Thursday, June 7, 2012

Believe it, hold on to me and never let me go

Mein Lieber Freund,

           On our anniversary, I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs from every mountain peak I come across by saying "LH 441 Lufthansa Steward, where are you?" I bet not even in your weird dreams you might have imagined that I will think about you. Well, I want to say to you that you're still in my heart, still in my thoughts and I still remember our moments. You're the best thing ever happened to me. I want to say 'Thank you' for giving me the best day of my life. I still remember like as if it has happened yesterday. Believe it or not, on June 7th 2011, even before I met you, I felt the magic in the air - about something good is going to happen....kind of optimistic but did not know, what for and never  fantasized that it will come in the form of you.

Irving Forecast
June 7th 2012 - Dallas @ 8:00 A.M.
weather  Forecast

Look at today's weather, just like me lifeless, gloomy, no brightness, no hope...nothing to look forward adventures, no meeting special people in the sky with bright smile to welcome me.

This is how it was last year:
On June 7th, 2011, the closest available weather station to Dallas, TX (DALLAS LOVE FIELD, TX), reported the following conditions:
High Temp: 97F

           I'm basically happy-go-lucky girl, but due to many years of not-so-happy-moments, took away the original me but after meeting you and as time passed, I sensed the inner me in you. I felt like I found a part of me in you - the happy one, the one who wants to believe in the things she sees, blurt out exactly what she feels and share anything or everything with the person she trusts without fearing of any backlash. Even with all the pain of not able to see you - ever again, somewhere deep within me that happiness of meeting you is still there - wants to come out, wants to believe again... just waiting for you to show up. You cajoled me with your mannerisms and awakened my inner soul which was in a dormant state for a long time.

            You used all your channels - body, eyes, smile, breath, heart and voice - transferred the positive energy....And I felt....

 It's a new dawn
it's a new day
it's a new life for me
and I'm feeling good

steep hill easier to climb with a partner

           The best way to express of what I went through the past year is: Have you ever heard Calvin Harris song "I feel so close to you"? This is what I imagine of what has happened to me after I met you -  music starts at a slow pace and now, imagine I'm riding a cycle - a steep hill is on my way and I need to use extra force to climb and suddenly, from nowhere you join me and I don't feel the steepness anymore as I was busy - just watching you while you were watching me.

           Music is picking up, you left me right at the top of the hill but I don't feel any pain of separation, rather I enjoy the rhythm you started - I enjoy the slope after the steep hill, blazing down the trail, feeling the wind on my face, no effort, just free flow - picturing myself twirling, running and singing as my body enters the open land with blue skies, vast green lands with valleys, I start floating, going higher and higher, reaching the peak of the mountain, twirling and running at the top of the mountain with happiness, peace, I enter into titanic scene where Jack and Ross dancing away in Irish party and then I enter ballroom where Cinderella dancing away with her love, feeling a gush of happiness all over and around me....nonstop dancing all alone with rhythm picking up, going upbeat.... I was so immersed in dancing, feeling ecstatic....twirling twirling...dancing dancing....going higher and higher, analyzing for months, every bit of my journey with you from that day onwards, nobody can put me down anymore, no incident can take away my spirits...totally  positive environment, a new hope, a new life, a new dream, a special someone.....can't stop dancing and yes and yes, finally ready to say " there is no stopping us right now. I feel so close to you right now." everything I ever imagined in a love story, the best story ever, dressed up and took infinite pictures to find answers for what you saw in me and yes, I declare that I like the main characters, understood of why I feel like I'm connected to you...we both are dreamers, believers and belong to each other, don't even care of what world thinks anymore....yes, I'm ready for an adventure. Yes, I need you and yes, I miss you and I want to see you.

 I used to think maybe you loved me, now I know that its true 
And I just can't wait 'till the day when you knock on the door
 Now every time I check my email gotta hold myself down 
'Cause I just can't wait 'till you write me your comin' around woah yeh! 
 I'm walking on sunshine , wooah
 I'm walking on sunshine, wooah 
 I'm walking on sunshine, woooah 
and don't it feel good!!

                           And then finally the song ended, I stopped dancing, the spell broke, I found myself alone, deserted, searched for you everywhere, shocked that I can't find you anywhere when once again I need to climb the steep hill. I marinated our serendipitous meeting for so long - felt and tasted the joy but forgot that I was late to the party as usual. I saw hope, togetherness, sense of belonging in your eyes and heard positive vibrations. I can't fathom with the reality of I-Will-Never-Find-You. It doesn't seem right. There is no way, the hope in your eyes fades away - not possible. A meaningful escapade looks bleak right now.    

Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy
But I believe

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see
The missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy
But I believe  

                        Someone once commented about my status as "You live far too much in your head and mind, so much so that every external real life event becomes disproportionately and excessively magnified." but there are few mystical things happened which makes me to give importance to that meeting and to you:
  • I was not supposed to fly from Houston... rare occurrence but it has happened as I couldn't get tickets from Dallas. I could have gone on a different airline but I adamantly chose Lufthansa.
  • That day, I sensed happy vibes about my trip...good feeling without even knowing the reason.
  • I did oil painting of Jude Law in February '11. From the time, I returned from my trip, I see you in that painting. I played with the portrait too many times, changing facial features, the bone structure -  to make the portrait look more like Jude Law, but all I can see is - only you. I don't know whether my eyes are fooling me or is it really you. I took away smile from the portrait as it was oblivious to my pain/frustration. I don't see your resemblance in everybody I come across that means my brain is working but this portrait reminds me of you  in every way - the stare.
  • The way the you stared and behaved with me was totally like you know me from a very long time. Usually, when someone watches/stares at you, natural tendency is to unlock the eyes, but here, in that moment when you stared for 10s, I behaved like we are well acquainted with each other - for me to stare back at you and question you by saying 'what' is almost like two known people trying to act on something behind the back of others.
  • The belief in me that I'll definitely find you in future is so strong especially whenever I visualize you. And yes, I know the defense mechanism, brain plays to cope up with denial.
                      You almost barged in my life by indirectly saying "Hey! Come on, wake up! I'm here" which made you special and memorable. I hope, I left something with you which made you feel "special" and made me memorable but I doubt that I did something to make myself memorable. 

            Year long, I came across numerous blogs about Flight Attendants glamorous, adventurous life and infinite possibilities of meeting beautiful people. I sketched away our tender moments because I did not want my memory to fade way.
Love at first sight
How can I not give you attention when you showered me with excitement-all-over-your-face?!?!

love is in the air
I love you

Ich Vermisse Dich

new found love

                I read countless missed-connection stories and felt my story too will sound nonsensical and will remain just-a-phase. I even read "Power of Now" to  understand in depth of what causing me to feel the way I feel about you. The book mocks my feeling for you as a mere ego status of my mind. I even heard inner voices saying that I'm a fool to think that you still remember me or give importance to our encounter. I even know that too many high expectations lead to disaster, disappointment.. and very well aware that nothing in this world lasts forever - people come, people go and everybody is easily replaceable.  Yes, I even know, guys just flirt for fun and there are plenty of fish in the ocean. Whatever it is, in the midst of all these negativeness which puts me down, dictate me to get away from your memory, but the truth is you gave me an immense effortless joy, hope and reminder of my how I wanted that one special person who can make me feel special. Whenever I think about you, all I can see is your smiley familiar face looking deep into my eyes assuring me, by saying "hey, I'm here for you". I really can't believe myself that I am not able to find you when my belief of finding you for sure is screaming within me and on top of that, whenever I lose hope, your smiley, sense-of-belonging face appears. Plenty of times, I acted out in front of the mirror like as if you were watching me and I was like lip synching "what?" with a shy smile....of course, that led me to tears.  I'm not expecting anything from you, other than acknowledging the special feeling you bestowed on me and good deed of yours is well appreciated. I see you in every flight attendant, in any plane related news, in every young, happy, charming, bright European guy. I see you in every plane in the sky -picturing you looking through the window. I see you especially in look alike Jude Law's oil painting portrait:

LH 441 Lufthansa Steward
Who will stare like this at a stranger?!?! read this article to know - Who???
                    Wish our meeting was something meaningful and productive. Wish it was much more than just a mere coincidence. One thing I truly wish from bottom of my heart is, if we ever meet again, you and me should react, the way we were on June 7th 2011 -  indescribable chemistry with familiar glance and happy-to-see-you-once-again.

          Even though, the video shows you weeping but  it is "me" in the form of you...................

                     Wish you were not my past but my future. I wish you best of luck! Hope all of your dreams come true! Always be merry! Wish you remember my existence! If ever telepathy world really exist, it will lead you to this webpage or wherever my presence is. Whatever that makes me believe in us and gives me the feeling of sense of belonging, if truly exists, we shall each other again in future. I never hoped or dreamed that I will meet someone special on June 7th 2011 but it happened. Now, I want to meet you but it won't happen. Wish I had powers to skip June 7th. I don't want to go through this day especially after 4:30 P.M. without meeting you.

Lorena Hickok's words to Eleanor Roosevelt -- "I remember your eyes with a kind of teasing smile in them, and the feeling of that soft spot just northeast of the corner of your mouth against my lips"

Well, this is what I remember about you - " a beaming smile with bright twinkling eyes staring at me, showcasing enthusiasm and passing on nonverbal cues. That I call Glad-you-came look."

Ich Vermisse Dich

Your Awaiting friend

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