Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Shared a moment with a stranger on Queen of the Skies

You may don't want to say anything, but I heard you 
Partner of love has chosen me, has chosen me,
and I heard it! 

First intoxication, first hangover, new love, new waiting 
What will I do to myself, oh, tell me my anxious heart;

Shall I roam around along this wind
Or shall I swing on these clouds
May I unite the sky and earth
Tell me friends what I should do and what not;

First intoxication, first hangover, new love, new waiting 
What will I do to myself, oh, tell me my anxious heart;

He spoke to me such a way that
he gave me dreams of thousand colors.
I will remain like as if I'm defeated
and he will kiss me with affection;

First intoxication, first hangover, new love, new waiting 
What will I do to myself, oh, tell me my anxious heart;
From Hindi movie: "Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar"

Lufthansa Flight Attendant
On June 7th 2011, I met an incredible man who took my breath away. He was a flight attendant of LH 441 flight from Houston to Frankfurt, Germany. Our meeting was special as God destined to make me meet him. My trip to India should have been from Dallas but due to seat unavailability issues, I had to fly from Houston. I frowned and showed my unhappiness by cribbing about it for days - worried about changing terminals, going through security.... but now, I know the reason, why I had to board that flight. I did oil painting of Jude Law with much older look before I left for India, but now, when I transformed his portrait by giving him much younger look (gave a triple times of soft glow)....voila! look who it turned out to be. Well groomed, the handsome gentleman I've ever met. Of course, he was much more cuter than this portrait. The look and the smile on his face was exactly like this as if he knows me from long time. It was like as if his eyes were talking.

Special Message to him: If ever by any chance, you fall upon here and read my post, please respond. I would like to know about you. Without any prejudice, just based on that day, if what I saw and thought was right, then you know what to do. I'm so dumb for not acknowledging you. I wanted to thank and praise you for your excellent service - energetic, helpful and that too with a welcoming attitude. I wanted to say that you're perfect and fine example for the job, but you were at the tail section of the plane and I couldn't meet you. I could have written a note or given a note to the other flight attendant with whom I had a long chat while waiting to exit. Wish I had courage and confidence. I turned over and tried to see  you one last time before departing but couldn't.... Communicating with you one more time will be just unbelievable unimaginable, an absolute miracle. Just thinking itself is brightening me up! Just do it! Til then I'll cross my fingers.... if destiny is involved here then it'll surely take its course....

Argh! sounds so stupid!

Whenever I hear songs on the radio or on MTV, I play this game called "What's on your mind?". While I was watching MTV, I thought whatever song is next that's what he is thinking about me. POP! Cobra Starship's "You Make Me Feel" song popped up. I was like wow! Looking all over the world for me! really! Even once while I was driving, I played the same game and again the same song. No wonder, this song is my favorite.

The outfit which I wore that day will be special and will hold a place in my heart. When hopelessness wrapped me like a blanket, out of the blue, he entered in my life with his radiant smile. On my way to Dallas, I vehemently searched for him in every Lufthansa Flight Attendant face, but, no one had that sweet gesture, the mannerisms, the welcoming smile, the sense of belonging, the familiarity and most importantly the close attentiveness.

On that day, I was lucky to board the plane earlier than my co-passengers as I was traveling with kids. I met him on my way to the restroom as I wanted to use the restroom before the plane gets full. I couldn't open the door. Out of somewhere, he came along and helped me to open and that's when I saw him but did not give much thought about him. But later as the flight progressed, I started noticing his sweet smile, his mannerisms, his welcoming way of approaching me, just made my heart sink. Oh, the moments are coming back, right in front of my eyes as I'm trying to go through each and every interaction I had with him. His soft way of speaking with total eye contact was so magical, melodious! I keep on standing in front of the mirror and think about the time he stared into my eyes for whatever seconds that was and then act out by keeping a question mark face and softly ask myself with a shy smile "what?". Oh how I wish of taking his picture and keeping it with me forever. I don't ever want to forget him. I feel so stupid for not trying to find his name, at least his first name as they don't disclose their full name on their uniforms which I found out later while traveling back to USA. I know he is German as I heard him speaking with his colleagues or might have learned German to be a flight attendant on Lufthansa. Oh, how my heart cringed when I couldn't see him on my return flight to Dallas. One way, it is good as who knows he may not show the same interest as before. The beautiful moment would have perished.

In a hard way, because of past experience, I learned the lesson of not to chase the beautiful moment and never to trust on a young guy's attention towards you as it may be just to flirt. Oh, how I wish that my moment with him is like the movie "Before Sunrise", where two people destined to meet, finally meet and get separated without knowing whether there will be a chance to meet again but with love and hope, they survive each day in the hope of meeting one day. Is there a possibility of him remembering me? He has the same charm as Leonardo Di Carpi in "Catch Me If You Can" movie. That's why I saved "Titanic" on my DVR to watch it later as that's how he looks young, vibrant, cute and full of life. I know very well that this world is filled with beautiful women and he'll encounter endless possibilities of meeting and greeting people. Will I stand out? Will I be that special person like in the movie "Letters to Juliet"?

Adam Levine's Stereo Heart lyrics are coming to my mind....

I only pray you never leave me behind
Because good music can be so hard to find
I take your hand and pull it closer to mine
Thought love was dead, but now you're changing my mind

Because of him, I had my first inflight wine experience. Because of him, I started liking tomato juice with salt and pepper as he is the one who recommended to drink in that way to enhance the flavor even though it is an obvious choice to drink with salt and pepper. Because of him, I came to know that seven to ten seconds is not a tiny moment but when eyes collide and want a message to be passed without talking is like as if you have paused the moment and surroundings around you. Well, he gave me a glance for that long while on his way to the galley, I gave a look like "WHAT?", but there was no response. Might have thought I'm dumb or maybe thought, not interested in him. I don't know, what that moment means but it will remain in my heart forever. Just now, I came to know that Lufthansa have a facebook page, but I won't chime for him and will not think or search to find ways to interact because I know, when the moment is passed, its gone. No good will come by chasing. As usual, people will move on with their life. So, as usual, goodbye to whoever you're. And, as usual, let the tears roll, let the hope choke and let the thirstiness for love drop dead.

lufthansa-a380Bye!! Soar away high...............leave me alone. In hard way, I learned that those glimpses and moments are just for time being...not worth to pursuit. Nothing new! But you made me feel special. You raised confidence in me. You made me alive. You made me feel happy which lasted for about two full weeks. You made me to question again and again of why -  only with some, we feel so connected even though they are strangers. What is so special about some, when you make an eye contact with them? Why do some people make such a major impact in our lives? I wish and wish wish that you too will remember me forever. Hope its not as usual one side affair. Hope that sweet talk, the inviting smile, the magical glance was something special, something which you never felt before, something which you're willing to remember forever. Oh, you're making me depressed. My past experience of somewhat similar experience loudly announced that I'm missing something in my life and now, you came and emphasized to search for someone who loves me crazily and doesn't care for anybody other than me....just me, as if that's what his world is. I'm trying to hard to remember your face. What should I call you? You're making me to observe myself in the mirror to find the answers for what you saw in me. Nowadays, I'm so into finding feminism in me. You made it clear of what I want from my life, I want someone like you who can love me forever. But God, it is just impossible. As years pass that dream to get fulfilled is just impossible and totally stupid. Why do you have to raise my hopes again when in the someone crushed it and made me look like a lunatic?

Something is so wrong with me. Why can't I have higher thoughts like having a great career or any other interest in life than chasing love. I badly want someone whom I like, to love me crazily. A warm smile and longing eyes which displays humongous interest over me like no one is around me and him. Tears are rolling from my eyes while I'm writing this. I want to feel special and be treated special. Even though, I'm growing up every year but my mind seems to want the same thing that is to be loved by someone special. What can I tell to my mom when she saw me after four years and asked what is bothering you? Aren't you happy? When J broke my heart into infinite pieces, I was trudging along my life without knowing the destination. When you came along and started showering me with your attention, I was like "really, again!", "Is it possible for someone to get attracted to me?" The moment was like, me in a battle of war, lost everything and breathing without any hope to survive and there comes someone to lend a hand to raise hopes from nowhere. But this time the warrior knows that it is a dead end, a mere support, just a mirage, an illusion which lasts only for a while.

I invested so much time emotionally towards J. Even though I went to India for a break, I'm still the same. Just updated myself with all his related websites and now, I'm wallowing again. There is just no hope for me. He moved on with his life and new girlfriend as if I never existed in his life. I wish him the best. God, just please show me something other than love in this world. I want to pursue something else. I want to have passion for something else in life. This sweet looks and nice gestures from young guys are useless for me under my circumstance. They will not take me anywhere other than feel miserable. I don't want to be in any kind of illusion anymore. What in the world can deviate my attention? When will I really grow up? What kind of books should I read to think beyond someone's affection or about matters of love. I can't go on facebook even though many friends are missing me as it makes me depressed as I feel like J and me are in same house but he wouldn't care enough to say "hi" at least. I don't feel like talking or meeting anyone. God, how long will the situation prolong? I'm really dying and killing myself and I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

And this Hindi song is ringing in my ears....oh, how I want to scream and say to my brain "WRONG TIMING!"

Oh my partner, my partner, I did not know my heart is crazy for you.
Wherever you go, coming behind you, this old lover.

How good it would be if this Lufthansa guy searches for me all around the world and finally finds me. Wish he was crazy for me. Wish he dreams about meeting me again. Wish this song comes true in my life. God, people do so many crazy things in love. Like the way I did in search of J, even though, he did not care or understood the importance.

When he finds me, I can also sing like

Oh my partner, my partner, I agree you're crazy for me.
You give me a sign, I'll leave this world and come along with you.

Oh God, I sound so filmsy but that's how I'm, even though how much I wish to differ. Sometimes on a bright day, I feel to live life in the hope of finding it one day. This is how I visualize, the happy me - the young soul of my body rises, smiling widely and leaps towards him and hugs him tightly to never let go again. My brain needs service!! Whatever it is, I felt the connection. I couldn't say bye as he was at the tail section of the plane. I might not travel again on Lufthansa as they will not be flying to Hyderabad anymore from November'11. Anyway I don't want to meet him again as maybe I just dreamed the whole thing about him getting attracted to me or maybe he was overly showing off his stewardship. Who knows?

When I read articles like How-to-Get-Lucky, makes me weep - thinking about me not finding out what he wanted when he stared at me for so long. What could I've done? I've no courage to approach or talk casually. I'm not trained up for that. The best for me is to forget about him and not to believe that someone liked me. Meeting someone and liking them is totally different from knowing and conversing with them. Who knows he might not even be the person whom I like or maybe he might feel the same. So, forget about him!!!

Sep 22nd 2011: For some reason even though after so many days passed, for the first time, I was able to visualize your every facial feature (before Leonardo Di Capri or somebody else used to over take you when I tried to visualize you), your mannerisms. Reminisced the interaction between us. Was all that action was just to flirt or were you really, at least slightly serious? I think I might recognize you if I see you again. Your face looks so familiar like as if I've seen you before and on top of that - your mannerisms were totally like we both know each other. I wish we could see each other again in this life. I wish you'll recognize me. Oh, I wish.....

In every way,
That's how you'll stay.
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am
Unforgettable, too.

Lufthansa Flight AttendantAfter three and half months, this is the sketch my memory led me to.....

To find out more of how I reached to this portrait, click here :)

I found out by sending an email to some flight attendant of whether Flight attendants can gain access to passengers information. She said its impossible. They will have information of who requested for special meals or who upgraded to higher class. That's all. No passenger's name, phone or where they are heading to. I'm somewhat relieved after knowing this as now, I know that we both are in the same boat, unknown to each other, not even name, city, origin....nothing. So there is a hope and I still can dream of you thinking about me and not able to contact me as you don't have any means to reach me, just like me..... but you know, something is bothering me and that is if I just search for that date with flight number, you can reach me, it is that easy. So, I guess, you don't...............

Fast forward to December 2012, I did his oil painting. I 100% believe that it is HIM!