Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Giving up on LOVE!!

The truth about me is even though I'm craving for whomever-I-like's attention and love, the fact is I'm not going to alter of where I'm in my life. Recently, I received a funny, sarcastic email from my sister about what women want...

Can't believe women are so innocent, plain and simple.....

plain looking husband....

Normal size ring!

small wedding party...

honeymoon at any place...

a small house for kids to play....

lovely children....

husband is a family man...
but works hard..

small car for shopping...

another car for kids...

some collections...

shoes for each occasion....

some nice outfits...
bit of cosmetics...

makeup collection...

overseas trip once a year....
more often on domestic trips...
romantic dinners....
presents occasionally....
That's all women want.....

Sarcastic, of course, yes! but there is slight truth! If we go by pictures, well let us see, how many I achieved

1. 50/50 but he is SMART!!! Not much into dressing though...
2. Yes diamond ring but not as big as that and I don't crave for that.
3.Not glamorous, not the way I envisioned. I dreamed of sitting next to someone who loves me to death and we both look like we belong together, so involved, just into each other
4. No honeymoon
5. Yes, lovely house, perfect dream house, nothing to complain
6. Yes, kids are lovely and gifted!! Couldn't have asked for better....
7. Yes, husband is a family man, very involved, attends all the parent teacher meetings, takes kids to birthday parties.
8. Yes, totally works hard!
9. Acura TL baby!
10. Acura MDX!!!
11. Wish too but no ka-ching!!
12. in the process of accumulating
13. Yes some dresses but still negative
14.  not much into it
15. I can survive with minimum make up
16. Before kids but not now a days!  For all these vacations to enjoy, you need to feel the bond among couple or else it'll be like when we went to London for our first anniversary. I was trudging alone behind and far away from him as I was tired and was feeling cold and he was walking fast instead of holding my hand. His answer was I can't walk slowly in this cold weather.
17. Yes, domestic trips as he loves traveling, long drives just like me so...
18. Yes, we go for special dinners but he is not romantic, not much into me :(
19. Presents...don't ask me that! I crave for surprises but he doesn't believe in surprises. He is trying...once, he bought a designer perfume from Frankfurt duty free shop and surprised me. Well, that was four years ago!


Can really two people be so involved in each other forever?
Well the jury says you're doing great and be happy with what you've. Well then, why I'm not satisfied? As my husband says you always look like you're waiting for someone. Gosh! that is so true.Til 2008, I was so into family life, current affairs, listening to Bill O'Riley's hot topics and discussions while driving to pick up kids, listening to NPR radio, politics, world issues but after I met J, everything changed, the long desire of someone to love me and make me feel precious took prominence in my life. The need of someone to try or put some thought into how to converse or make me smile or to try to get my attention and to see me that I exist and that I'm special has overpowered my thoughts and desires.

In all previous posts, I emphasized on how uncanny I'm living from past three years.  J proved that the attention you get from others is just temporary and even if it is true, a person need to settle in life with kids, family, home and the rest of it which follows. I took a leap and missed out of experiencing love of another but later on in life, I've to be where I'm now. All the love and attention at the beginning of a relationship will last until you take your last breath is not guaranteed. So what's the use of me wallowing for Lufthansa 441 flight attendant or for J? Even if their affection is genuine, what can I do? I cannot leave what I've now. I'm not that kind of person who runs away when they see something new. I'm loyal and love my family even some of the things I wish it to be different. I don't know, what exactly I want but I think I want someone who likes/loves me to be always there for me, you know at least as a friend, on whom I can lean on or count on whenever I'm down, who can be make me feel like I'm special and worthy to exist in their life. The other day I was so depressed and then when I read the WSJ's article how people will lose height after reaching forty, unknowingly I was counting years to my death. I felt like years should pass quickly so that I can die. People should stop flirting if they're not serious or not into that person. Why to play with emotions? Not everybody is build to be strong.



Giving up on LOVE!!
I want to go back to who I was. Even my long desire to have a partner who loves more than anything will not come true, I want to live a life with what I've. I've to say bye to memories of J and Lufthansa flight attendant.First what I've to do is stop listening to love songs. I want to keep myself busy with non-fictional books that too which empowers body and soul and fun to read.

These are the books which I came across. So, I requested the local library to hold it for me:

A champion's mind : lessons from a life in tennis / Sampras, Pete
SEAL Team Six : memoirs of an elite Navy seal sniper / Wasdin, Howard E
Bossypants / Fey, Tina, 1970
The measure of a man [sound recording] / Poitier, Sidney.
The heart is a lonely hunter / McCullers, Carson, 1917-1967.

Let us see how it goes!!

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