Thursday, February 23, 2012

Will Our Paths Ever Cross Again?

How stupid can I be? I'm trying my best not-to-be-stupid but just don't know what is making me emotional. Is it due to PMS? Maybe, but I miss Lufthansa Steward.

I received an email from Gregg:


Hi Serendipity!

I hope you've been well.


It got me thinking of an idea. Would you mind if I posted an article on my site noting your correspondence with me about trying to find the FA? I could change your name if you'd like me to. If it would be okay with you, I'd include your email to the airline and their response, as well as your nice illustration of the FA.

What do you think?

Gregg

My reply:

Hi Gregg,

Nice to hear from you. Actually, I've a very good news to share with you. Unbelievable, but true, I FOUND HIMMMMMMM and yes, you're reading it right - I FOUND HIM. We're in touch with each other from that day onwards. Things are moving pretty smooth. What can I say - I am just LUCKY.

Amused after reading your email which reveals about how certain you're about my uncertainty of meeting him again.

Well, of course, I did not. You were right in your assumption. But I had - back and forth email communication with a Lufthansa Flight Attendant who almost assured me of finding him. But I backed off, once she started trying to extract personal information and asking me to buy her online products.

But I know that he is a Spaniard. Almost certain!  Based on my curiosity to find his look alike, one day, while I was watching Ice Skating Competition, I came across a Spaniard. And to my surprise, the FA looks almost exactly like ice skater, Javier Fernandez. For sure, in his teens, he might have looked just like this skater. Please see the attached picture. I am glad, I found his duplicate. He has the same smile, same eyes. But this skater is raw and wild in mannerisms, which is quite opposite to FA, who was totally decent and almost like a gentleman. Now, I'm not going to forget his face ever. Yay!!

Even the flight attendant who wanted to help is also a Spaniard. Signs?!?!

When it comes to your email - sure, go ahead. I've no problem. Thanks for checking out with me. Please forward me the link, once you post it on your blog.

I read a lot of articles about the life of a Flight Attendant. Oh boy! They are not what they look like. Won't people laugh about my stupidity/story? You can use 'Serendipity' if you want to or you can come up with whatever you want.
- Serendipity

Then he replied:


Hi Serendipity!



Sorry about the assumption, but to be honest I figured that the odds weren't very good. Also, I thought that you'd inform me if you did find your friend.


I'm not sure if I'm going to post the story after all, as it's not exactly not according to my website's theme. But it's real nice hearing from you once again!

Best wishes to you,

Gregg


I'm crying inconsolably after reading his email "odds weren't very good". Even though, it is true, makes me sad that I can't prove Gregg wrong. Why can't I find him? Why can't the steward makes himself available on Linkedin or somewhere on the internet? As usual, my brain is trying to play some games with me by making me emotional about him.
His eyes are haunting me! 
Raises hopes in me..


But don't you know BRAIN - I don't believe in LOVE or any guy. He is a young guy who has a great future and the world is open to him. He can choose anything he wants,  travel anywhere he wants to, be with anybody he wants to....so why on earth, he will think about the time he had with me. I just have to drill in my head that he is not real. Maybe I just dreamed about him.




Am I imagining or is it real - the guy in the painting has the same stare as the steward? Whenever I walk back and forth in my study room, I keep on staring at him and he stares back at me from any corner of the room, till I become emotional and leave the room. Is this a coincidence of me ending up with someone who resembles the steward I met? As in no way the portrait resembles Jude Law even though my intention was to paint him? That's how he stared at me without saying a word - that too, right before landing. 

I want to go through that plane journey one more time - just to analyze and dwell over him:


JUNE 7Th 2011:

They allowed me to board the plane along with first class passengers as I was traveling with kids. I said "yay" to myself and boarded the plane with three hand luggages, one for each of us to pull on. Went on to my seat but still did not notice him. Kept unessential luggage in the overhead cabin while thanking my heels for helping me to do it myself instead of asking any flight attendant's help. Kept the luggage which had kids books, in front of my legs. Then, I asked my kids whether they want to use restroom. My daughter said 'yes' and my son said 'no'. The restrooms were at the tail section of the plane and I couldn't walk directly from my seat to the restroom as few passengers were on my way. So I had to walk around center seats.


Black dots reflect my path to the restroom.
Who are you????
Even on my way to the restroom, I was still unaware of his existence. I couldn't open the restroom door. Out of nowhere, he came up to us with twinkle in his eyes along with an attractive smile and showed us - how to open the door. He did not say anything. Of course, I might have said "thank you'. My first thought was - whoa, I totally forgot about attractive European stewards being on international flights....flight is going to be an interesting one. [First meeting]

Not sure of how long he watched me? Not sure of when and where? How did he know that I needed help to open the door? The smile on his face was like there was some kind of understanding, like as if he knows me.

Strange thing is when I went back to my seat, I never even thought about him or tried to see him. Basically there was no curiosity. I tried to reach my husband by texting him, but it didn't go through. And then for a second, I thought about leaving Texas, going far far away from J...felt good about it, which was quite opposite of how I felt when I left for California in 2009.

We settled nicely for an hour or so...but still, no thoughts of steward in my brain.  I don't even remember of him walking to the galley to serve drinks. According to some of the websites, Lufthansa serves hot towel before serving drinks. For some reason, I don't remember that incident, but I know he passed it on...but I don't remember when the hot towel incident happened, prior to drinks or later. Anyway, as you see from the above image, I was in the second row. He asked me - what can I get for you ma'am....sort of that way. I said, "What do you have to offer?" It sounds flirty but prommmmisssse, I did not plan. Before my international journey, I read it on the internet about how to ask flight attendants of what all drinks they are offering. In the past, I always asked for a glass of orange juice... so this time I wanted to know what all they have to offer.

The moment, I uttered "what do you have to offer?", I saw him rolling his eyes with a smirk on his face and that's when I thought - oh God, is he thinking that I'm flirting with him? He spilled out the long list, but only one thing, I heard loud and clear - RED WINE. Well, I never had inflight wine. An year ago, I started tasting alcohol and that too 'cause of J. It was one of those crazy things you do when you are falling for a guy and think of experimenting whatever he is experiencing. So, I asked for a glass of red wine at around 6:30 P.M. local time. CRAZY!! Along with the wine, he served pretzels. [Second - might be hot towel incident, so this is THIRD]

Few pretzels were heart shaped, exactly like this one!
I saved one and carried it over - back to USA after two and half months of India trip, only to lose at home in US. Waaah!!! picture me weeping. Totally crying...cursing myself for losing.

And then maybe after an hour, stewardess started serving lunch/supper. There was a confusion about who should get the special meal. I said, I'm not sure whether it belongs to me as I did not book the tickets. While I was talking to her, even though, he had nothing to do with it, he tried to overhear the conversation. I was about to say - my husband booked the ticket, but after noticing that he was hearing my conversation, I changed it to - I did not book the tickets...so, no clue who should get the special seafood meal. And then I asked her, "What is there in this special meal?" She said, "FISH". Then, I asked, what kind of fish? She said, "Sorry ma'am, I don't know." [FOURTH]

My daughter couldn't open the cheese wrapper and then I tried, I couldn't open either. So I told her to take his help if he walks by. He was so kind and gentle in talking to her. He sat down next to her and with a smile, said "Hmmm...let us see." I couldn't see his face as I was in the middle seat, but when he uttered those words, we all just laughed. He opened the wrapper pretty quickly. It looked like I set it up, but again prommmmisssse...I really couldn't open. I'm assessing the scenarios...so no reason to lie. [FIFTH]

After sometime, my daughter has started working on educational worksheets....her pencil broke. To my shock, both of my kids packed new pencils without packing a sharpener. So I told her to ask him if they carry sharpeners but ask only, when he passes by. So she asked him and he said politely, "no". [KINDA SIXTH]

Anxiously waiting in anticipation of interaction
After few hours, lights were switched off, me and my daughter went to use restroom. There was a waiting line. Even though, my heart was pounding in anticipation of interaction, I stood there in the line. But he did not come from the galley. I checked myself in the mirror and did not like the way I looked...doubted myself about him liking me.

Along with kids, I watched Matt Damon's "The Adjustment Bureau". After that, we tried to sleep. Once he walked past my seat, but did not look at all. A sign of no thought about me.

Tossed and turned, thought about him - seeing me in some odd position while sleeping....but thought who cares.

When we woke up, lights were on, morning sunlight was hitting the windows. I saw his bright face and asked within myself - did he even sleep?.. How come he is so fresh?...I might be looking worst. He was handing out hot towels. Every time he looked at me, I felt a familiar face watching me with expressive eyes, which are trying to say something. No look of urgency or distraction or frustration, but total attention with 100% eye contact, like a slow motion video [Seventh]

This is how he used to look at me, always with a smile, totally keeping eye contact with 100% undivided attention like as if we both know each other from long long time ago

couldn't take my eyes off  him
After sometime, the stewardess was talking with the front row passengers. He stood behind her. And the whole time, I watched him, just admiring and thinking of how fresh and bright his face is. That prolonged admiration might be the reason for me to remember his face even after eight months of separation. He never even looked at me, even though he was right in front of me. They were all speaking German (I guess) and he said something to his colleague and laughed about something while pushing the cart and was about to pass my row, I turned towards left, facing upwards to see him one more time and there you go, I caught him watching me once he passed my seat....our eyes met one more time. You know, what that proved, that he was conscious of my existence. [Eighth]

Why Cranberries song "Dreams", suddenly started playing in my head? Is my brain trying to say something about him? When I tried to find the meaning of this song's lyrics, this is what I came up from SongMeanings.com site: 

"I'm not sure exactly what this song means, but I think it's about falling in love with someone unexpected. Like, you never thought you'd fall for this person, but it just happened and the amazing thing is that, they like you too. :)"

God, I'm trying my best to be in reality but I just love the moments I had with him. Even though, I try to avoid, but the moments run in my brain over and over again. Is it to keep him alive forever? Wish God bugs him with my face and the moments he had with me. Hope he kept me alive in his thoughts.

Well, let us get back to that day. After sometime, they started serving again. And he started serving drinks. I asked for an orange juice to go along with breakfast... I still had my headphones on. My daughter wanted to try tomato juice. This is when things started kind of becoming serious. When my daughter asked for tomato juice, I heard him speaking...so, I removed my headphones. He came closer to my face, showing off his beautiful big eyes and started saying in a soft voice, "You should try tomato juice with salt and pepper.". My heart started beating fast...timidly, I said, "It's not for me. It's for her." He said, "well, I'm just letting you know. Some prefer with salt and pepper." Holding my breath with a half smile, I said, "Well, thank you!" [Ninth]


During my trip back to US, I noticed flight attendants offering salt and pepper with tomato juice without mentioning it as an option but totally as go-to thing along with tomato juice. Well...that explains - he tried his best to have  some kind of conversation.


I want to see him. I want to hear his voice. Wish I could see a video of that moment. God, is it real? Did it happen? Did I dream about the whole thing? How can a person miss, just like that in this huge world? Not a trace of him anywhere, other than in my thoughts. I see his face - crystal clear. Those eyes, the way, they came closer to me. The voice, which was like a gentle breeze, just swept me off the floor. Wish he keeps me alive in his thoughts. Wish the whole thing has some meaning in his life. Wish he won't play the same tricks with everybody. Wish, me and the moments with me are unique in his life. 




Wait till I tell you about my brilliant idea!! 
Back again! Now time was approaching for us to arrive in Frankfurt. He was the one who was collecting headphones. Once, I noticed that he was the one who was collecting, I told my kids to be ready with headphones, in anticipation of not to make him wait. I observed many times in movies for some reason  people rush with whatever-they-were-trying-to-do in front of their crush. Why do people rush? Why they become anxious and start doing things pretty fast? Well, I did the same. He came to us to take our headphones. He gave me a smile for which I returned a nervous smile and unwrapped myself from the blanket and handed over the headphones . I was so ready to give off the headphones, but my son apparently was not. Totally with nervousness, I tried to untangle the cable, pulled it harder to give it off to him. He was patient. I saw his face filled with a sly smirk but did not know the reason behind the look. The look of some kind of excitement was all over his face, no poker face and that's when he leaked his age to me. That's why I think, he is in his early twenties. They are the ones, who just can't hide their feelings/thoughts. It's all just open. I remember having "National Geography Bee Book" beside me(just a side note).[Tenth]

Within few minutes, he was back on his way to the galley, but something surprising and amazing happened.


Turned around and stared with an expressionless face












What?!?!
 While crossing my seat, he looked back towards me and stared for the whole time with expressionless face until he reached the curtains of the galley. Easily ten seconds of uninterrupted stare. I was like what's happening. I stared back with a questionable face and lip synched with a shy smile and said, "what?", but he just stared without any kind of expression. I questioned myself that his stare might have been somewhere else - inspecting some flaw of the aircraft but from my angle, it looked like he stared at me. Recently, after reading few flight attendants websites, I came to know that flight attendants are very conscious about passengers observing them. Once he entered the galley, he adjusted the curtains. For a longtime, he was there in the galley. I did not know whether to act on it and fool myself. I was not brave enough to go and talk. Totally, no guts. Well, now if I think of it, I know the reason of why his face was filled with excitement when he came to pick up the headphones as he saw the unpicked food tray still being there. So, he thought if he gives a signal, I may come over with an excuse of helping with the trash. Usually, that's what many youngsters do, but I turned out to be a DUD. What surprises me is my attitude. Usually, when someone watches/stares at you, natural tendency is to unlock the eyes, but there, in that moment, I behaved like we both are well acquainted with each other - for me to stare back at him and question him by saying 'what' is almost like two known people trying to act on something behind the back of others. That shows that we both kinda know about each others intentions. Wish he has the same understanding of how I still miss him and still think about him and want to meet him again.[Eleventh]

When he came back from the galley, while he was about to pass my seat, I said excuse me and gave the tray and did not even say 'thank you' as he said in a sort of sarcastic/frustrating way, "well, how did I forget to pick this up?" Everything happened so quickly that I did not get a chance to see his face when he uttered those words. After few seconds, it crossed my mind that maybe he wanted me to pick up that tray and use that as an excuse to come to the galley and talk with him. Even now under the same circumstance, I would have not taken any step....it was risky to believe in a stare and to go and talk with a stranger when I'm so ignorant of how flirting/dating world works. Just no courage/belief on myself! And of course, I'm a married woman.[Twelth and FINAL]

That's it over, my plane saga. While waiting in the line to get off from the plane, I turned  back couple of times to see him, but I couldn't see him. It was over. At that time, I did not know that each step I was taking away from  him, that further apart I'll be from him in the future. Right now, Adele's song "Someone like you" lyrics is playing in my mind..."Sometimes  it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"


Will our paths ever cross again????
During my second half of my journey to India, I thought about finding him online or if I start missing him too much, maybe I can come to Houston airport and wait outside to see him from far as I was under the impression that like a bus driver, his route is fixed that means he will be traveling back and forth from Houston to Frankfurt. Well, yeah, it sounds stupid and ignorant. But that's what I thought. And I even thought about how I can go to Houston which is four hour drive from Dallas and on what basis...what excuse can I say to my hubby. I just did not think that I'll never see him in the future. I was so confident of finding him online as that's how I found J.  When I faced problems with J, numerous times, I asked God - why did you help me to find him?....I could have been in pain for few days or months, then he would have disappeared from my thoughts. I pleaded God many times to help me, to do something so that I can forget about J. And I guess, this was his solution - to make me meet this incredible guy on the plane, make me fall for him and not be able to find him to communicate further. For two and half months in India, I was under the illusion that I'll come back to US and search for him online and somehow trace him and get in touch with him. As months passed, it became clearer and clearer that indeed, finding or meeting him again is impossible. What bothers me is that why he did not keep himself easily searchable on the internet? Even though, I did not acknowledge his signal to come and talk but just in the name of HOPE, he could have done something which could have made me to reach him. Even now, from time to time, I visualize of him requesting Lufthansa to put him on LH 441 in the hope of seeing me again. God, is it really possible of him to think about me? Will he miss the way I miss him? Will he think about the moments he had with me or was it overtaken by some other pretty girl? God, really, why do you play games with me? Yes, I really enjoyed meeting him and thank you from bottom of my heart for the positive feelings you generated in me which made me to easily forget J and be away from things which are related to J on the internet but I'm still hurt. But it is much much better than the last one as still in this case, there is chance for HOPE to survive, his PROMISING SMILE and BELIEF on him.

Sometimes I doubt myself about his interest on me. Maybe I misinterpreted his smile, his gestures...maybe he was just doing his job. I'll never know the answer. I really want him to be in my life. I want him to be my pal. I want his affection, the familiarity which is surrounded around him, the easiness. I don't want the wonderful feeling to ever change under any circumstance, not based on my looks or deeds. The bond between us should be unconditional like in Nicholas Sparks novel were the guy always have deep understanding for his gal. 

Even in his wildest dreams, he might have not imagined of me - thinking or searching for him. But people are weird and anything is possible. I strongly believe about this situation - when someone turns around to get that one last look before they depart. It is the ultimate thing which proclaims feelings for the that person. He did it when he turned around to give me a signal to come and talk to him. At least, that's how I saw it. Please God, make my belief come true. Make him to remember me forever. Make him, miss me like the way I do. Make him to dream and hope that one day we will meet again and he will still hold the same affection and feelings which he displayed on the June 7th, irrespective of my looks. 

Katy Perry's song "The One That Got Away", just kills me with pain in my chest. Maybe my mind is making a big deal of nothing.......who knows?!?!
Made him alive!!

I found someone online who kinda looks like him!!
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

 One step closer 

After one and half year, I finally captured him in my oil painting
based on my memory. This is my tribute to him and to that day.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yes, he caught my eye.
As we walked on by.
 I could see from his face that he was,
Flying high
. And I don't think that I'll see him again.
 But we shared a moment that will last 'til the end.
[You're Beautiful by James Blunt]

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