Monday, April 8, 2013

Who is behind every successful top-notch kid?

Last Friday, something amazing happened - my son had his first taste of victory at a major, major event at State level. He would have made US history at this major event, if he was surrounded by believers. My heart ached that day for my mistake - for my laid back approach - for not believing that he is one-of-a-kind and for not noticing prior to this event.

Every athlete before becoming something special or before entering world stage, always found a coach or a guide or a guardian who noticed he/she having or possessing a special talent and nurtures them to that legendary status. And that lacked at least till now in my son's life.

As a mom, I did certain things right - like providing whatever needed for him to be successful, but I did not follow through. Unknowingly, I taught certain important things related to this event which no mom would have done I guess, at the young age of three. I used to religiously read for him everyday related to this event while breast-feeding the other kid, and while he was sipping milk from his bottle. I provided puzzles of every kind but not with the intent for him to be successful but for fun. I had time and he was my first experience as a mother, so I poured my 100% attention on him. I followed my heart and taught whatever felt right at that moment to my brain. And he always showed enthusiasm in whatever I exposed to him. He was like a sponge, absorbing anything and everything. But I never did anything planned or with a goal.

Many times in the past, I questioned within myself whenever I saw this particular competition on TV - what do these kids get by knowing all these kind of  information - why do they want suffer at such a young age, the intense rounds of pressure, failure and disappointment. My son showed his potential by being almost always perfect on APP by scoring huge points. Did that ring my bell that he is one-of-a-kind? NO! My recent blogs or whole of this blog should explain - why? Because I got diverted and started chasing so-called  fictional "love" from 2008. I was going through my own demons.

My major defect was of not spending time to analyze him. This was my first experience too, witnessing directly such a major event - so I had no clue of how good he was compare to the other contestants. All I thought was from this experience we will know that how much he lacks in knowledge compare to his peers. Worst thing is even though he was good at apps or any quiz he participated online, and was constantly preparing from young age and that too with passion, I involuntarily decided to zero it down. The whole time during the preliminary rounds in the competition while I was waiting, I was like - is this the end - is he going to say this is what I did wrong - how many he answered wrong - how good the other contestants were.......I just did not believe in his potential. I did not know my own son. I am puzzled that why I did not think not even for a second that he has potential, that there is a possibility of winning or going to nationals.  He became the youngest runner-up instead of winner because of his parents' attitude. Other may say - hey, you should be happy that he was a runner up beating 98 best of the state that too in his first attempt. Yes true, but how did he reach the runner up status - ON HIS OWN. Where he would would have been if his educated parents showed or devoted 100% of their time in training him - the kid would have broken so many records - state and national - all they had to do was BELIEVE. The kid was ready to do hard work and have immense talent, passion, photographic memory - who did not get the best out of him - THE PARENTS!!

Yes, I am same the person who believes totally on a stranger/steward based on stares and smiles on a ten-hour flight and continues to keep hope and belief that one day we will meet for sure and then we both express how much we missed each other....Arghhhh....look at my PRIORITIES!!!

I have witnessed many times, whenever I don't get involved from piano recitals to any kind of school tests, kids grades show up. Young kids always needs parents guidance, attention, a little push for them to be best.

If my son won't win next year, it will haunt me for not being a smart parent, for not being top of the game, for not guiding him properly when he had the POTENTIAL and for sorting out my priorities. On Friday, every other parent congratulated me along with my son. I thought to myself - why are they congratulating me - it was all his effort. Right when I was about to sleep, that's when it hit me that for this kind of competition, a winner cannot be born without parents help. There is a ocean of material to learn for this competition. And it is not possible to do by yourself - you need guidance, planning, and someone to constantly check on progress/weakness/strong areas, and direct accordingly. Yes, I researched, provided whatever required, gave inspirational speech, corrected his negative attitude and making assumptions of which age group can win and which cannot based on past results. My mistake was by not following through -  studying the whole process of what can be asked - checking on his weak areas....anything which would have given me satisfaction of the end result by saying we together as a team - did whatever we could, we tried our best.....

My husband too had potential of becoming something but he did not become or win any major events to
surely tell the world or to himself that I'm best in
certain things. And the reason - same - PARENTS. His mother is a school dropout and father was busy socializing. And the result - son who had potential but nothing achieved for anybody to speak about. He always talks about his experience and not-so-great-glories. I had to tell him - if you think you had potential or you have the skill - your time is over, whatever knowledge you gained, spread it to your kids, guide/nurture them to be winners. Otherwise, what's the use of  that knowledge or experience. He is so involved in himself and half attempted victories. He should take pride in teaching his kids too. For this particular event what I have noticed is Fathers getting involved, taking pride in guiding and at the same time bonding with sons. It is like victorious together like a team. And that's the glory we should be talking about.

The whole experience proved that a winner cannot be born without a proper coach. The talent will perish or the world will not get a chance to witness if the talented person is not surrounded by right people with right attitude, who can spot greatness and nurture the candidate's natural talent. Everybody has some talent but some possess extraordinary, but for the world to witness the extraordinary, you need to have a right parent, a dutiful parent, a great parent who can bring out the best in his/her child or else the child with extraordinary talent becomes just ordinary.

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