is written all over me, and there is no bright light at the end of the tunnel, or no steward to raise up my spirits - to see something special in me,  which I'am not able to see within myself.

End this post with this thought: "If you want something in your life you never had, you’ll have to do something you have never done." - @theLoveAid

"Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. You only have one life and one chance to do it all." - @TheLoveAid - This one justifies anything or everything we do without any barrier of any kind.

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