Monday, March 14, 2011

I'm Not Far Away From You

Even though countless times, determined myself of not to be an internet ghost, I failed miserably. I just have to accept it and move on that I'm stupid.



And I fall under those people, who are chasing something which doesn't belong to them. Feel so awful but I don't learn any damn lesson. I just have to accept that I can't hate him and as I promised to him that I'll be in-touch with him from far will apparently be true. I keep on thinking day and night and try to analyze the story behind each Facebook profile picture. Ahh...how I hate myself? The more I decline or run away from the truth, the difficult its becoming to breathe. I know, I should not have any feelings or thoughts for him but the truth is I have. Even though, everything about him is not ideal to my life and to my circumstances, for some damn reasons, the feelings got infuriated and once the heart is given and I've to accept that inspite to me trying to runaway, I can't take my heart back. I have to accept that I'll be the Internet and Facebook ghost. Even though, my heart might get broken into thousand pieces when I see him with someone, I can't run away. I ran away too many times, deleted too many things related to him, I came back strong again and again and created the same things which I deleted. I'm so ashamed and feel like puking on myself but I've to accept who I am. I've to accept that I am unbelievably loyal to people whom I give my heart and soul. And I go to any length to forgive them. I may not talk or interact with them but they will always hold a place in my heart. Right now, feeling very dejected about myself, but I've to accept that he will be a part of me for the rest of my life. I've to make myself strong to go through whatever he throws at me. I've to accept that even though I'm nothing to him, I can't back off from him after believing in him once upon a time.

Only time will decide on where my craziness will lead me to............
seasons come and seasons go, 
leaves fall or flowers bloom, 
happy, memorable moments come and go,
holidays come and holidays go, 
months and years pass and go, 
your girlfriends come and girlfriends go......
I may run away and be determined to never come back 
but don't believe in any of those as I'll be there like a ghost to watch and think about you 
and make you part of my life even though none of us desire. 
Remember I'm not far away from you, 
you are in every young man I come across, 
you are there in every young couple, 
you are there in every sports game I watch, 
you are there in every twitter message I come across and every time when I check my mail box, 
you are there whenever I see quacking ducks, 
you are there whenever I see water activities, 
you are there whenever I see mini trucks especially Nissan Titan, 
you are there in every romantic movie I watch, 
you are there in my skin and bones, 
you are there in every broken dream, 
you are there in my happiness and even in my sadness...
sometimes in comfortness and sometimes as a pain..........
but you are there in every part of my life even though I don't want you to be there.

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