Thursday, December 29, 2011

Why I'll Pop Twelve Grapes on New Year's Eve at Midnight?

Many Spaniards will pop 12 grapes into their mouths at midnight — one with each chime of the clock. Each grape represents a wish for happiness and luck for every month in the coming year.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

My Take on Steve Jobs

I'm currently in the midst of Steve Job's Biography. I totally love this book and kind of feeling emotional while going through his life journey. Wish I could make my son read this book but I cannot as the book reveals in certain sections the dark side of Steve Jobs. As an adult, I can understand that in this long stretched live and learn life, you sometimes go through dark period which you want to completely erase, but nonetheless, it will become part of your life's history and at the end, you can alter it by doing something amazing and make people see the goodness when they think about you.

The difference between rest of the world and Steve Jobs is about the passion which he carried all throughout his life. Everybody has some or the other kind of passion for something but we lose due to things not happening as we wished it to be and we give up but he like a crazy man believed that he can cause a dent in the universe. I strongly believe he too might have lost the drive in between due to love or family or disorientation but he created an army who believed in what he believed in and that's what fulfilled his desire of causing a dent in the universe.

One more thing wonders me is, even though, from the beginning, he created wonderful but controlled products by not letting owners/geeks to take unsolicited advantage of fabricating the Apple devices, he still made people to fall in love and buy his products. And not only that, but developers all over the world welcomed it by writing some unique and outstanding apps which changed our way of living. In this era, where you always can find something to suit your desires and not to make yourself stop to one company's product, still Apple succeeded by its unique, innovative simple-to-look-but-can-do-amazing-things kind of devices. I strongly feel that Android is for people who don't like to be controlled and who has some rebellious attitude in them and want to do things their own way by breaking or writing their own code whereas Apple is for masses who just love to use a pre-built product which makes them look cool and to use these immense apps collection which can make their life easy and breezy without putting much effort or thought.

I skipped few pages, to just to see how the author ended the book. As expected, it ended with Steve Jobs thoughts on death. One particular sentence made me emotional is when he said that life maybe like on and off switch and maybe that was reason why he did not ever used on-off switches on Apple's devices.

As far as I know, his life would've gone either way but luckily God has chosen him to be something extraordinary and made us believe that things can really happen when you're totally, totally crazy over something which you believe in. One additional thing, I learned is to switch off the negative/unwanted/dreamsqueezer stuff - Disorientation from reality. Well, it helped him to be productive even though caused mental anguish to others but finally whoever involved in making those devices are proud of being a part of it. Even though, he passed away, his imprints are everywhere.......... what else you want more than that from this long stretching life. At the end, he made his birth/life meaningful and that kind of life is worth to live. I'm still inquisitive to know the purpose of my life. I want to know why I'm still here.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Twitter Life

Discovering about TWITTER:

  • People just want to auditorily and visually perceive postitive stuff about them. Anything negative criticism, better you keep to yourselves.

  • You can easily use bad language and insult others but just throw those kind of tweets to general public....without referencing anybody's name - Remember rule no.1

  • Follow anybody and expect them to follow you back. Some do as a random goodness.

  • Tweet less with strangers and if you still want to reply to their tweets, remember rule no. room for criticism.

  • Ofcourse, you can reply/criticize celebrities as anyway they don't read all the comments.

  • Good place to get all kinds of news.

  • Remember only comedians can insult others or pass a negative comment and still can get away, but not you, COMMON FOLKS.

Well, now my problems are I don't like to follow anybody or everybody. I prefer celebrities whom I like and respect their work, newschannels which gives you lot of information and keeps you up to date with current affairs, computer related or something which ameliorates and gives me room to grow, positive quotes to become a better person, inspirational quotes to get inspires and finally ordinary people like straight stewards as I want to know about their life.

The problem with me is I just too straight forward talker or maybe haing loose tongue. I don't know how to put honey in every tweet/talk. Its not my cup of tea to think before you talk. Of course, I'm sensitive but the problem with me is I'll be reserved at the beginning but once I see a friendship developing, I just become "me" and communicate whatever I feel and that communication can go either way positve or negative. I just say what I see.

Based on my interests, I started following few commeners. Even though, they follow me based on no.3-random goodness, they don't ever bother to reply to my any tweets or views. I ask what's the use of following someone when you have to keep your opinions to yourselves. For me, its really blessing if no one follows me as I want to tweet whatever comes to my mind and not bother about someone criticizing about my tweet/thought. If someone follows, I really expect them to spill out their thoughts(good ones). Wow! look at my hypocracy, I want positive replies but I expect someone to take my negative dialogues. But negative replies are more of a tease...I've this bad habit of teasing or making fun just to lighten up the situation...I may think that I joked but as usual the receiver never gets my joke. Sometimes, I feel like shutting my mouth caz I always somehow come across as a jerk who killed the good mood by trying to be funny. I remember J's words: You are continuing with your outlandish comments as if you know me.

Damn! I did it again.

From over a month, I started following a steward on Twitter. Very nice guy, writes openly about everything in his blog about his life/thoughts/positve-negative stuff about his job. Once he tweeted about how his car is making him spend money and then I replied by making him follow an article about how a guy took take care of his car which finally made him to get special Honda parade on the mark of his car, crossing a million mark. After reading that article, he replied in a amicable way saying that no way his car going to make it. To and fro, his tweets and my replies happened, in between asusual, I came across as a person who makes the other person feel morose - eg: when he tweeted about his rough day caz of crashpad...I researched on crash pads and replied to him saying "just now read an article on crash pads. Never thought so much goes on behind the scenes. Hard life indeed.

Remember No.1 from my list, say positive, if you say anything negative, people don't feel comfortable. Of course, as expected, he did not reply and asusual, it started bothering me and I was like God, why I do awful things...why can't I say positive, why can't I make cheerful happy comments which makes everybody feel good about themselves.

Anyway, he wrote in his blog about even though from time to time Flight Attendants face difficulties but Flight Attendants life has some positive attributes like going to international games, visiting beautiful places, meeting new people... that too on layovers and at the same time getting perdiems.

Well I tweeted back by saying "I guess I tweeted too soon about FAs having "hard life" without thinking about the perks. You genuinely know how to enjoy life." And then he replied back by saying you've to remember once you deplane, all your problems are gone - new life, new place, new you.

Once when he tweeted about how he has to be in a U.K. during Thanksgiving time where no one cares about it. As usual, without thinking, I replied to his tweet by saying "Aww, you miss TG and Xmas too. On +ve side, you might get a chance to stand under mistletoe in a diff ctry w newFoundLove;)"

The problem with this tweet is it gives you a hope/unfulfilled desire which finally leads you to melancholy. But he DM-ed me by asking about what's my story with steward I'm searching. For which I replied: mailto:NoPokerFaceStew+Love@FirstSight+TriedForConv+SignalToCome&Speak+GirlDidnotRespond+NowDesperateToTraceHim=GreatestDramaEver

Recently, he shared his facebook page which showed his awesome picture collection from all over the world depicting his journey to different parts of the world. I replied to his tweet by saying, "Serious photography, awesome collection...using resources pretty well. Freaky profile pic, quite opp to desc."

As usual, I did not feel good after my replied. I was like why do you have to criticize, it is their profile, they can do whatever they want to...who are you to pass your judgement...when will you ever learn a lesson.

But luckily, he took in a positive way and even started following me. I was like: Please don't follow me and judge me based on my tweets/interactions. Things went pretty well by me giving suggestions about how the old profile picture stood out due to its sepia color...he acknowledged and said that he is being lazy and not using apps to downsize the file size to use an appropriate profile picture.

Yesterday, he tweeted saying that seriously, no one should tweet interesting topics as he has to accomplish something and for which, in funny way I replied by saying "Can't take seriously with that profile pic...uh-huh! can't"

Remember if anything negative, people DON'T RESPOND!! Seriously, his current profile picture is the silliest picture, almost like a clown and I, as usual, when I see progress in communication, I take a huge leap and talk whatever comes to my mind and people DON'T LIKE IT!!

I just hate when I repeat the same mistakes again and again. But this is who I am, I guess - IDIOT who never learns a lesson. I goof around and just say, whatever the hell I want to and then feel bad thinking about the way I came across. I've no right to say anything negative to anybody but I keep on forgetting and poke my nose in others business. I sometimes feel like hanging huge boards everywhere wherever I walk, reminding me of "BE POSITIVE", "SAY POSITIVE OR JUST SHUTUP" I've to drill these mantras. But then my brain is saying, can't I have fun, teasing others............No, YOU CAN'T!!! Do they know you or do you know them? Haven't you ever heard: "GIVE RESPECT TO GET RESPECT".

I just don't know where to draw a line of being funny and friendly. I better not tweet to commoners. Just comment anything(not vulgar or insulting) to celebrities, you won't have to feel bad if they don't reply caz they can't(Just too many followers) or you don't have to think whether you upset any poor soul.


Who knows, it might be all in my head. Sometimes I'm trepidacious to create bond with someone other than my family but sometimes I want to have real friends with whom I can discuss and say anything I want to. Developing a friendship with the twitter steward, petrified me - who knows where it leads to or what kind of hopes/desires he is withholding, all I want is friendship and someone to like me. When he converses with others on twitter, I feel comfortable thinking it is just not me but he is bonding with others too and that's good.

Anyway, that's what going on in my life. I'll be cautious in communicating with others. I'll not give a chance for him to block/unfollow me. That will really hurt. When you make a remark, you need to think of person's state of mind and their life for which you've to know more about the person. Whenever I think of my comment, the way it can be delivered puts a smile on my face but it can turn offensive too, if you don't know the person. This case I don't know much about him for even to comment such a way. He is alone/single/slightly-getting-bald/might-be-frustrated-with-his-life/no-family....and my comments will totally evoke the strom. Why the hell he needs to go through that too from some stranger? So, I should just shut up and just follow him to know stewards lifes.

I wanted to send an email to Lufthansa Flight Attendant(helper) about my latest revelation - the look alike. But, then I don't want to, what's the use....I, anyway, spoil every relationship with the way I deal with people. Always something WRONG!! FRUSTRATING!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


I can't believe my eyes, I finally found someone who looks totally like him. I was searching from longtime on TV or in any movie, to find some celebrity who resembles him so that I can always remember his face.The other day, I was browsing channels on TV and suddenly I felt like seeing Ice skating as during this time of the year, with Christmas lights, wintery weather, snowy white lands, scarves, boots; ice skating makes you feel like falling in love all over again and just glide on the ice along with the flowing music.

And suddenly.........drum-roll please!!!

Canadian Ice Skating Grand Prix 2011:

Younger version of him, I guess:

Javier Fernandez
The whole time, I was like maybe he is a German and then the way he did not have any accent and was speaking fluent English, I thought he might be an American but working for a German airline. I visualized meeting him somewhere in some cafe or in some restaurant in some American city but now....ugh!!

 Javier looks more like a kid, but my steward was mature, decent and displayed higher standards as he is a steward so naturally interpersonal skills were little towards higher side. Seeing Javier gives me a notion of as if he is acting like Javier, an ice skater, in some movie by changing his face slightly to make himself look like an immature young lad.

I really really feel like I know him. Some surreal feeling whenever I think about him. Divine or what, I don't know, but the Flight Attendant who wanted to help me is also a Spaniard. And recently, I even brought a book from library about Ralph Nadal, who is also SPANIARD. What's happening..........wandering all over and at the end when the dots get connected, I may reach him.

Nothing is impossible, right? I want him to find me and recognize me and keep the same delighted-to-see-your face then I can finally feel that I got what I wanted all through my life. From no where, suddenly Stevie Wonder's song "Isn't she lovely" song playing in my head. My brain knows what and when to play...........

Friday, December 2, 2011

Found Love In A Hopeless Place

Hopeless Place
Last Tuesday, I went to see this movie "Like Crazy". By the time movie ended, I was speechlessly emotional. It just reminded me of if things were different in my life, I would have had same kind of love in my life with the Flight Attendant. I would have just dwelled myself in that kind of love with him 24/7/365 and I feel, he too might have been same. Based on what I know about myself, like the way I believe in LOVE, like the way I believe in someone, I could have just slipped in to this movie character. During their first few meetings, there were unspoken communication but still understood by each other, only through eyes - you try to pass some kind of message about inner feelings. I really like that. It really happens, when you've some unexplainable feelings...during that time only eyes can speak. I just love love innocent love which is not based on sex or lust but pure love to be with that special person.

What makes me lose heart and feel gloomy is, the way movie shows about these two characters having this unconditional, emotional love and finally like the way it usually happens and of course based on my experience of how I reached to the conclusion that this unspeakable love for someone exists forever but somehow cannot come out or cannot be talked anymore as some things or rifts which happen overtakes the love and by which these two people will not express truly their angst even though true love and longing exist. The movie proves that the love journey is great at the beginning-phase, you chase and feel miserable till you get it but once you get it, expectations overtake love, the pain overtakes indescribable love. "Love" becomes so crazy that jealousness overtakes your thinking, you become obsessed about the person that any time if there is a bit of difference in communication, you feel the racing of the heart, the anxiety, too much unexplainable emotions. Painful to go through emotions of being in love and face disappointments/uncertainties. Even if everything is alright, the distance magnifies the minor mistakes into a huge glacier.

At one instance after six months of separation, when the girl receives a great career news, she wanted to let him know. She texts him about the news and even sends him a message saying "I miss you", and even though he misses her and types the message, but quickly changes his mind of not sending. OMG! at that time, my heart cringed. I forced myself out to not-to-cry, otherwise, I would have had literally cried in the theater. At the end of the movie, even though they meet, there was sadness all over. The great joy of getting together was not there. Both have to picture their beginning moments of their love journey to feel how much they loved each other, how they have outgrown from their innocent, unstoppable, indescribable love and longing for each other and how much they have changed.

I suppress my feelings as I've no way to go but if I let myself out, I can become crazy with overbearing feelings for the Flight Attendant. I don't know whether it is love or the feeling of being in love or I see the promise of unconditional 24/7/365 love of just being involved in each other without worrying about career or people or whatever. When I think of the moments I had with him, the way he looked at me, the way his face lit up, the way he tried to have a conversation over tomato juice, the way he gave me a sign to come and talk over makes me miss him so much. I want to have those moments. I want to see him. I like the idea of me and him being together, just love about being with each other.

Like Crazy
Now days, I keep on drawing these male and female faces, facing each other and looking at each other with longing eyes. Tears fill my eyes when I think about him and want to meet him again but at the same time, my other part of brain says - what’s the use? That's it; my tears will go back to its place. He is right here in my brain and sometimes, I see him so crystal clear but he keeps on playing the same scenarios instead of playing something new.

Katy Perry's song "The One That Got Away" plays over and over in my head. Tears fill my eyes, sinking feeling, heart feels heavy, chest starts as if a sudden drop on a roller coaster ride.

In another life, I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

Sometimes Christina Perri's Thousand years lyrics keep hittin' repeat-peat-peat-peat- peat

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought Your heart to me
I have loved you for a Thousand years

The other day, I dressed up pretty well and went for shopping, looking
around to see if I can have the same kind of scenario with someone, if I can feel some kind of connection with someone but do you know, what I figured out that even though you dress up well and look pretty, you cannot make somethings happen. And that's when I realized that such special feelings arise only with some special people. That kind of unexplaniable unspoken understanding happens only with few. And that's what makes them memorable. It proved that he was not into me because I looked pretty, it was because, he felt the connection, the divine intervention. I can fool around myself by hearing such songs but I made up my mind of not to make myself look like an idiot again and believe in something which I don't want to believe anymore. I'll dig and bury my wishes and dreams and will look forward to that day when I meet him again one more time to see his face lit up to see me again. And that's when I'll believe that we were SPECIAL! And June 7th was indeed, a special day.

This is what I do while taking bath - drawing faces. Don't know why, he kind of looks sad though. One more thing, I observed is our pupils indirectly talk or express out state of mind. According to this article, Scientists have actually studied how the way we feel about the things we see affects the size of our pupils. You can gain some insight as to how someone feels about you by observing changes in their pupils, and you can also affect the way someone feels about you by changing the size of your pupils! So whether you want to stare down an enemy or make someone fall in love with you, its upto us. Believe me, when I say, I saw his lit up when he saw me. And that's why I'm so sure of his feelings, his thoughts. The same look keeps on coming whenever I think of him. I've noticed myself in the mirror, when I'm really happy, my eyes look beautiful, suddenly live and expresses about my happy state of mind and enhances my beauty and spreads joy.

Even though, I got a positive enthusiastic email from the Flight Attendant who was helping me to find him, this is what I replied to her.


Well I learned to be patient and trusted that you'll reply back because you sounded genuine. I really appreciate, you taking time by emailing me that too in flamboyant style, showing off your vibrant character, positive thinking and zest for living. I wonder if I have not known you as a Flight Attendant, would I've guessed who you are from your email. Well, I don't know. But you truly come across as a true Flight Attendant - Positive, helpful and content with life.
I like the way you use emoticons to truly represent your mood and helps you to come across as a friendly person when especially in emails when you cannot see the expressions and cannot hear the tone. Wish emoticons can be used in formal letters too.

Unfortunately, last week was the worst week I ever faced because of the way I came across in my email to someone. Even though I had positive thoughts and merely was suggesting, I came across as overbearing.

People look beautiful and friendly with the way they talk and present themselves. Even though people may say - I'm open to suggestions, it is not quite true. Any advice can be taken as interference. Things look beautiful when they're away from you but once you come closer, you'll start seeing the cracks.

Recent incidents making to have second thoughts about the Flight Attendant whom I met. For some reason or the other, eventually people find faults in others and in that way, lose precious moments once they had. I had a beautiful moment with the FA, precious indeed. He made me feel special. I still remember how his face lit up, totally expressing how delighted he was to see me. Of course that's what Flight Attendant's job is to make you feel like you're welcome . But this was totally different as I've examined and studied, each and every one in my to and fro journey. By trying to find him and to chase the truth, I may jeopardize the positive feelings he filled me up with. I don't want it to happen that way. When you feel like the whole world hates you, at least you want to think of someone who likes you. I want him virtually to be there as a friend who likes me. We both instantly liked each other and acted out or felt like we both know each other from long time. But that's how every missed connection story goes on ... once you read it on the can't totally rely on that feeling. I seem to find closer and closer to him even though days and months pass. Recently, my subconscious brain informed me that his name is Marc/Mark Junior ... and he is a medical student from a well-respected family and has high aspirations of helping poor people. CLASSIC! Even though, I've good thoughts about him, I strongly feel not to search for him anymore. Recent incident alerted me to be realistic.
Unless you go by internal means, it is difficult to get in touch with him, just based on my sketch. If we're destined to meet like the way it happened on June 7th then we will surely meet again some day, some where. I want to hold on to that belief.

Whatever you said about Indian women is right but when something I strongly believe in, I try to pursue and get to know the answers. Honestly, I stopped using Facebook as I don't like my comments to be displayed on the internet and then being labeled by people based on my comments. Once my friend took undue advantage by sending me unwanted emails based on my status messages.

I'm happy for you for having a special person in your life. Congrats and best wishes in your new business adventure. I'm sorry but right now, I'm not interested to buy any of those products.
Thank you for your understanding, support and your strong belief on LOVE. Your romantic story sounds wonderful. Nice of him to share his email id for whatever the reason may be but made both of you to be in touch with each other.

Have a nice day!!


Until unless, you dig deep into "Like Crazy" movie characters, you'll never understand the

beauty of this movie. It is just my kind of movie. I exactly know, the characters feelings because I've been there. Almost all in this universe, might have dreamed of having an extraordinary career in their life but I always dreamed about having love like the way the movie showed. I know for sure that me and the flight attendant would have had same kind of love under different circumstances. The whole time, while I was watching I visualized him and missed him and felt the same kind of longing like the way two love birds feel for each other.

It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny
But I've gotta let it go
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place

P.S. The true love experience can be felt, only when a guy is in his early twenties. He doesn't mind to just let his feelings slip off. He doesn't mind to take any kind of action to reach his dream girl without pride or ego. And same goes with girls, they fall for someone special who treats them like they are special. No age bar when it comes to head-over-heels feelings, if the girl is immature - I don't know about whom we are talking here.