Thursday, April 21, 2011

How Fit Are You?

Today I challenged myself with Oprah's Fitness-Test to check how fit I am.

First one was about how long will I take to walk a mile. According to my newly downloaded Pedometer on ITouch:


Aerobic Fitness Chart
So, based on my app, it looks like I'm average. Well, I think I did better than what the app is showing.

How to Improve:
Start logging 30 minutes of moderate aerobic activity (the equivalent of walking at a three-mile-per-hour pace) five days a week. Boost the amount of activity by 10 percent each week, and build the intensity. For instance, you might spend ten minutes alternating between fast and moderate walking.

Second is to test upper body strength by doing pushups. According to the article, I can keep my knees down on the floor....Yay! no problemo! I stopped myself at thirty even though I could have prolonged.

Aerobic Fitness Chart

How to Improve:
Begin by strength training three times a week on nonconsecutive days. Shoot for eight to 12 push-ups at first, and over time, build to two to three sets.

Third test is about flexibility. OMG! this was not easy and that too after walking fast, muscles were tight.  Need few more days to make myself more flexible.

The Test:
Place a yardstick on the floor and put a long piece of masking tape at the 15-inch mark, perpendicular to the stick. Sit with your heels on the near edge of the tape about a foot apart, with the yardstick centered between them. Slowly reach your arms forward, palms down. Release and repeat. Record your top distance.
Aerobic Fitness Chart

How to Improve:
Stretch daily. Stand with one leg extended in front of you, your heel on the floor or a low step. Hinge forward from your hips, keeping your back straight, until you feel a gentle stretch in the back of your leg. Hold for 30 seconds, and repeat two or three times on each leg. This may help with lower- back pain, which is often linked to tight hamstrings.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Best Age Gap Between Kids

Based on my experience, I feel the gap should be less than three.


Advantages:
  • I have two kids with twenty one months gap between them. Because my son was amazingly quiet and keeps his business to himself, I never felt any difficult to raise my daughter without anybody's help, but, I can't say for others as it depends on older kids.
  • Usually parents show more interest in teaching the first kid as they're enjoying all the newness the kid brings. So, having a less gap will make you do for both and enjoy simultaneously. I've noticed too many parents giving very less attention to the kids after the first one as no time, many things to juggle and already experienced so no thrill or nothing new in making the kids learn new things as we already noticed the kids reaction to things which we exposed the first one. Sadly, been there, done that scenario.
  • You don't need to find a play date as with their less gap among the kids, they always find something to play around.
  • Each one will find inspiration from each other and learn to prosper in each others  presence.
  • Will be the best buddies forever.
  • If they are learning piano, they can play duets together. It will be the awesome thing you ever hear.
Disadvantages:
  • Keeping discipline under control is a challenge as one copies from other. The moment you discipline one, the other jokes around and situation is back to chaos.
  •  When they reach college age, double expense at the same time frame.
  • All the years pass so soon with all the activities around them before you even realize that they already grew up.
  • Once they grow, both will go out to pursue their studies and leave the parents with empty nest.
  • Jealousy may develop among them as they all the time competing with each other.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Is Unknown Call an Ominous or Propitious?

Why someone makes twenty five calls regularly in last seven days that too without leaving a voice message? What do they want? Lucky that I have phone which blocks unknown phone calls or else my phone would have been buzzing like crazy.


One part of my heart says ignore but other one says it might be him, maybe calling in this way to get me on the line. I wonder, how stupid can I be to think in this way. These way of thinking is making me anxious and nervous. Making me to think that he is trying to play games with me which is causing emotional turmoil. Other part of my brain says ignore the calls....he is not stupid to call....he has life of his own.....he doesn't need to chase you.....you're not the beauty queen....if not you, they are many girls in this world whom he can date, develop friendship and fall in love and have a wonderful time. And the cherry on top information about this number is few people already complained about this number of how they harass with blank calls. I just need to wait and see for how many days these calls will continue.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Voice To Rolling In The Deep

Couldn't stop myself from singing Adele's "Rolling in the deep".

Here you go:

video

Monday, April 4, 2011

A False Hope In The Desert

I'm in the midst of reading a novel "Desires Of The Dead" by Kimberly Derting. The innocent lover affair between Violet and Jay made me think about how badly I wanted to have that kind of special relationship with someone who gives me importance and make me feel special every instant of my life. I held on to this dream until I got married as I used to see lot of Indian love movies which always show innocent deep love affairs instead of adult way of love affairs which are more inclined towards sex. During that time, I was busy in getting degree rather then falling for someone but once I got married that too an arranged marriage, my dreams took nose dive and I completely forgot about falling in love or being loved unconditionally.


But everything changed when I met J , he reminded me about my dream. It was like for someone who always want to be an athlete, a runner but circumstances made them to forget about the dream but from somewhere a person comes and tells her "Hey kid, you are good at it. You should try to be a pro." And the kid will be like "Wow! really!, someone believes in me and thinks the same way I do." That's how his gaze towards me made me realize about my dream, my belief of someone loving me and having that innocent unconditional love affair. That's when a love plant burst in the desert with full of hope and life.


I was under his love spell for so long that I totally forgot that he was a stranger. I completely started believing in him and wrote so many emotional emails and got attached to him like as if he was my life. I couldn't understand the contrast between what I assumed as him being the new life and hope of the desert and the reality which was him, hooking up with different women. Even though it was a tease from him to make me feel jealous but my whole theory was based on this new life I found in the desert was suppose of make me happy and never hurt me. But it never happened that way. Two and half years of my life, all I did was being in pain and embarrassed myself with my emotional pleas to him to be nice with me. If I think of all that, I feel like puking. Why did I allow myself to fall for such a false hope? Why did I allow him to play such emotional games with me? Why did I go through this journey, at the end, only to feel hopeless? Why didn't I just give him my contact information and let him do the rest about how to be in touch with each other rather than beg and plea?

I came across a blogger through a dating perspective blog. She was in love with a guy for seven years. But broke off with him due to some misunderstanding but on March 6th, he passed away due to drunk drive accident. Now, she regrets about her decisions, about their fights and about the choices she made. My heart cries out for her and I feel and understand her pain and realize how fragile our lives are. That's when I think about J......I just want him to be happy and successful wherever or whomever he is with. I want him to take good decisions and not get involved in alcohol or any life threatening junk.  It doesn't matter if we are not in touch with each other, all I wanted is him to be safe.  And not to follow his life on the Internet but just assume and live that he is doing well and is happy. I don't care what state of mind I was there in past three years but I think deep down I really care for him a lot. I realized that you can forgive anybody for anything, if you really love them wholeheartedly. When I close my eyes, this is what I visualize of letting him fly away freely by blowing a feather from my palm.

Justin Hayward: Sometimes Less is More:

THIS TIME I'M NOT GONNA GO SO CRAZY
I'M NOT GONNA LET IT FAZE ME
I'M BUILDING MY RESISTANCE
BOUND TO KEEP MY DISTANCE

SLOWLY, DETERMINED TO TAKE IT SLOWLY

REFUSING TO LET IT THROW ME
FEELING EVERY FEELING
STARING AT THE CEILING

AND IF IT'S REAL, A HEART WILL KNOW

ALL THE TIME
AND COME THE SPRING, IT WILL GROW
OR DIE UPON THE VINE
BUT IF IT'S LOVE, LOVE WILL COME
KNOCKING AT MY DOOR
I DO BELIEVE IT NOW
SOMETIMES LESS IS MORE

THIS TIME I'M NOT GOING TO STOKE THE FIRE

I'M NOT GOING TO WALK THE WIRE
OH HEART YOU'VE LEARNED YOUR LESSON
LOVE IS NOT OBSESSSION

EASY, I SWEAR THAT I'LL TAKE IT EASY

AND PASSION YOU WON'T DECEIVE ME
I'LL HEAR THE MUSIC PLAYING
HEAR THE SONGBIRD SAYING

AND IF IT'S REAL, A HEART WILL KNOW

ALL THE TIME
AND COME THE SPRING, IT WILL GROW
OR DIE UPON THE VINE
BUT IF IT'S LOVE, LOVE WILL COME
KNOCKING AT MY DOOR
I DO BELIEVE IT NOW
SOMETIMES LESS IS MORE

AND IF IT'S REAL, I WILL KNOW

KNOW THIS TIME
AND COME THE SPRING, IT WILL GROW
OR DIE UPON THE VINE
BUT IF IT'S LOVE, LOVE WILL COME
KNOCKING AT MY DOOR
I DO BELIEVE IT NOW
SOMETIMES LESS IS MORE

Friday, April 1, 2011

April Is The Month To Get Out Of Love Addiction

Listening to Elton John's Tiny Dancer and simultaneously writing this post, making me sob unstoppably. I heard this song in American Idol and for some reason the song got stuck in my head and making me think about him. I even checked on many sites for the meaning of the song but no luck in finding the meaning. I just wonder why not even one reporter asked Elton John,  a simple and direct question about the meaning of the song instead of everyone coming up with their own theory.

I just don't understand what's wrong with my brain. Why I'm so attached to him? Why every time it pains to go away from him? Why do I have to chase him when he doesn't even belong to me. Why I can't be care-not?

This will be a huge month for me as I'll force myself to be away from his life. Last week, I made a resolution to not to check on him anymore. At one point, I fooled myself that I removed him from my brain and totally forgot about him in an instant and thought numerous times of how I fooled myself about the pain I went through thinking that it was special kind of love or a special bond between us and I even thanked God for this instant magic of pulling him apart from my life. I even had a very good sleep too but after five days, whenever I was near the laptop, my heart started pounding and made me anxious to check on him. That's how I found a way to check on his friends list on Facebook without logging in and found all his new girlfriends' best friends in his list and that shows how close they have been. That shows that I'm out of his world. Everybody moves on but I'm stuck. No sleep from two days. Even today morning, he was in my dreams....I said something in an affectionate tone but as usual he was harsh in his reply and that has woken me up. This kind of fooling myself that I-don't-care-for-him, happened too many times whenever I feel that he interacted with me like this time how I got a private call on my cell but once the time passes and no further interaction, I'll start swooning for some kind of news from him or else I'll panic and become overly anxious and sob relentlessly and go to depression. Is it love or is it fooling around or mental illness?

Many times I thought of not to go through anxiousness and just listen to my brain and stalk him on the Internet as it is harmless but whenever I do, I'll come across new information about his girlfriend and that really puts me into dark period and makes me go through hell with being in this sad, sad situation. Either, I need to have a heart that doesn't bother with what I see and accept that he moved on and doesn't care for me or I should block myself away from him and let him live happily without any constant scrutiny from me.

I'll be crossing everyday with red if I successfully end the day without checking on him.



April 1st: Don't care attitude
April 2nd and 3rd: Angry and felt good to maintain distance
April 4th: Slightly sad about how things turned out
April 5th: Sad and reminiscing the past year events during this month of how I pleaded him to reconcile and be friends again. Of course, he got the message but replied back in an arbitrary anonymous way which led us to be here, in this state of no communication. In between slightly delirious too and want to remain in a state of belief that he is somewhere there who once-upon-a-time-liked-me and will always-like-me-even-though-we-are-apart. Going on a roller coaster of mood swings from sadness to delirious state, anything better than chasing him though.
April 6th: Realizing that even if he interacts, I'll panic and distance myself by seeing his desperation. It scares the hell out of me to face the truth.
April 7th: Hoping that he will respect me and write a friendly email at least once in his life. I guess I'll carry this hope rest of my life. I am thinking about the reason why I'm not chasing him on the internet is to keep this hope alive 'cause if I chase and see him being busy with his life then my hope will dash forever. Took some crazy pictures of myself like the way his current girlfriend poses. Couldn't help myself to check out, how I look in those sexy-look poses. Dare I say, but I look cute. Waiting for my summer trip to India...I'll be free like a bird from the internet and him.
April 8th - April 18th: Keeping myself with art work, oil painting my parents old b/w picture. In between going through lot of anger and feel very good about keeping distance. Don't feel any kind of pressure to check on him. I feel so stupid of allowing him to correspond and harass me by arbitrary messages. From now on, either direct by a call or a text or email but not through any other means. Even if I get a direct response, I'll doubt whether its really him. I reached such a stage where I don't believe anything related to him. Everything is bogus and worthless! For a young person that too for a guy to keep thinking about one person for such a long time and be loyal to her is unnatural. So just accept that he won't ever come back. If he does and if we correspond again in this life then I swear, we are special for each other and once again a belief blooms that anything is possible. But I don't think so, I'll ever speak with him. I know he'll remember me for rest of his life, 'cause I gave him the Hollywood treatment, acted and chased him like he is a popular guy 'cause of my stupid brain. Yeah, insulting but have to take the pain 'cause of my stupid brain.
April 19th - April 22nd: Still the calls from 319 area code are coming. For some reason, I was thinking about how I contacted him online anonymously and did not confirm myself for three and half months. I did not do purposefully nor I enjoyed being anonymous. I was scared to approach him directly and I was not 100% sure about his feelings towards me. I wanted to confirm indirectly whether he reminisces about the time we were in each others presence. I was so deep in pain of him getting separated from my life. I wanted to contact him badly but I was scared. Now, I feel like he punished me by never interacting with me directly when we were in touch. He showed me hell by being indirect and sending arbitrary messages. Given a chance, I would like to convey him about what I went through during that time and not in a way, I played with his emotions. I guess it is too late. Out of the bloom, this song called Anamika means anonymous from an Indian movie, burst-ed in my brain from nowhere...

Meri Bheegi Bheegi Si, Palkon Pe Reh Gayee
Jaise Mere Sapne Bikhar Ke
Just like how my dreams were shattered and left wetness on my eyelids...


Jale Man Tera Bhi, Kisi Ke Milan Ko
Tujhe Bin Jaane, Bin Pehchaane
Anamika, Tu Bhi Tarse Anonymous, may your heart also crave and feel thirsty to meet someone

Tujhe Bin Jaane Bin Pehchane
Without knowing you, recognizing you


Maine Hriday Se Lagaya
I brought you close to my heart.


Par Mere Pyar Ke Badle Men Tuune
But in return of my love you�


Mujhko Ye Din Dikhalaya
showed me these days.


Jaise Biraha Ki Ritu Maine Kati
Like how I suffered the period of separation�


Tadapake Aanhen Bhar Bhar Ke
Tormented, sighing�.


Jale Man Tera Bhi, Kisi Ke Milan Ko
Anamika, Tu Bhi Tarse
Anonymous, may your heart also crave and feel thirsty to meet someone.

Who in right frame of mind, begs for love? Sighing....self-humiliated myself. I don't understand what took over me. Where was my sense? I swear something really overtook me and left me in such a shameful state. I struggled so much to keep myself away from him but now after all that I went through, I'm settled and don't feel any urge to check on him. Where was this sense when I needed the most? It would have spared me from embarrassment which I put on myself. I feel so angry on myself for insulting myself especially when I think of the begging part. Really, Why do I need his love? Why do I need anybody's love? Who cares? Today April 22nd, when I went for a walk, the weather was so perfect, just like last year when on April 20th, I wrote an email, pleaded and mentioned about how sorry I was for being rude and mentioned the Coldplay song "Scientist". He showed his pity love towards me that too by giving arbitrary messages. Who wants pity love? Either you love or don't. I don't need your pithiness. Good riddance! I totally acted out of my character, pleading him to be once again to be friends.  But he kept on playing online games by giving ambiguous messages. If he really felt my pain and was really a true friend, he would've not hurt me the way he did. I just stopped the whole mess by unsubscribing to his twitter messages. Not responding to private calls. I'll never ever believe in him again. I'll never respond or come to his online door steps. I'm DEAD for you. The crazy person is out of your life. That's the end of so called "LOVE".What hurts me most is how I thought he was so close to me but the whole time, he kept me at distance. Trying to be friendly online and indirect way but always rude in his direct messages.  Like as if I was in some fantasy world. Why God has made me to go through this pain when nothing in the end I gained other than embarrassing myself so easily?
Apr 23rd-Apr 30th: Today's date is May 1st. Yes, I was successful in keeping the distance......very proud indeed. Finally, I showed self-discipline. Not a word from me for seven months and not even a peek on the internet for the whole April month. But today on May 1st, I feel the inclination to check on him at least in forums. But I don't want to ruin the true distance I maintained for the whole April month. If I start once again, I'll follow the trend and will be back to my old days of chasing and getting depressed by the outlook. April 22nd, the 319 area code calls ended but in one way those calls kept me alive and closer to him as indirectly my brain urged me to believe that its him and which in its own way, gave me a strength to keep the distance. The last few days, I was thinking about why he couldn't talk directly ever with me and I strongly feel, it is due to lack of confidence on himself. He just didn't want to get caught of showing emotions or desperate interest due to pride. Well, if you have immense love for someone, it will break all the worlds barriers and I believe so truly in that concept. Look at the royal couples, Will have to finally put an end to his doubts, ego, pride, fear whatever and finally asks her to marry him and that's my friend, is true love. It pushes you to come out of your shell and gives you strength to express your inner feelings with pride. You no longer will feel shame to express. And if J ever had any feelings towards me, the same strength will force him to contact me. Til then Ciao my friend!!

I'll never harass myself by following him. It raises my heart beat, anxiousness shoots up and the emotions which I go through takes me to sad state. Almost like killing myself! Never again! I don't need his love or anything related to him.