Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Journey of my Unconscious Brain

Last night, I had a dream - a true depiction of state of my mind. Before we get inside my brain, I need to state few things for you to understand my brain status. Nowadays, I am following a US born German guy on twitter who is a 22-year old graduate student, used to live in Tampa. Why he caught my attention is because he travels a lot - not on business or vacation but by accumulating miles and blogs away his thoughts on airline and hotel industry and that's how he earns money and travels freely. Being a German, he prefers Lufthansa and being a frequent first class traveler, he has a close connection to the person who tweets on behalf of  Lufthansa on Twitter.

Before I went to bed, I read his recent blog of how he recently learned to do his own laundry after moving away from his parents and how his mom taught him to do shopping at different apparel stores than just being sticking to Old Navy if he ever want to date an American Airways twitter girl.

I started following one more guy who writes lot of articles on Lufthansa. Recently, he wrote about his plans to travel to Frankfurt to attend a meeting. A thought surfaced in my mind about requesting him to find my steward by attaching a recent sketch which I did based on my recollection of his face. But then thought not to pursue with that idea as you know I'm not 100% sure of positive feedback from Steward. But when I went to bed, I had a flashback of that one particular moment where Steward instead of just serving, offers a suggestion of using salt and pepper with tomato juice when that drink was not even for me and when I mentioned to him that it is not for me, he said - I'm just letting you know. If he did not have any intentions over me, why will anybody bother to suggest or try to have a casual talk.

Anyway with all these thoughts in my head and after swallowing a IBuprofen pill due to severe headache and with an empty stomach, I slept.

That's when out of blue, I dreamed about going on a vacation to India via Frankfurt, flying Lufthansa but instead of going to India and having a good time, I dream about facing a murder, criminal case, accusations and excuses for bad behavior.

According to my dream, I was in Frankfurt to meet this twitter 22-year-old guy in the pretext of him helping us out with miles.
But when I go along with my husband to meet this guy, I see him lying on the table, almost in a dying condition. He was struggling to breath but I did not do anything to help him out but instead stood there like a terrified person and allowed him to die.

I panic and ask my husband - is there any way we can skip the cops' interrogation but he says, "what is there to run away? We will just tell them about what happened when we came inside to meet him and the reason for coming."

Within myself I fear that this guy's parents won't let it go as they will try to find what caused his untimely death.

As expected case starts. Someone who is in the same building at that day when the death happens informs the authority about how I came to be in touch with him. They'll show my email correspondence with him on the big screen, displaying my emails about how I'm in search for a Lufthansa steward, what happened during the flight and how I plead him to help with the search. To my horror, all these is happening right in front of my husband. During the case, I'll come to know about how this guy's  history - facing mental problems during his teens and how he was on medication. Final conclusion was over medication has caused his untimely death. I'll be vindicated!! I'm all over the news just like Sandy Crocker was, but he was only for his search for an Irish girl but here I was for a criminal case. Will Steward find about me in one of Frankfurt's newspaper while commuting?? Will he? WILL HE? Will he wonder about his Unharmful/playful correspondence led her to such a misery? Will he put himself out in public by coming out? Will he? WILL HE? Was there any truth in his attention on her on that day? Was his intentions were true and strong? Did he even for one day thought about her??

In between, I ask myself- why I did not help that poor guy while he was struggling to breath? Why I did not call 911? Why you don't take quick decisions? Why? WHY?

While going through all these questions during my dream, I hear my husband's voice. In my dream, all I saw was my wide eyes...totally sad and ashamed looking at my husband while he was yelling at me for my transgressions. Right at the end, when he was about to stop, I say - what's wrong if I wanted someone's true love? What's wrong in chasing someone whom I thought was genuine and for once-in-my-life, thought I was important? What's wrong if I expect someone's loyalty like the way you show it on your PARENTS?

Well, that's it! I came out of my dream. Still feeling strong emotions over that last sentence. Really making me sad!

During the day, I even searched for anything new on Sandy Crocker. This is what I came to know from National Post:

Reporter: Of course, there is the possibility that she does know you’re in Ireland, but is avoiding contact.

Sandy: That’s definitely a possibility. But really, regardless of the outcome, we all have things in life where we wish we had paid somebody a compliment or chased a thought, and we complain the rest of our lives about not doing it. This is just me putting it out there and if it falls on deaf ears, fine. If she hears it and doesn’t want to contact me, I’m not upset at all – I’ve fulfilled my obligation to myself.

Rporter: You met only for two minutes, and didn’t discuss much more than the weather. How do you know there were any sparks on her end – or even that she remembers the encounter?

Sandy: Everything you’ve said, I’ve already thought about. I know that she might not even remember the day – it was a long time ago, for sure. But, maybe she meets me and likes me, or maybe she doesn’t. I don’t really worry about that too much. Lots of people have written me and said that everyone would love to have a stranger come up to them and say, “hey, I’ve worked hard to meet you again because I think you’re great. How’s life been? Who are you? What are you doing?” That’s a flattering thing – and there’s nothing wrong with that in today’s world.


For some reason, steward never comes in my dreams. My question is do I really like him or is it due to my problems in marital status? Whatever it is other day when I was in some Hindu ceremony and when priest asked everyone to request God for a wish to get full-filled - I requested God to make steward to find me. Later, priest said "Aapki mano kamana puri ho jaya". That means let your wishes come true. Later, I felt bad about wishing for that instead of wishing something for kids or about marriage or career. But then when I started missing him, I felt that was the right thing to do. Yes, I want to see him again. Nobody has no idea about how emotionally I'm involved with him. Well, my sketch of him after 400+ days is the proof. His face and the moments are so crystal clear like as if everything happened few days ago.  And I ask myself WHY? I don't know how anybody feels about someone trying hard to find them but oh Lord, I will be the happiest person in the whole wild world if I ever come to know that he is in search for me. Just like that my pain will vanish and I'll be happiest ever!!

If I was that Irish girl, I will not hide or come out in public but somehow secretly will let him know about my interests. Never will make him wait. That's really cruel thing to do. BBC, Time, ABC, local news channels covered his story. I wonder how she missed to hear this news til now. Well, as usual God only knows - the mystery.

At the beginning of this waiting period, I used to see his smiley face but as each uneventful day passing, all I see is the above sad longing face. I'm really praying that I should forget about steward. But till now that's not answered. I feel bad for wishing such a thing but there is no way to go. Wish at least I had that mental stability of just being happy for meeting him instead of dwelling of not able to meet him in the future.

God comes in dreams

Friday, September 28, 2012

The curse of being born as an Indian Woman

Those are the words came to my mind when I saw Mitt Romney's
 picture where is declaring his love towards his then-girlfriend.
Isn't that picture precious?
Indian woman never get to witness such an open affection. Yeah, of course marriages run and last longer than most western marriages but you should not dream of "love" between a couple. It is more of ADJUSTMENT, SACRIFICES for kids and taken-for-granted attitude. If you expect something like above picture, you'll be labelled as an "immature" and a person who is living in fantasy world or wishing to mimic western culture. Everything so muted and in depth that the so-called "love" of an Indian guy is difficult to know or for that matter, even to reach.

There is no flower showering or gift hovering, but full of responsibilities of cooking, taking care of hubby, kids and even some cases in-laws. No date nights or treating like a special lady by opening a car door, at least just occasionally. Oh yes, lot of Indian men especially who are abroad, have lot of money due to being studious, and of course, well choreographed life but hearts are filled with ego, false pride and unexpected affection/respect towards his

parents. The later one pops only after getting married.

Not subjected to unconditional love or pleasures of being with a life partner
but Indian woman have to go through  first responsibility of marriage  - SEX
or else according to Indian guy - marriage is not going well,
even if other departments of being married to this guy are going on smoothly.
Either celebrate life like this especially only
with his parents.... 

like this - get-togethers where women have to do cooking, cleaning, serving whereas
husband just ushers, mingles and takes pride.
People who want to jump on me and criticize for pointing out negative things - yes, yes, I know, there are some positive stuff too as you can rely on forever with whatever marriage you've, your kids don't have to go through divorce stuff or need to think about student loans but whenever I see immense love between couple or  Romney kind of pictures, I feel like when do Indian women get a chance for someone to make her feel special or when do an Indian guy feels pride, not at his living status but of getting married to his incredible partner.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

What's wrong with married guys??

Laying out few email interactions, I had with my husband's married friend:

This interactions happened in early 2009:

I cancelled Dallas trip last week as I did not get invitation from you for Dinner. I would prefer your cooking over restaurant but you would not feed me. Confused. Just kidding. I cancelled it due to ice storm in the DFW area. On the other note, I have noticed that you have become noticeably quiet since I first met you in MN. I would prefer to talk to you with nobody around but that does not seem possible. I feel that you are way too much stressed out. This is none of my business anyway but just thought that I would pen it down.   

No problem, I can cook for you. FYI, I am not a great cook. The topic about me being quiet is just part of growing up. I don't remember how I was in MN but I know, I always give good first impressions. Now, I have two kids, so tiredness...blah blah. Thanks for showing concern towards me.You are welcome to pen away your thoughts.

Hello your highness, Long time no email. How are you doing? I will be in Dallas last week of this month. Need to call and talk to [Husband] as well. He called one day and signal was terrible. 

Hi, How was your trip to India ? We have moved to a new house. So very busy unpacking the boxes. Yes, I was there when [husband] called you. Looking forward to see you.

What is your husband's email?

[My hubby's email] Boxes are awaiting for your arrival.

What would I get if I help you open boxes? Hug? Thanks for the email.

Fabulous home cooked meal.

Where did you folks move? Meal is good added option but hug provides warmth and welcome feeling.

 Promise I will not make you unpack the boxes so, please try to come for dinner.

 I confirmed this evening with [Husband]. I am looking forward to warm hug. See u later.

It was nice to see you smiling. You were yourself. I bet that it is the hope of starting job soon. You are a good person. [Husband] is a lucky guy. I am jealous. Food was delicious. Next time, I will pick you up from your work and buy lunch. Talk to you later.

I waited for so long to give you a good news but can't. I went up to the 3rd round in the interview process and even met Vice President of the company but couldn't get the job. I did great in all those rounds. It might be because of me having two young kids. A strange thing happened, a guy asked me to write about myself and how many kids I have on a blank white paper and then told me to sign at the end. I was so positive of getting the job and then next time when you come, we can go lunch as you promised. Kind of disappointment but well I know, everything happens for good. Just want to let you know as you are the one who always encouraged me. I hope everything is going well for you.

Hello Sunshine. It is always a pleasure to hear from you. I hope that you get what you are looking for. You still owe me a hug from last time. I am counting interest on it and it may be long hug or more. If I don’t get it then I will sneak in when [Husband] is at work. Anyway, you are a smart female. Keep focus and eye contact, be confident and remember to smile.

2010 Interactions: 

How is soccer mom doing?

Busy as ever. I got a call back for the same job and given my due of interviews...waiting for the announcement. Maybe the manager may find someone else after interviewing me. So for now fingers crossed. What's new in your life? Any plans of coming to Dallas? 

I have still a job and doing same old work. Still working for CIO and managing development for global Oracle ERP deployment. We just kicked off JAD sessions for next generation of Oracle 11i software. It is going to be extremely year. I will come to Plano later this month. Keep sending note so I know you are alive. Your hubby ignores me. I told him that I am NOT eloping with you. 

Great news to pass on...the mgr of [Company where I gave an interview] like to offer the post.. Yay!! But the vp wants to cut back the budget so the post is on hold.. .. And that s called luck!

Good things happens to good people. Please be patient. It will come to you.

Thanks for taking time and coming home.

Thanks for what. Thanks to you for dealing with me. 

Thanks for showing romantic side of you. 

Are you serious? And what was that?

I said thanks for coming. I liked how you celebrated your wife's birthday. Good for you. Keep up good work! 

Want me to celebrate yours? Or how about training [husband]?

2012 Interactions:

How ru doing? I did not hear from you in a while. 

Is it really you? So any more little Guptas on the way? Haha...Belated happy new year to you and your family. Any plans to Dallas? 

No more Guptas I am aware of. Happy new year to you all as well. I am thinking of coming to Dallas in next few week. I just thought of going as I did not hear from my longtime friend. 

Wow! How nice of you to think abt us.... Aaaahh, should have come tomorrow. Would have celebrated my birthday and I could have gotten a gift from my longtime friend ;)

I need not to come tomorrow for a gift. What is the wish??? Watch out what you wish for. It may come true. See u later... 

Well I do have something personal and I want my wish to come true and which of course, is not in your hands though. When are you coming? [Husband] is all excited for you. Are you coming with your family? That would be lovely.

You got to share personal to friends. Don't underestimate the friends. I may make it happen. 

Need God's miracle but until then why don't you move to Dallas and make me your secretary or assistant. Haha..Still waiting for you to wish me on my birthday... 

Love to do it but this is why it is called wish!!! Hugs and K__ on your bday. Or may be this is only reserved for [Husband]. Are you 17 yet? Nah. Hot mom of [Suburb]!!!Send me [Husband's] email. Lost it with my old laptop.

You're good at flirting, not bad for a father of two. See you next week! 

 How are you? [Husband]’s email bounced. Send me his cell. Flirting? Works for me. What about u? I will stop if you want me to. Want a challenge for a dare? Nah. U can’t handle it. Cu later… 

I always wonder y u r not the same person when I meet u face to face. Sort of maintaining distance... Talk only about work... I don't know who that guy is who knocks at my door but just looks like u with the same name. Hmmm.. Who could it be? 

Here is the dare. Meet me for lunch and you can see real me. No kids. No [Husband]. It is a dare. Want to take this challenge? Nah. You are a chicken. Why real "you" won't come to my house? Why are there two of you's? Perplexed!!! 

Good morning sweetheart. Last night, I crashed early dreaming about you. If real me were to come to your house then it would [Husband] heart attack and free R rated movie to the kids...Still there? Thought you fainted.

Ewww!!What amazes me is you use office email to talk such things.... strange!Are you not getting love/attention at home? Are you bored with same routine work? Not finding any thrill in life? Are you going through midlife crisis? Too many Qs after reading your email....Get to work.... Lol! 

I hope you know that I am messing with you. I want your honest opinion – If REAL ME shows up at your door step, would it freak [Husband]? If he has pretty and smart wife, it is not my fault. 

No, he is pretty cool. The other day, he allowed me to go to dance clubs with my girl pals. That day, I returned at 1:30. He was fine and even took care of kids meal. Anyway, thanks for the complement. 

Stop lying! Dancing in Dallas? All desi crowd? When you all go next, may I watch you all desi divas? Were you drunk? Ok. Now tell me the secret. How many times did you get hit? One questions for you – Can you please tell me in layman terms what REAL Me is like? I will try to be one if you still allow to enter your place. Well your questions made me think who is REAL ME. I might have been buried with my job, kids, wife and life in general. It just comes out with mischievous, smart and pretty wife of Irving. Who knows? May be chatting with you is my escape. Call it missing love, boring work, mid life crisis, thrill or anything else. It does not bother me. May be take your family out for dinner. I may see you this week. Till then take it easy... 

What happened to coming home w/ wine bottle??? :) Let me know what you would like to have for dinner. I'll try my best.

Wine if you and [Husband] would drink. What is your fav wine? May be a cocktail. Like Mojito? 

Hi Sunshine. How is your day going? What are you up to on Valentine day?

Just pretty ordinary. Not making big deal abt Valentine's day. With kids, can't go out for a romantic dinner or musical show or anywhere. 

That is kinda dry. Well I am done with Day 1 and looking forward to boring evening. I may spend some time reading some books. CU later.

Anyway, recently I told him not to use the word "sweetheart" as it sounds derogatory. No email from him after that.

Even my married neighbor too flirts with me through Facebook email and numerous time invited me for lunch. He requested me to keep these email communication only about us not about spouses or any other matter. Once he even argued with me about what's wrong in going for a lunch. How can he not understand that what can I tell to my husband or what will he tell to his wife? All working people, all the time go for lunches. I said, yeah, if you are a colleague, not neighbors!! so I saw some weight was on your face...and it was so were really looking nice...:-) hey but I don't think that you have gained weight...I was expecting to see more but looks like you didn't :-) Too much he praises my beauty, about my way of raising kids. Of course, such praises make you feel good but you'll know whether they're fake or someone just time passing with you. What I don't understand is why are these people targeting me. Are they waiting to check out my character? Will I make bad moves behind my husband or will I screw up married woman's life? Are they time passing with me as no one is available? This guy is my neighbor, I can't be harsh with him as it will effect for life long and may lead to rumors too if I will come harsh or inform my husband. Yesterday, when I went for an outing with my neighbor's wife, I asked her without informing her that this is about her husband I'm talking about, is it common for North Indian guys to cheat or talk in above fashion? She said, no, they are all flirting - got nothing to do with North Indian men? She said how her husband won't even praise her new hairstyle or anything new in her but here with me, he takes time to praise. And even once suggested to elope with him and travel the world together. Sometimes I feel so depressed with their way of communication. My husband won't care or give any tribute to any of my work and here, these guys are swooning over me. Sometimes I feel that I should have someone, especially a guy friend because I never had and in crisis, instead of only my husband, I can rely on these guys for some kind of friendly support. Why to make keep everybody at distance? Right? When you don't like someone and their overly attention to you looks crazy. I felt so good when steward showed interest on me cause it felt genuine, he doesn't know my background and he did not know that I was married so it looked okay. But these guys, what's wrong with them?

Monday, September 24, 2012

Fascinated by Frank Abagnale Jr.

Beginning of the book was exactly like the way the movie was. The whole time I pictured Leonardo DiCaprio. Interesting part was when he impersonated like a Pan Am pilot. In between I lost interest. Thought due to my interest in crew life but when he got caught, I couldn't keep the book aside. The book doesn't say anything about his phone call on Christmas day with FBI agent. Frank Abagnale is not as cute as Leonardo DiCaprio, not even close.

So many ups and downs in his life. Good-bad-good and every part of his life is riveting!

What Deadheading means??
Flying free as a captain/crew member
Interesting tidbit about flight altitudes
Meaning behind  bank check numbers
The case mirrors that of conman Frank Abagnale Jr. who flew more than one million miles on over 250 flights to 26 countries in the 1950s. He had secured a PanAm uniform by forging a pilot's license. His story is showcased in the film, "Catch me if you Can," starring Leonardo DiCaprio.Read more.. 

Surprising details which we did not get to see in the movie especially ordeal in French prison at Perpignan which really captivated me and made me get through kids' election results:

Prisoners were stripped naked and thrown into 5x5x5 cubes where they were kept in complete darkness, fed subsistence diets, not allowed to bathe or brush their teeth, had no human contact, and had only a bucket for sewage which was rarely emptied, causing them to lie in their own waste when it overflowed. This treatment was irrespective of criminal/non-criminal background. He remained there 6 months before being released, by which time he had double pneumonia, severe skin rashes and rotted teeth. When the judge ordered for a year, he thought that was not bad until he came to know - what he is really going to deal with!

According to this website:

In the interview, Frank says he does not consider himself a genius, but rather an opportunist. I find that ridiculously modest, but maybe he really means it. He also reminded the listeners that although the movie made his life seem glamorous, there were plenty of nights where he cried himself to sleep because he was all alone and couldn’t go home because he was on the run from the law.

Love Stricken Guys Exist!!

Too many times, I wondered whether a guy will hold a special place in his heart when he meets/likes a certain woman for a shorter time frame or will time and space make the special feeling vanish away? Well, I found the answer through this video.

I'm so happy to inform you that people like me EXIST. Like me, Sandy Crocker is in search for someone whom he met LAST SUMMER. Just like me, time has nothing to do with our belief!!

The difference between me and Sandy Crocker is
  • He doesn't have sketch of her but I have my steward's sketch. 
  • He had only two minutes of time with her where as mine was ten hour saga.
  • He is not sure of her feelings, but I'm pretty sure of my guy - at least I was.... of course positivity is fading away as nothing is happening. I'm doubting his existence.
  • Well, this guy is available - unmarried/independent unlike me ;) So totally wrong on my part to search for my guy but I want to know the truth. I want to believe in what I see. I want to know whether he really really liked me, whether we both were special ...whether out meeting was special...I want to believe everything happens for a reason. Is there a meaning behind my tears or am I a lunatic who just wanted damn attention? Forget about me, but what about him? The first glance?? The unwavering feeling towards me for ten hours?? Was it just frequent flight occurrence?   
  • If my guy was so into me, how come he is not acting out like this Canadian guy, why can't he search for me or put a video about his feelings...even though, I did not take the initiative of acknowledging his interest to talk. But look at Joe Biden, he never gave up, persuaded Jill until she agreed. Which in my case is missing.
  • Unlike me, Sandy is taking action. Traveled back to the place where he met her, advertised for her on local TV. I'm trying through my unpopular blog, through a youTube video, through my sketch and through frequent google search. I also thought of traveling to Frankfurt but I don't have freedom like Mr.Dentist.
Well, some comments for the article, were very supportive and some were as usual judged his mental stability. Some asked about why Sandy did not give his phone number right away, why this passive aggressive move, why he did not feel right away that she is his soul mate...

Well, I know the answer. Cause I went through the same situation. Until he gave me a signal to come and talk, I thought it was just one way/fun, but when he gave me a signal which was right at the end of the flight. I did not have enough time to process as I already went through a hell with J - the misunderstandings, the failure to accept that it was just for that moment, nothing is true in this world and you can't believe in what you see, that things/feelings change as time passes, mutual/first-time feelings are temporary/time-pass and not worth to follow upon. I was not in a position to believe in what I see. I just thought - hey don't worry man, feelings will disappear, was just a temporary fun, but never thought that I'll cry for him or miss him badly. It took a while to analyze that it was from the get-go, mutual positive feelings towards each other. 

If our feeling was SO mutual, how come I can't find him anywhere? How come he won't present himself? Sandy went back to Ireland to search for her, but I can't go to Frankfurt to search for him cause I know he won't like me once he knows who I am. I don't think so his feelings are strong enough to overlook my baggage. All I want is to once in my life to get acknowledgement that I'm worthy enough to be loved, that I'm worthy enough to get to experience "true love".

I can honestly tell you that this is not LUST but a strong belief - the sense of belonging I felt for him. I've no plans of life or future with him, but for now, I want to acknowledge that I like and miss him dearly. That day whatever feelings we had was mutual. It just that I needed time to analyzeπŸ˜”.

Sometimes, I miss him so much...but then, there is no place to go in search for him other than my portrait or go back down memory lane. Yes, I ask myself, numerous times, why should I miss him? But I do!! Kind of a cruel joke God has played with me. He comes across so many blue-eyed beautiful Flight Attendants on day-to-day basis, why he did not ignore me like rest of the world. If he felt I was special in some way with my non-caucasian face, then how can he forget about me - just like that! Why couldn't he be like Sandy Crocker?

Even though, I was finally able to sketch him after a year. Even though fate is telling through this video that guys like Sandy exist. Even though, my guy's face is still crystal clear, I need to forego. YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE!!

Thank God my blog is not popular. Otherwise, I could have not openly written my feelings towards my guy. Literally, I felt those negative comments were directed towards me. When it is only one way, it won't feel right, not even to you. To make it right, you need a partner with same belief/same pain/same feelings/be on same page.

All the best to Sandy Crocker. Hope she won't think you as a freak. Hope she understand your feelings, believes in love-at-first-sight, believes in true love and still available. Hope she won't throw away your effort by thinking you as a stalker. For a guy to take such steps is totally amazing. Thank you from folks-like-me, who are looking for a proof that such guys do exist. It is not just woman who chase love or believe in fairy tales or believe in such moments.

Well, I'm aborting my search for my guy as I know for sure that he has given up on me, the day I deplaned from flight LH 441. I already made my video private and taken off a special page which I designed for him before by mistake, unfortunately, he clicks on any of my links and feels awkward.

Many will go through such emotions but only few can make it on TV, so these are signs that they are for meant each other. Everything happens for a reason 😜Best of luck! Thanks for letting us know that guys like you exist!!

Well, if my steward ever falls on my posts and thinks I'm crazy, I don't have to worry. I can say, it is just not me but there are others too that too a guy. Thank you SANDY!!

For much more on Sandy Crocker, click here!

Friday, September 21, 2012

Ganging up

Election season is here!! I'm not talking about National elections but elections at my kids school. Due to watching Obama and Clinton speeches, my son decided to run for Student school secretary as that's what they are allowed if they are 4th graders, either treasurer or secretary or class representative. My daughter chose to be a class representative as 3rd graders are only allowed to represent their individual class.

First, they need to write an essay of why they want to run and briefly describe what leadership means to them. I was skeptic about my daughter running as she is still immature and kinda irresponsible. Someone always have to be there to push her to get things done. And if she wins by chance, will I get piled up by additional tension?? So I clearly told her, don't run just because brother is running. Do you really want to take responsibility of the class? Will you sincerely, like a responsible leader represent your class based on their needs and requirements? Do you really know what you're getting into?

Well, she got mad at me. And yelled at me saying that she knows what she is doing. Nowadays, she has started screaming, and she thinks that's the best way to cope up with people and their relented questions and biased judgments. Is not a parent duty to tell kids, when they are really not capable? Tensions are so high for everybody including her in the mornings due to her being lethargic and no time-sense attitude. All she had to do is get ready and drink milk before catching up bus. Whatever I pack for breakfast, they usually eat in the school cafeteria. Every other minute thing, I'll take care. Even for 8 oz of milk, she takes easily 20 minutes, without worrying about time. In the evenings, she won't plan out her day. If she starts reading a FICTIONAL book, she won't leave until the book gets over, in the pretext of need-to-read-everyday-for-25-min, delaying her homework or piano practice. Everything gets piled up and time is running out, when everybody starts pressurizing her about her things done, she yells and screams. With this kind of mood, how she can sincerely practice piano. So even that gets effected.

Based on my son's character, I gave him few tips for essay writing. By seeing that, my daughter asked me to give her also few tips, I didn't know what to say. Yes, she is an exceptional student, even though dis-respective at home, at school she is totally disciplined and follows the rules. My problem with her is IRRESPONSIBLE. Maybe she will be okay in future but now, I know she is immature. When I told my mom over the phone, she said to me, "Don't stop her from what she wants to achieve. Many imitators become successful in real life by imitating others. Let her imitate her brother, there is nothing wrong. She will learn by observing others.

Anyhow, My son totally got involved, took time, thought through it while writing his essay. So next thing to do is planning out the process of campaigning, I may say a successful campaign not a mediocre one. If me or my kids get involved in something, I really put 100% effort. First the school said that they need to deliver the message through morning announcements. So I suggested him to do something musical, something catchy. The whole weekend, I thought about what rhymes with 'Secretary' and how to write a catchy jingle. Somehow I came up with something and my son was ready with a tune. My daughter got involved and offered herself to sing. I was surprised by her move and felt good about her getting involved. Great! She couldn't understand my scribbles, so without being lazy, she wrote neatly on a piece of paper to sing. We made a 30s catchy song. But later we came to know that school wants school council candidates to deliver message during school assembly.

All through out when we were collectively working, my husband kept himself at bay in the pretext of being tired with his own work tensions. I helped my son with 30s speech, accurate and to the point and easy to deliver. My son's speech was more about him and about his unique character. But when I daughter asked me to help, I flinched as a mother I knew all about her flaws, so I did not want to write something which is not, rather than about her character, I stressed more on what she will do. I got this brilliant idea by mentioning her work in words which start with 'R'. In that way, all she has to do is remember the words, not sentences. The problem with my daughter is she is not scared or thrives for perfectionism. So won't work hard to be her best. But lucky for her, her speech is going to take place in her class, addressing her classmates.

Once my husband came from work, we showed our work. He nodded with agreement, but later after few hours at about 7:30 P.M. sowed doubts in my son saying that your speech is more towards you than about what you do for others. Time is precious during school days, how will his remark help him out at end of the day. At 9:00 P.M., my son makes a remark by saying I'm not happy with my speech. I need to alter. So he added a line by saying "Let me be your voice at Student Council." but kept the remaining part of speech exactly the way it was written.

Time has come!! His first speech!! Will he flinch or come out successful?

Even on that day too, as usual my daughter delayed, my husband, the great woke up late as he did not get enough sleep, I did everything from ironing to packing lunch, snack boxes, preparing omelettes, making sure with their speeches, posters but what is the use - instead of providing a cool atmosphere to our son, we were  rushing and driving fast so that they won't be tardy on their important day. God's grace and my husband's impeccable driving skills, we reached the school with few seconds left to ring the bell.

I did a great job with my son's 11*14 poster using photoshop.  Believe it or not, for my daughter, I did not use photoshop or struck her photo as I thought it will be too much for class representative post, so made her do the decoration, on that morning as we did not go shopping for posters in the weekend as we did not get fliers from school about what and when, to do certain things for campaign.

So when me and my husband entered the school to watch campaign speeches and support our son, I was surprised and embarrassed to see myself and my husband all alone as there was no other parent to witness. The cafeteria was totally occupied by students and faculty, no outsiders. If you've read my previous posts, you'll know how one particular incident tainted my relationships with faculty. After that one incident, I never felt comfortable around them and always gives me goosebumps as I feel like they are judging me, cursing me...disliking me...all kinds of negative thoughts swirl around me. I kind of walk behind my husband's shadow, imaging that they can't see me now. I hate my attitude, even though I did not do anything wrong, even though they misunderstood me, but they hurt my innocent soul and now I don't feel comfortable.

Unbelievable, yes, that's the word came to my mind, when my son delivered the speech. Even though, he slightly altered the speech, but the way he delivered was crystal clear, directly looking into the crowd, totally poised.

Some fumbled, some looked at their notes, some dressed up pretty well, some had lofty goals on their list, some gave casual but still were able to connect... on the whole, awesome to see kids growing up, not just growing up but growing up in a right path. I wondered about how kids were able deliver speeches so confidently - is it due to familiar atmosphere or "ignorance is a bless" kind of attitude where you don't worry about mistakes or fear or how the voice comes out or what if I forget - basically it looked more like kids delivering speeches in front of a family member - no strangeness or strange feeling. When my husband heard about other kids laying out future promises, he remarked by saying, I was right, Pranay will be saying more about himself than what's his plans. I said, "well, it is too late to remark." But all our disappointments laid to rest, when my son started delivering the speech. In that 30s, he introduced himself and mentioned his character traits as a reason for why he is standing in front of them and declaring his candidacy for Secretary. He usually is very reserved, doesn't show any kind of emotions, and for him to come across in that way, in front of 300+ people was just awesome! Truth to be told, I did not like the way other kids speeches about what they will do, where they can take the school...when they don't even know the limitations they face. I go by what I wrote for my son in his speech, that 30s is the ideal time to introduce and talk about your character to make judgement of who is the right candidate for the post. Turbulence occurred when other kids who are close to my son started picking on him. They said other character traits about you on the poster are true other than being "humble" and "honest". By bragging about his character traits, he is not humble and thereby he is not honest. He came home with gloomy face, I said tell them that you bragged about your character at right time and right place and that's what you've to do when you're campaigning. There is nothing wrong. Yesterday, when he wore a homemade T-shirt made my himself, they picked on him, by saying the quality of the t-shirt is not good, hey, your head might fall off, you're crazy to wear and you proved it by wearing that t-shirt, are you really that desperate to become on. I'm totally speechless, the worst thing is whoever picking on him are his so-called friends and who are all Indian descendants. They may lack ambitions or lack of support from parents or have no creative minds of their own, to pick on their own classmate is just a shameless act. Well, I had explain my son of not worry about those comments. All you had to do was get your name out, let them call crazy or whatever, you accomplished your goal by being creative, courageous and maintaining higher standards from rest of the candidates. By daughter's speech got postponed by two days, so she had ample time to practice, which she did and with new inspiration from her bro, delivered pretty well and according to her - got a long applause. Last night, I made 20+ sentences using popular songs to deliver a message to vote for my son for secretary. So in a fun filled way, playing what's-that-song game and still able to do pass on the campaigning message. Waiting anxiously for the outcome - don't know a dreadful/mean comments from kids or a supportive one. I'm even scared of school - will they encourage or label me as a pushy parent? To be honest, as I told you, I want to be perfect in what I do. As a parent, if I have some brilliant ideas, I would like to pass it on, show them the way to be done. My son is doing because he wants to do something good for the school before he leaves. As a parent, is it not my responsibility to help? And that too when I've time and sources. In last incident with the school, they accused me that I'm giving undue advantage to my son over others. It is not my fault, if working parents don't have time to help their kids with speeches or slogans or campaign posters. I have time and occasionally brilliant ideas, so why I'm wrong? Rice people send their kids to private school because they can afford, so will that be undue advantage over other kids? That's how the world world. Beating the odds and coming out successful is what makes life worth while to live, appreciate and inspire. Well, no one said or accused of me anything, but the voices in my head due to past experiences, giving me a guilty feeling, when I heard some kids speeches which were awful and when I saw some kids how they forgot the lines or how some did not even put effort or when I noticed how my son's poster was eye catching...made me realize the advantage my son has over others. Is that my fault? I say, that's how the world is.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

There is always something there to remind me.

Met Javier
Fernandez while
browsing channels..
Yes, yes, that's the smile..
..that's what I thought.
It all started with Jude Law's portrait!
Did my own sketch without
having any clue about facial
bone structure or width of the
nose or cheek/chin bone structure..
Retouched Jude Law's painting..
did not know, why the painting
resembled my friend steward..
Found someone online with
kind of same facial features..
but again..not sure.
Explored the world
of animation to depict
his facial expressions
when he laid eyes on me
for the first time!
Regular google search
for my friend
led me to this guy..
so removed his curly locks
and tried to make him look
like my friend.

Finally, happy to declare that this
is my friend for whom I'm searching.
Following an artist on twitter, led me to
her boyfriend's sketch. Looking
at the sketch made me realize a close resemblance
to my friend.
So on Sep 13th 2012, after 464 days,
I am 100% sure, this is how he looks.
Does this mean anything? Not logically,
but at least solved the puzzle!
The face even after so many days,
still fresh in my mind
still as if I met him
I like his grim face..
...represents longing for me,
just like the way I do for him.
After one and half year, I finally present you the oil painting of him. This is him!
If any Lufthansa Steward resembles like him, please let me know.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Getting to know the life of Flight Attendants

Hey look, What I am reading now....CRUISING ATTITIDE by Heather Poole.

Every word, every sentence, you know about whom I'm thinking.....don't you know?

I eagerly waited for so long to get this book into my hands from the time I came to know through Ms. Poole's twitter account. I checked the local Barnes & Noble, but couldn't find. I checked at my local library and it was not there. My sister was able to borrow from California Library but no such luck for me. After a lot of research, I came to know ILL - Inter Library Loan. I requested the library and hoped to get hold of this book. After a month of long wait, last Saturday, I got an email from Library about the book. I was like...oh boy! it happened! Now, I'll know everything about Flight Attendants. Woo-hoo! The whole Saturday, I felt so happy. I asked myself couple of times of why I'm feeling internally happy, like as if I achieved something. I went through the events of the day to figure out - what was making me feel happy - a sense of accomplishment.....then I figured out....going to get to read this book is the one, making me happy. Like something I wished and it is happening. Through Ms.Poole's twitter, I came to know that lot of Flight Attendants reading this book during their off duty and even Lufthansa FAs too. This book has its own German version.

I visualized and questioned myself about how my steward got into Flight Attendant's career. Did his mom apply for him or his passion for flying, meeting new people, traveling to new places, surprising/unplanned adventures - what made him to be a Lufthansa Flight Attendant? Did he finish college or joined with some kind of diploma? How old was he when he became a Flight attendant? What does he think about being in a female oriented work field? I visualized the whole process of what he might have gone through at the training center - meeting beautiful newbies, working hard by going through the flight manual, learning about different kinds of airplanes, medical training, process of dressing up well, be well-groomed, mannerisms, facial expressions, kindness...and finally, how elated he must have been when he wore for the first time, the Lufthansa Uniform. And what might have gone through his brain when he took his first International flight?

And then the adventures of crashpads if he did not have his own place in Frankfurt, struggles with few crazy/uncooperative co-flight attendants, cool trips with new members to new places, dining outs. With so much happening around him, meeting beautiful women all the time, I ask myself - why did he like me? Why was he delighted to see my face? Why he laid eyes on me? Why, why, why......only to mess up my brain?

Forget about me, but let us review the job.....God, how hard it is until you reach the seniority level. Discipline is such an important character for a flight attendant. Time is so crucial for them - money, keeping the  job....everything depends on TIME! What all he might have gone through during the probation time. Getting into Lufthansa, a second popular European carrier speaks volumes about his character, discipline, priorities and well-planned life for a twenty-something guy. According to the book, FAs who are on 767 or on International flights usually are experienced crew. Well, that makes him - experienced! So how old is he? Why was he at the tail section of the plane? Will that make him Junior? Not according to the Lufthansa Flight Attendant with whom I conversed through emails. So may be Lufthansa works different way! And I guess whoever works for Lufthansa, 
 once they get hired, will surely fly international destinations in no time.

Quote from the book: "Getting down on one knee to passenger's level makes flight attendants less threatening and puts passengers at ease."

Oh boy, that's what he did when my daughter asked for an eraser. So sweet!

Right now, I'm reading her hardships in New York which is her base. For a woman to survive in this tough man's world alone in the nights day after day for such a low salary, screaming darkness, landlords involved with drugs, rapists lurking around to find the next target - Is it worth? I don't know how safe Frankfurt is for crew members - easy living/good accommodations or scary/dangerous place like New York?

Right now, I'm at why relationship with a flight attendant can be tricky. This should interesting one to know πŸ˜‰
To tell you the truth, I couldn't have handled being in relationship with a flight attendant. The partner need to busy, confident, independent and be ready for long gaps of no-seeing each other which is quite regular in flight attendant's life. Even though I love love steward, I would have been insecure because of his good looks and countless encounters with beautiful colleagues and rare passengers like me. But the guy flight attendant whom I'm following on twitter is dating another flight attendant. He made her to move to his base city i.e., NY. Both meet pretty often, go to concerts, games and tour different countries together, not called as so-called vacation but an evening in Zurich or a five day trip to Sweden and even when they are away from each other, they connect through skype.

Tip to get rid of the nasty ear pain during descent - pinch your nose, close your mouth, and gently exhale through your nostrils.

This one totally made me emotional. If you remember in my letter to Lufthansa, I praised
him and requested them to pass the message. Hope he received a special thanks from this stranger.

That's what makes me cry.  Well, after reading this, I've no hopes of him ever searching for me or thinking about me. The tender moment we had, has no meaning in his heart. Just like that we made a connection and just like that everything gone...yes, like as if I imagined the whole thing.
 How the hell, I'm suppose to know that once I step out of the plane, that's the end of me and him? I was ignorant!!
After analyzing for so many months, I am sure we had something special from the time we laid eyes on each other.  At one occasion, without blinking I stared at him while he was right in front of me, thinking and questioning about any chance of him liking me....While passing my seat, I turned towards my left to have one more look towards him and that's when I saw him looking at me. I know for sure that moment was the ice break. It gave him confidence that whatever was going on was a two way street but I balked out when he indicated to come to the galley. I still remember the excitement on his face! Til that moment, I have never in my life experienced some handsome guy showing excitement for ME.
So naturally, I couldn't took awhile to analyze. Well, what's the use πŸ˜’
The world has changed a has made everyone to be in touch with each other if you desire to be in touch, but of course not in my case though :πŸ˜’
The above words from the book made me feel pity for flight attendants til I read the below one.....
amazing moments of flight attendants
Don't have to feel sorry for them....they are survivors. Like everybody's life, they too face ups and downs in life. But according to the author, they will experience tons of amazing moments. So don't feel sorry for them!!! Always there will be lot of young guys who will  ready to sweep them off their feet....even though it might be temporary.
Hey, something better than nothing...right?
inflight drinks
I did not know about this when I had my first inflight alcohol served by my friend steward πŸ˜‰
benefits of being a flight attendant
Hey, look at the benefits of being a Flight Attendant!!!
flight manners
I really enjoyed reading this book.  Totally a roller coaster ride - one chapter you feel sorry for them but couple of pages later, you find yourself questioning based on few flight attendants quotes that they know how to survive and with their looks, they know how to mix up work and romancing a wealthy one and enjoying the perks of temporary high class club. This book is totally meant for air travelers even though lot of readers are tending to be flight attendants. 
how to get flight attendant's attention
High score for me. I say 'Please' and 'Thank you' and I even removed earphones when my friend steward offered an advice on how to drink tomato juice πŸ˜ƒ
conversing  with flight attendants
Check out how quick and easy to start a conversation and start a new relationship. That's how
Poole's husband interacted with her when they met for the first time.
 Like her husband, God placed me in steward's cabin serving side but I let it slip.

Few questions, I did not get answer from the book:
  • She totally did not mention about dating attractive straight stewards. That was the reason, I chose the book to read - to get a glimpse of straight stewards attitude. What I gathered after reading her book is female flight attendants prefer pilots - a person who has status, cash and perks to pull on. Not the one(straight stewards) who is like one of them.
  • I am not sure of who takes care of hotel expenses. As far as I know, it should be taken care by the airline, but few sentences contradicted and confused me. 
  • Can a pilot choose crew members? If so, in that way, if he is married to a flight attendant, they both can fly together to different destinations. Together Always!!
I kinda feel slightly pity for straight stewards. Do they get respect from anybody? When I traveled by Lufthansa, I did not see any disrespect at all. All crew members were respectful of each other. I don't know whether it is an American thing or all through out the industry, but I don't want anybody to disrespect my steward. If that kind of stereo type exists through out the industry, maybe he should quit.

Then I thought about the flight attendant job. The job sounds interesting but once you get to experience the different places in the world, won't the fun vanish...later on it will become just routine - same destinations, same airports, same planes. Especially, once you become old, nobody looks at you or care for you. Everyday's routine take away the charm of meeting new people. That's what I noticed when I traveled by American Airlines, the flight attendants won't even do eye contact or smile....just do lifeless service. Nobody feels special, neither the passenger nor the flight attendant. That's the contrast between international and domestic. 

Look at this tweet from a male straight flight attendant whom I follow on twitter:
"11 F as in "Fuck yeah!" To:-) to stockholm. Economy plus, bitches!"

Well, after reading this, I can't picture my steward talking in this way because his mannerisms, politeness is what attracted me. Of course his face, but the pull towards him was the way he treated me - the way he looked at me, smiled at me, respected me...gave a feeling of me being "special" in an unique way. Even though, there was a steward on my return flight too, but not even once he made an eye contact. I was so INVISIBLE Hope my friend steward is really a genuine one! Hope he did not curse me, when I raised his hopes of being interested in him and then did not acknowledge when he gave an indication to come to the galley. Well, whoever or whatever he is, hope he is happy, respected and is enjoying his life and work.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Snippets from "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" by Deborah Moggach

"The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" is about a group of British retirees who decide to spend remaining life in Bangalore, India as living in Britain was becoming tougher due to expensive cost of living. Though the new environment is not the way they imagined, but they all make new friends, share each others life stories and at the end discover that life and love can begin again when you let go of the past.

When I saw the movie clip, I thought it will be funny to watch but my enthusiasm sky dived, once I started reading the novel. I still finished the whole novel. In between, there were few surprises along the way and few head turning "racism" oriented lines.

Some of the sentences which caught my attention:

Love comes once

need a partner

Pitfalls of marrying an Indian man
Pitfalls of marrying an Indian man
attaining nirvana
Indian philosophy about rebirth, life after death and how you attain NIRVANA

Indian men are Mama's boy
Indian Men, a good example of Mama's boy!!
I shared this with few friends of mine. We all had such a good laugh and almost all girl pals commented -"Oh, so true!"

Haha....funny! Yes, so true. That's what you will notice once you step on Indian soil.
Casual walk on road with hands over each others shoulders!
Because like in Western culture, Indian young men don't think about Gays. Until you get
the experience of Western world, Indians don't think in those lines.
Other day, when I was watching soccer, players were jumping, thumping on each other...
that is just common. For some reason in Western countries, it is taboo!
Not wearing pink or tight shirts or pants or too much embellishments on shirts....all indicated to GAYness!
Back in India, that's what you see!
;The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Fact of life: Men get everything they want irrespective of their age.
Example: Why on Earth a 20-something will marry Alec Baldwin.
What will make her fall for an old guy?
I guess, it is women's fault that they always need someone to pour their affection.
We are givers at any age!!
Reviews in Amazon says to watch movie than read the novel as it is much more funnier. Haven't seen the movie yet. Not interested to see anyway as I don't want to see anything related to Bangalore.

Anti-social Traveler Behavior

Her tactics included avoiding eye contact; stretching her legs onto the neighboring seat; sitting in the aisle seat, blasting her iPod and pretending not to hear people asking for the window seat; placing many small items on the other seat so it was clearly “not worth their time” for passengers to wait for Loretta to clear it; pretending to sleep; and looking out the window with an off-putting “blank stare.”

Click here to read further!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Make me to forget him, make me to forget...

That's what I'm chanting in front of God! Yes, I want to forget him. It is just impossible to meet him!

I should just think one more time that I came across a great loving character from a short story book but once I finished up reading, I should just move on to a new one or I can read the short story again and again without any new additional material or a sequel to it as the writer, in my case, the writer is none other than the God, who doesn't want to add or create a sequel to this short ten hour story as he thinks that's what is best for this story characters 😰.

If that is the case, please allow me to move on. Show me a new book on a different subject or wipe away my memory, make me forget him. Please!!!!

Divert me to something else. Show me something new and interesting. Please!! Please!!! I beg you! Please!!

For some reason, I get this unexplainable feeling, some kind of sense or a thought to check for him somewhere but the problem is I don't have any damn place to search for him. Why does my brain give some kind of signal to check on him when I don't have any place to search for him in this whole wide world. His smiley face pops up in my visual thoughts from time to time, raising hopes but God, where can I go in search for him, when I don't know anything about him? You have to help me!!! Please make me to forget him - no more his smiley face! I can't reach you, ok! I had a chance, but I blew it. So let us just forget. I know for sure, I'm the only one suffering, totally one side and yes, I know it is due to my uninteresting life. So please God, help me! Please!!

The tears which are flowing from my eyes have no meaning. Maybe I'm depressed and just using his excuse, I guess. If there was something pure between us, through means of telepathy, you would have known that I'm calling for you, but there is no such thing.

So I beg you God, help me to forget him!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Thinking about you

Don't know why, but I'm thinking about you so much. Why Lufthansa cabin crew strikes are making me emotional? I guess, it might be because it is related to you. And I guess, definitely, you might be taking part in it on Friday. Please pose for some news cameras!! Get on google images! Let me see you!!

"Germany's Lufthansa said it was open to mediation in a row with cabin crew over pay and conditions after being threatened with a costly Germany-wide strike on Friday.

A second day of rolling strikes by the UFO union, which represents around two-thirds of Lufthansa's 18,000 flight attendants, on Tuesday resulted in the cancellation of over 350 flights and left 43,000 passengers stranded."

I wonder about what you are thinking about this disturbance that too in such a huge scale. 43,000 passengers stranded! Such a huge number! Lufthansa who cares for customer service is letting strikes happen. And what about cabin crew who has been trained to be the best among airlines for their service is causing disruption to so many lives? Can't blame you, when company is allowing it to happen. Of course, without fight, nothing can be achieved in this world!! So best of luck to you! Hope things gets resolved, the way you wish it to be.

Your Awaiting Friend!!

Oh, how can I forget you, boy
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

I was born to love you, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me

'Cause there is always something there to remind me

Always something there to remind me

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Breaks my heart!!

So many photos of Lufthansa cabin crew......but still I can't find my friend. Where is he?

I've been everywhere, man
Looking for you babe
Looking for you babe
Searching for you babe

Where have you been
Cause I never see you out
Are you hiding from me, yeah?
Somewhere in the crowd

Where have you been,
All my life, all my life

Even though UFO maybe right in going ahead with strike but I feel bad for Lufthansa and for their reputation. Lufthansa tries so hard to be perfect and maintain higher standards but no. of cancellations/delays will effect their brand/passengers. Why did they allow the strike to happen? Should have negotiated with their employees before dealing with such a massive attack and putting their loyal passengers under discomfort. But I like the power of UFO! Standing up for each other to achieve one goal - treat your employees properly and think what is best for them not just for the company, because they are the representatives of your company.

I don't understand why my friend won't appear in front of any camera and make my life easy. So many crew members are out and participating and I can't FIND him. Why, oh why? Would have known, at least for a day where he was and how he looks after a year. I really really want to see his smiley face.