Tuesday, March 22, 2011

My Life Was Almost Like A LMN Movie

After watching the movie "He Loves Me" on LMN, I am speechless and doubting myself whether the struggle which I went through for a guy for two and half years is real or something which I made up in my head. Oh how I wish, he could confirm. Just like the movie, there is no real base for me to say that we communicated with each other for two and half years after he quit the place where we met.

Either he watched a lot of LMN movies with his Ex or there is no truth to what I saw about the way he communicated. We spoke twice on the phone and in both cases, the calls were based on him breaking up and letting me know that he is not interested. All his twitter, facebook messages or calls were all arbitrary and anonymous.  I cut off my communication with him because nothing looked real for me. I doubted myself so many times whether anything is true. If I think about it, I feel sad. I opened up and shown my vulnerabilities and expressed my every thought in my emails to him. I am so embarrassed.

God, if I made up the whole thing then something is totally wrong with me. That was the reason, I decided on September 23rd 2010 when I did not receive any call after I told him to call on so and so date and time but nothing happened and that's when I made a firm decision if anything is true, if he had any affection for me or thinks I'm worth to take risk of communicating directly like the way ordinary people do, then he'll make it happen. Months passed and as usual I thought due to being mentally sick or reality but he communicated with me indirectly. But if I recollect past events, he sent me one and only one message of him being tired and wanted me to stop sending messages after I sent a nasty email about asking him about the motive behind anonymous interaction. If he wanted, he could have made all his social networking sties private and not wait until I told him to do so. If I made the whole thing, why will he wait to reply or send a text message after more than an year of me sending countless emails and text messages. So, that's the only reasonable answer I can find to declare myself that I was not insane. Coming to conclusion of breaking up with him itself proves that I'm not mentally sick. But I do follow him still on the internet and make up my own stories if something happens but sometimes I can't make any sort of story as it looks ridiculous.

Only God and he knows, what's the truth............til he says something, everything will always look like fictitious.

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