Thursday, December 29, 2011

Why I'll Pop Twelve Grapes on New Year's Eve at Midnight?

Many Spaniards will pop 12 grapes into their mouths at midnight — one with each chime of the clock. Each grape represents a wish for happiness and luck for every month in the coming year.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

My Take on Steve Jobs

I'm currently in the midst of Steve Job's Biography. I totally love this book and kind of feeling emotional while going through his life journey. Wish I could make my son read this book but I cannot as the book reveals in certain sections the dark side of Steve Jobs. As an adult, I can understand that in this long stretched live and learn life, you sometimes go through dark period which you want to completely erase, but nonetheless, it will become part of your life's history and at the end, you can alter it by doing something amazing and make people see the goodness when they think about you.



The difference between rest of the world and Steve Jobs is about the passion which he carried all throughout his life. Everybody has some or the other kind of passion for something but we lose due to things not happening as we wished it to be and we give up but he like a crazy man believed that he can cause a dent in the universe. I strongly believe he too might have lost the drive in between due to love or family or disorientation but he created an army who believed in what he believed in and that's what fulfilled his desire of causing a dent in the universe.



One more thing wonders me is, even though, from the beginning, he created wonderful but controlled products by not letting owners/geeks to take unsolicited advantage of fabricating the Apple devices, he still made people to fall in love and buy his products. And not only that, but developers all over the world welcomed it by writing some unique and outstanding apps which changed our way of living. In this era, where you always can find something to suit your desires and not to make yourself stop to one company's product, still Apple succeeded by its unique, innovative simple-to-look-but-can-do-amazing-things kind of devices. I strongly feel that Android is for people who don't like to be controlled and who has some rebellious attitude in them and want to do things their own way by breaking or writing their own code whereas Apple is for masses who just love to use a pre-built product which makes them look cool and to use these immense apps collection which can make their life easy and breezy without putting much effort or thought.



I skipped few pages, to just to see how the author ended the book. As expected, it ended with Steve Jobs thoughts on death. One particular sentence made me emotional is when he said that life maybe like on and off switch and maybe that was reason why he did not ever used on-off switches on Apple's devices.



As far as I know, his life would've gone either way but luckily God has chosen him to be something extraordinary and made us believe that things can really happen when you're totally, totally crazy over something which you believe in. One additional thing, I learned is to switch off the negative/unwanted/dreamsqueezer stuff - Disorientation from reality. Well, it helped him to be productive even though caused mental anguish to others but finally whoever involved in making those devices are proud of being a part of it. Even though, he passed away, his imprints are everywhere.......... what else you want more than that from this long stretching life. At the end, he made his birth/life meaningful and that kind of life is worth to live. I'm still inquisitive to know the purpose of my life. I want to know why I'm still here.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Twitter Life

Discovering about TWITTER:



  • People just want to auditorily and visually perceive postitive stuff about them. Anything negative criticism, better you keep to yourselves.

  • You can easily use bad language and insult others but just throw those kind of tweets to general public....without referencing anybody's name - Remember rule no.1

  • Follow anybody and expect them to follow you back. Some do as a random goodness.

  • Tweet less with strangers and if you still want to reply to their tweets, remember rule no. 1...no room for criticism.


  • Ofcourse, you can reply/criticize celebrities as anyway they don't read all the comments.


  • Good place to get all kinds of news.


  • Remember only comedians can insult others or pass a negative comment and still can get away, but not you, COMMON FOLKS.

Well, now my problems are I don't like to follow anybody or everybody. I prefer celebrities whom I like and respect their work, newschannels which gives you lot of information and keeps you up to date with current affairs, computer related or something which ameliorates and gives me room to grow, positive quotes to become a better person, inspirational quotes to get inspires and finally ordinary people like straight stewards as I want to know about their life.


The problem with me is I just too straight forward talker or maybe haing loose tongue. I don't know how to put honey in every tweet/talk. Its not my cup of tea to think before you talk. Of course, I'm sensitive but the problem with me is I'll be reserved at the beginning but once I see a friendship developing, I just become "me" and communicate whatever I feel and that communication can go either way positve or negative. I just say what I see.


Based on my interests, I started following few commeners. Even though, they follow me based on no.3-random goodness, they don't ever bother to reply to my any tweets or views. I ask what's the use of following someone when you have to keep your opinions to yourselves. For me, its really blessing if no one follows me as I want to tweet whatever comes to my mind and not bother about someone criticizing about my tweet/thought. If someone follows, I really expect them to spill out their thoughts(good ones). Wow! look at my hypocracy, I want positive replies but I expect someone to take my negative dialogues. But negative replies are more of a tease...I've this bad habit of teasing or making fun just to lighten up the situation...I may think that I joked but as usual the receiver never gets my joke. Sometimes, I feel like shutting my mouth caz I always somehow come across as a jerk who killed the good mood by trying to be funny. I remember J's words: You are continuing with your outlandish comments as if you know me.




Damn! I did it again.


From over a month, I started following a steward on Twitter. Very nice guy, writes openly about everything in his blog about his life/thoughts/positve-negative stuff about his job. Once he tweeted about how his car is making him spend money and then I replied by making him follow an article about how a guy took take care of his car which finally made him to get special Honda parade on the mark of his car, crossing a million mark. After reading that article, he replied in a amicable way saying that no way his car going to make it. To and fro, his tweets and my replies happened, in between asusual, I came across as a person who makes the other person feel morose - eg: when he tweeted about his rough day caz of crashpad...I researched on crash pads and replied to him saying "just now read an article on crash pads. Never thought so much goes on behind the scenes. Hard life indeed.


Remember No.1 from my list, say positive, if you say anything negative, people don't feel comfortable. Of course, as expected, he did not reply and asusual, it started bothering me and I was like God, why I do awful things...why can't I say positive, why can't I make cheerful happy comments which makes everybody feel good about themselves.


Anyway, he wrote in his blog about even though from time to time Flight Attendants face difficulties but Flight Attendants life has some positive attributes like going to international games, visiting beautiful places, meeting new people... that too on layovers and at the same time getting perdiems.


Well I tweeted back by saying "I guess I tweeted too soon about FAs having "hard life" without thinking about the perks. You genuinely know how to enjoy life." And then he replied back by saying you've to remember once you deplane, all your problems are gone - new life, new place, new you.


Once when he tweeted about how he has to be in a U.K. during Thanksgiving time where no one cares about it. As usual, without thinking, I replied to his tweet by saying "Aww, you miss TG and Xmas too. On +ve side, you might get a chance to stand under mistletoe in a diff ctry w newFoundLove;)"


The problem with this tweet is it gives you a hope/unfulfilled desire which finally leads you to melancholy. But he DM-ed me by asking about what's my story with steward I'm searching. For which I replied: mailto:NoPokerFaceStew+Love@FirstSight+TriedForConv+SignalToCome&Speak+GirlDidnotRespond+NowDesperateToTraceHim=GreatestDramaEver


Recently, he shared his facebook page which showed his awesome picture collection from all over the world depicting his journey to different parts of the world. I replied to his tweet by saying, "Serious photography, awesome collection...using resources pretty well. Freaky profile pic, quite opp to desc."


As usual, I did not feel good after my replied. I was like why do you have to criticize, it is their profile, they can do whatever they want to...who are you to pass your judgement...when will you ever learn a lesson.


But luckily, he took in a positive way and even started following me. I was like: Please don't follow me and judge me based on my tweets/interactions. Things went pretty well by me giving suggestions about how the old profile picture stood out due to its sepia color...he acknowledged and said that he is being lazy and not using apps to downsize the file size to use an appropriate profile picture.


Yesterday, he tweeted saying that seriously, no one should tweet interesting topics as he has to accomplish something and for which, in funny way I replied by saying "Can't take seriously with that profile pic...uh-huh! can't"


Remember if anything negative, people DON'T RESPOND!! Seriously, his current profile picture is the silliest picture, almost like a clown and I, as usual, when I see progress in communication, I take a huge leap and talk whatever comes to my mind and people DON'T LIKE IT!!


I just hate when I repeat the same mistakes again and again. But this is who I am, I guess - IDIOT who never learns a lesson. I goof around and just say, whatever the hell I want to and then feel bad thinking about the way I came across. I've no right to say anything negative to anybody but I keep on forgetting and poke my nose in others business. I sometimes feel like hanging huge boards everywhere wherever I walk, reminding me of "BE POSITIVE", "SAY POSITIVE OR JUST SHUTUP" I've to drill these mantras. But then my brain is saying, can't I have fun, teasing others............No, YOU CAN'T!!! Do they know you or do you know them? Haven't you ever heard: "GIVE RESPECT TO GET RESPECT".


I just don't know where to draw a line of being funny and friendly. I better not tweet to commoners. Just comment anything(not vulgar or insulting) to celebrities, you won't have to feel bad if they don't reply caz they can't(Just too many followers) or you don't have to think whether you upset any poor soul.


I've issues understanding people. ALWAYS BE POLITE!! DON'T JOKE AROUND!! NO ONE CARES FOR YOUR JOKES AND THEY AREN'T EVEN FUNNNNNNNNNNNNY!! MAINTAIN DISTANCE WITH STRANGERS!!! UGH!!! I FEEL TERRIBLE!!!


Who knows, it might be all in my head. Sometimes I'm trepidacious to create bond with someone other than my family but sometimes I want to have real friends with whom I can discuss and say anything I want to. Developing a friendship with the twitter steward, petrified me - who knows where it leads to or what kind of hopes/desires he is withholding, all I want is friendship and someone to like me. When he converses with others on twitter, I feel comfortable thinking it is just not me but he is bonding with others too and that's good.


Anyway, that's what going on in my life. I'll be cautious in communicating with others. I'll not give a chance for him to block/unfollow me. That will really hurt. When you make a remark, you need to think of person's state of mind and their life for which you've to know more about the person. Whenever I think of my comment, the way it can be delivered puts a smile on my face but it can turn offensive too, if you don't know the person. This case I don't know much about him for even to comment such a way. He is alone/single/slightly-getting-bald/might-be-frustrated-with-his-life/no-family....and my comments will totally evoke the strom. Why the hell he needs to go through that too from some stranger? So, I should just shut up and just follow him to know stewards lifes.


I wanted to send an email to Lufthansa Flight Attendant(helper) about my latest revelation - the look alike. But, then I don't want to, what's the use....I, anyway, spoil every relationship with the way I deal with people. Always something WRONG!! FRUSTRATING!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

SPANIARD!!!!

I can't believe my eyes, I finally found someone who looks totally like him. I was searching from longtime on TV or in any movie, to find some celebrity who resembles him so that I can always remember his face.The other day, I was browsing channels on TV and suddenly I felt like seeing Ice skating as during this time of the year, with Christmas lights, wintery weather, snowy white lands, scarves, boots; ice skating makes you feel like falling in love all over again and just glide on the ice along with the flowing music.

And suddenly.........drum-roll please!!!



Canadian Ice Skating Grand Prix 2011:




Younger version of him, I guess:

Javier Fernandez
The whole time, I was like maybe he is a German and then the way he did not have any accent and was speaking fluent English, I thought he might be an American but working for a German airline. I visualized meeting him somewhere in some cafe or in some restaurant in some American city but now....ugh!!


 Javier looks more like a kid, but my steward was mature, decent and displayed higher standards as he is a steward so naturally interpersonal skills were little towards higher side. Seeing Javier gives me a notion of as if he is acting like Javier, an ice skater, in some movie by changing his face slightly to make himself look like an immature young lad.

I really really feel like I know him. Some surreal feeling whenever I think about him. Divine or what, I don't know, but the Flight Attendant who wanted to help me is also a Spaniard. And recently, I even brought a book from library about Ralph Nadal, who is also SPANIARD. What's happening..........wandering all over and at the end when the dots get connected, I may reach him.



Nothing is impossible, right? I want him to find me and recognize me and keep the same delighted-to-see-your face then I can finally feel that I got what I wanted all through my life. From no where, suddenly Stevie Wonder's song "Isn't she lovely" song playing in my head. My brain knows what and when to play...........

Friday, December 2, 2011

Found Love In A Hopeless Place

Hopeless Place
Last Tuesday, I went to see this movie "Like Crazy". By the time movie ended, I was speechlessly emotional. It just reminded me of if things were different in my life, I would have had same kind of love in my life with the Flight Attendant. I would have just dwelled myself in that kind of love with him 24/7/365 and I feel, he too might have been same. Based on what I know about myself, like the way I believe in LOVE, like the way I believe in someone, I could have just slipped in to this movie character. During their first few meetings, there were unspoken communication but still understood by each other, only through eyes - you try to pass some kind of message about inner feelings. I really like that. It really happens, when you've some unexplainable feelings...during that time only eyes can speak. I just love love innocent love which is not based on sex or lust but pure love to be with that special person.

What makes me lose heart and feel gloomy is, the way movie shows about these two characters having this unconditional, emotional love and finally like the way it usually happens and of course based on my experience of how I reached to the conclusion that this unspeakable love for someone exists forever but somehow cannot come out or cannot be talked anymore as some things or rifts which happen overtakes the love and by which these two people will not express truly their angst even though true love and longing exist. The movie proves that the love journey is great at the beginning-phase, you chase and feel miserable till you get it but once you get it, expectations overtake love, the pain overtakes indescribable love. "Love" becomes so crazy that jealousness overtakes your thinking, you become obsessed about the person that any time if there is a bit of difference in communication, you feel the racing of the heart, the anxiety, too much unexplainable emotions. Painful to go through emotions of being in love and face disappointments/uncertainties. Even if everything is alright, the distance magnifies the minor mistakes into a huge glacier.

At one instance after six months of separation, when the girl receives a great career news, she wanted to let him know. She texts him about the news and even sends him a message saying "I miss you", and even though he misses her and types the message, but quickly changes his mind of not sending. OMG! at that time, my heart cringed. I forced myself out to not-to-cry, otherwise, I would have had literally cried in the theater. At the end of the movie, even though they meet, there was sadness all over. The great joy of getting together was not there. Both have to picture their beginning moments of their love journey to feel how much they loved each other, how they have outgrown from their innocent, unstoppable, indescribable love and longing for each other and how much they have changed.

I suppress my feelings as I've no way to go but if I let myself out, I can become crazy with overbearing feelings for the Flight Attendant. I don't know whether it is love or the feeling of being in love or I see the promise of unconditional 24/7/365 love of just being involved in each other without worrying about career or people or whatever. When I think of the moments I had with him, the way he looked at me, the way his face lit up, the way he tried to have a conversation over tomato juice, the way he gave me a sign to come and talk over makes me miss him so much. I want to have those moments. I want to see him. I like the idea of me and him being together, just love about being with each other.






Like Crazy
Now days, I keep on drawing these male and female faces, facing each other and looking at each other with longing eyes. Tears fill my eyes when I think about him and want to meet him again but at the same time, my other part of brain says - what’s the use? That's it; my tears will go back to its place. He is right here in my brain and sometimes, I see him so crystal clear but he keeps on playing the same scenarios instead of playing something new.






Katy Perry's song "The One That Got Away" plays over and over in my head. Tears fill my eyes, sinking feeling, heart feels heavy, chest starts paining....like as if a sudden drop on a roller coaster ride.





In another life, I would be your girl
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life, I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away






Sometimes Christina Perri's Thousand years lyrics keep hittin' repeat-peat-peat-peat- peat





And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought Your heart to me
I have loved you for a Thousand years


The other day, I dressed up pretty well and went for shopping, looking
around to see if I can have the same kind of scenario with someone, if I can feel some kind of connection with someone but do you know, what I figured out that even though you dress up well and look pretty, you cannot make somethings happen. And that's when I realized that such special feelings arise only with some special people. That kind of unexplaniable unspoken understanding happens only with few. And that's what makes them memorable. It proved that he was not into me because I looked pretty, it was because, he felt the connection, the divine intervention. I can fool around myself by hearing such songs but I made up my mind of not to make myself look like an idiot again and believe in something which I don't want to believe anymore. I'll dig and bury my wishes and dreams and will look forward to that day when I meet him again one more time to see his face lit up to see me again. And that's when I'll believe that we were SPECIAL! And June 7th was indeed, a special day.


This is what I do while taking bath - drawing faces. Don't know why, he kind of looks sad though. One more thing, I observed is our pupils indirectly talk or express out state of mind. According to this article, Scientists have actually studied how the way we feel about the things we see affects the size of our pupils. You can gain some insight as to how someone feels about you by observing changes in their pupils, and you can also affect the way someone feels about you by changing the size of your pupils! So whether you want to stare down an enemy or make someone fall in love with you, its upto us. Believe me, when I say, I saw his lit up when he saw me. And that's why I'm so sure of his feelings, his thoughts. The same look keeps on coming whenever I think of him. I've noticed myself in the mirror, when I'm really happy, my eyes look beautiful, suddenly live and expresses about my happy state of mind and enhances my beauty and spreads joy.

Even though, I got a positive enthusiastic email from the Flight Attendant who was helping me to find him, this is what I replied to her.


**********************


Well I learned to be patient and trusted that you'll reply back because you sounded genuine. I really appreciate, you taking time by emailing me that too in flamboyant style, showing off your vibrant character, positive thinking and zest for living. I wonder if I have not known you as a Flight Attendant, would I've guessed who you are from your email. Well, I don't know. But you truly come across as a true Flight Attendant - Positive, helpful and content with life.
I like the way you use emoticons to truly represent your mood and helps you to come across as a friendly person when especially in emails when you cannot see the expressions and cannot hear the tone. Wish emoticons can be used in formal letters too.


Unfortunately, last week was the worst week I ever faced because of the way I came across in my email to someone. Even though I had positive thoughts and merely was suggesting, I came across as overbearing.



People look beautiful and friendly with the way they talk and present themselves. Even though people may say - I'm open to suggestions, it is not quite true. Any advice can be taken as interference. Things look beautiful when they're away from you but once you come closer, you'll start seeing the cracks.


Recent incidents making to have second thoughts about the Flight Attendant whom I met. For some reason or the other, eventually people find faults in others and in that way, lose precious moments once they had. I had a beautiful moment with the FA, precious indeed. He made me feel special. I still remember how his face lit up, totally expressing how delighted he was to see me. Of course that's what Flight Attendant's job is to make you feel like you're welcome . But this was totally different as I've examined and studied, each and every one in my to and fro journey. By trying to find him and to chase the truth, I may jeopardize the positive feelings he filled me up with. I don't want it to happen that way. When you feel like the whole world hates you, at least you want to think of someone who likes you. I want him virtually to be there as a friend who likes me. We both instantly liked each other and acted out or felt like we both know each other from long time. But that's how every missed connection story goes on ... once you read it on the internet....so can't totally rely on that feeling. I seem to find closer and closer to him even though days and months pass. Recently, my subconscious brain informed me that his name is Marc/Mark Junior ... and he is a medical student from a well-respected family and has high aspirations of helping poor people. CLASSIC! Even though, I've good thoughts about him, I strongly feel not to search for him anymore. Recent incident alerted me to be realistic.
Unless you go by internal means, it is difficult to get in touch with him, just based on my sketch. If we're destined to meet like the way it happened on June 7th then we will surely meet again some day, some where. I want to hold on to that belief.


Whatever you said about Indian women is right but when something I strongly believe in, I try to pursue and get to know the answers. Honestly, I stopped using Facebook as I don't like my comments to be displayed on the internet and then being labeled by people based on my comments. Once my friend took undue advantage by sending me unwanted emails based on my status messages.


I'm happy for you for having a special person in your life. Congrats and best wishes in your new business adventure. I'm sorry but right now, I'm not interested to buy any of those products.
Thank you for your understanding, support and your strong belief on LOVE. Your romantic story sounds wonderful. Nice of him to share his email id for whatever the reason may be but made both of you to be in touch with each other.


Have a nice day!!



**********************


Until unless, you dig deep into "Like Crazy" movie characters, you'll never understand the

beauty of this movie. It is just my kind of movie. I exactly know, the characters feelings because I've been there. Almost all in this universe, might have dreamed of having an extraordinary career in their life but I always dreamed about having love like the way the movie showed. I know for sure that me and the flight attendant would have had same kind of love under different circumstances. The whole time, while I was watching I visualized him and missed him and felt the same kind of longing like the way two love birds feel for each other.


It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny
But I've gotta let it go
We found love in a hopeless place
We found love in a hopeless place



P.S. The true love experience can be felt, only when a guy is in his early twenties. He doesn't mind to just let his feelings slip off. He doesn't mind to take any kind of action to reach his dream girl without pride or ego. And same goes with girls, they fall for someone special who treats them like they are special. No age bar when it comes to head-over-heels feelings, if the girl is immature - I don't know about whom we are talking here.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Life Sucks!!

Life sucks! Now a days, too many times, this is what I'm thinking...why the hell I'm living? What's the purpose of living? Why everybody is living, going through terrible pains and still pulling themselves in a belief of something good happens along the way. Why do we have to wait? Why this endless unpredictable waiting, just for an elusive state of mind called happiness. Everybody says life is too short to live, enjoy every moment of it, but I don't feel that way...life is too long for me.

Life Sucks

Presently, I'm following few flight attendants on Twitter. Their life really sucks. Of course, there are perks like traveling all around the world but they have to do alone and when they come back or on off duty, they have no one to share their stories with other than relying on online friends by blogging or tweeting. They are awake when rest of world around them are sleeping. The guy whom I follow, tweets all night long, cooks for himself when is on off duty...rest of the days spends in hotels, eating outside, hitting bars...without social networking sites, his life totally sucks, without having a permanent home with family members who are looking forward to hear his adventures. Everything loses its charm after certain while...think about anything in life....the thrill goes off after a while.

Whom am I to talk anyway. Even though I have a family, I feel lonely. I, all the time check for interesting tweets or blog posts or search for something interesting to comment. Why people are not happy with what they have? Even though, today is Saturday and already noon, my husband is still sleeping and not willing to wake up as he is upset over last nights argument. Even if he was awake, he would have watched some sports or would have surfed internet. Life totally sucks!! I don't really feel comfortable to talk to strangers, maybe I'm afraid of bonding. I've response to every tweet the Flight Attendant whom I'm following on twitter, but I don't tweet back. I don't know why I'm scared to drift away and have a private online life, because I think, deep down in my heart, I feel pity for everybody...I feel life sucks for everybody...I feel no one is happy...everybody puts a facade of everything is just perfect. I'm becoming too negative.

Whenever I hear a beautiful melodious music, spark of hopefulness blooms but the same time, it dies off. Why do people get married? How did this marriage rule evolved in humans? We are one of a kind animal who can think and that's what made us unique and differentiated us from animals. Animals have physical relationship with whoever comes along in their pathway and I guess, they won't even remember if they break off, but we humans have feelings, emotions, consciousness which makes us to wrap ourselves with relationships. I bet some king imposed rule on everybody about getting married to one and only one person and live the rest of the life until death do apart. Sometimes I think we tie ourselves with all kinds of relationships and even though no room to breathe, we suffer through but still prolong with whatever we have in anticipation of something good will come. People who are unmarried and single too suffer, that is some other kind of miserable life, living everyday in anticipation of prince charm, family life, kids, beautiful house...blah blah.

The whole world is miserable. No one is happy. If they are happy right now, good luck as that won't last longer, misery comes back running. And then story begins....LIFE SUCKS!!!

I just don't see anything in near future for me live life day by day.....its awfully long. That's why everybody should've some destination to reach, something to look forward to, something which will definitely lead to guaranteed everlasting happiness if you just keep on rowing your life boat to reach that wonderland. God, please guide me to something which makes me live life in anticipation of reaching that something which I love to death.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Totally Absurd!!

At this moment, I'm melancholy about the things which happened on Friday. I know the reason why kids music did not go to higher level. Its because of me. The email which I sent to my sons teacher regarding science fair, have been purposely magnified to portray that I'm some kind of obsessed/crazy person who wanted to be competitive in every fun event the school is involved in.

It all started when I told my daughter to pick up an old math test paper from a boy who was in higher grade. My son who got qualified for Math competition on his own merits was in math practice class. My daughter took permission to get those papers and when she returned, the teacher asked what are those papers and she honestly told what it was.

After I picked up kids and when I reached home, my phone rang and it was none other than the principal of the school. She started talking about the old math paper and about how the system got breached by me having access to that paper and how seriously she is thinking of not allowing my son to compete in the competition. I had to explain her about what I heard from the other parent about how some kids who are having older siblings, have access to old test papers and how serious they were about the competition and how she had so many questions about the competition. Then I told them that I did not have any knowledge as there was nil information about the whole competition. I did not bother to dwell on it as I was busy with other things in my life and I was confident about my sons ability. But three days before the competition, I wanted to give assurance to myself that my son knows each and every topic, covered in the competition. So, I called the other parent for the old test paper so that I can have understanding about what kind of questions, how tough it is and whether my son lacks in any area. I asked the principal, how is it wrong to see some old mock test papers when that is not the real test paper for Saturday's competition. How is it not wrong if a kid who got siblings can see and still be able to participate in the competition? She blamed me that I'm playing with the system and spoiling the fun for kids by training my son and giving him undue advantage over others and in this way, taking away the spirit of the competition. She said, she will discuss with higher authorities and will let me know whether he will be ejected out. I told her that my son is not involved in this in anyway. Later, she asked about the email which I sent to my son's teacher regarding how to use science fair work which is done by kids as a learning opportunity rather than just make them go through the process and not even spend, enough time to discuss in the class. In that email, I shared my disappointment of how they did not use the opportunity and requested her, this time to discuss about every project - the difficulties, the learning experience and the unanswered questions. I asked her if she cannot find time due to too many things to work on, she can just allocate some time for kids to discuss with their classmates about their experience and in that way, many beautiful thoughts which are holding up in their tiny brains will surface out and will lead to curiosity and inclination to learn more.

*******************************
A personal request to you about science fair project. At the end of the science fair
project, I would like to request you to spend some time discussing each and every child's
project, in that way they can learn and appreciate others work and at the same time learn
valuable science lessons. Last year, I was so disappointed that no one gave an opportunity
for kids to go through others work and discuss about every project - the results,
the reasons, the doubts and the issues which they faced.

I understand about you having a lot of work, too less time to achieve too many things
but just give kids an opportunity to discuss. You never know what brilliant ideas each
kid is holding up in their tiny brains.
*******************************

The principal started saying over the phone that how I insulted the other teacher by talking about her teaching methodology. She said that her school/system doesn't work in the way. So, I kindly asked them to excuse me as I did not mean to insult or put her down.

Anyway, after the phone call, I sent email to teachers to apologize and requested them not to take it personally and informed them about my availability if they want to talk about this matter further. Again my phone rang, this time the principal informed me about the meeting with Math competition directors, which I had to attend to sort out whether my kid will participate in the upcoming Math competition or not.

I had lengthy discussion about how foolish the whole thing looks. Borrowing an old test paper is objectionable, I never heard that before. Do you know, even NFL uses old tapes to make their guys aware of their opponents and let them know what they are up against? From time to time, students always relied on old material to learn and correct their short comings. The whole thing started looking fishy to me. I was okay if they did not allow him as this was not the first time, injustice has done to him. There are the ones who allowed him to attend higher grade math class from kindergarten to first grade but beginning of second grade, they decided not do that anymore so even though he always got 100's in his math, he repeated the 2nd grade math. She did not have decency to talk with parents and say sorry for not able to provide that kind of feature anymore. I did not make any issue. I just let it go.

Anyway, the meeting happened with four teachers and the principal and no director(I guess, it was a lie) but the whole thing was so weird. From the beginning, they started attacking me, even though I went along with my husband. One teacher was nice by showing me how to keep my son busy by teaching him higher grade math and science activities rather than waste his time by making him prepare for some just-for-fun related Math Competition. One teacher indirectly warned me that next year, they may not give my son a chance to participate in the competition as they want to give the opportunity to someone else. But do you know, you need to solve the questions within the time frame and he earned it by scoring highest and by being accurate. And I know it doesn't work like the way she was saying about giving opportunity to others but works based on how good you do to qualify to be in the team. My husband told them about how in India, parents try to resolve among themselves instead of going to principal for every minor to major issue. Then she told him that for any issue, we have to approach the teacher and if the issue is not resolved then contact the principal. My husband told about only for curiosity sake she(me) tried to get access to the paper not to train him in anyway and if at all, we had that intention we would have done long time ago. He said that his son is involved in piano and sports not just academics. The principal takes control by raising her voice asking what kind of sport, where....showing totally disrespect and displaying her doubts on what we are saying. When I tried to tell about what I heard from the other parent, she again barges in and interrupts my sentence by saying sarcastically...oh yeah, yeah...I heard a different story.....I was like what I'm saying you is a story, so, I ask her what do you mean by different story and she says....we came here to talk about the competition so let us talk about it. Really, how dare she is to portray me as a liar and walk over the surface and make a statement and not clear up in front of other teachers. Most humiliating moment of my life....but read further to know how she insulted me...

She gets the topic about my email. The teacher to whom I sent the email takes over and says that she did not like the way I was mentioned about other teachers work, so she approached the other teacher...and that teacher felt like she got insulted and felt uncomfortable and that made this teacher uncomfortable and that made her not to reply to my email.

Later the principal acts with me like as if I'm kid or like as if I'm a moron/illiterate/brute asks me to say it back of what I should do if I have any concerns or issues with any teacher. Of course, without being arrogant I said that I've to contact the teacher first and then if it is not resolved I need to approach her.

She did not stop her humiliation right then and there....but you know something so insulting which causes unbearable cheat pain whenever I think of. She said everybody is uncomfortable with me, right in front of other teachers whom I met for the first time. When I asked her who is uncomfortable.... she said, all of us are uncomfortable with you......She did not stop there. Threatened me not to talk with anybody or circulate emails about this issue and believe it or not, even said, not to blog about it.

I was so upset that my husband did not help me out. Did not feel a pinch when someone is humiliating right in front of him. I was like one against all. No one to ask her to apologize or to tell to take her words back. She is really a bully. I never thought that I'll be the victim of bullying. She really had pleasure by treating me like I'm piece of crap. What do they know about me to say "Uncomfortable"? Just my one email, can they perceive someone as uncomfortable. It has been three years and I never faced any complaint from any teacher, my record was clean so how can she be so rude...Why is she treating me like I'm a bad person. Just totally hard to digest...no one to provide answers.

I wanted to send email to her and rest of the teachers that how can she insult me like that. If I did wrong, why not give warning or something, instead of acting out like I did something awful.
Why to humiliate me in front of others? Why couldn't she tell me in a nice way about how school works and what she expects from parents? I wanted to inform about when I used the word "disappointment", it was nothing related to the ex-teacher as I was under assumption that the curriculum was laid out in such a way that it doesn't make it necessary for teachers to go in depth about each and every project but just kids have to merely participate in the whole process. That was the reason, I was requesting or merely suggesting to please time to go through each and every project.

But my husband somehow convinced me not to send email but just allow the time to heal. She will somehow repent one day for bullying and misusing her authority. This experience makes me clap for people who raise their voice and go up against all odds and fight for the right cause. Really speaks volume about their courage. This experience made me realize that I can easily be bullied and I've no courage to fight back.....totally coward person. I allowed myself to humiliate and did not raise my voice to make her stop.

Well, anyway after two days, I went to my American mom that's how she likes to call herself. I showed her whether the lyrics of my son's song was objectionable or my email. She said that my email was overbearing. Using words like "each and every child", "doubt" and "disappointment" were wrong. "Each and Ever child" usually used by Pope or someone who is in higher authority, Doubt should be replaced by 'questions' and instead of disappointment, use concern....

Anyway, something unknowingly I did wrong and for that to humiliate me in such a way is kind of shocking. It hurts if someone dislikes you. Wish they could have given me time to explain myself out rather than treat me like a crap.

I learned one thing, when someone says you are welcome to suggest. Its totally BS. I sent email to her as she came across as a friendly person. Believe it or not, I sent the same email to my daughter's teacher, her response was

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I plan on having the kids present their projects the last week of school before the winter break. There's a lot of hard work that goes into these and the scientific method needs to be reinforced at every level. You are so right to give credit where credit is due. There will be many grades from the project as we progress through the whole thing. There will be a couple of days to do research at school next week, too. The students will need several references to get enough information to make an educated hypothesis. We will do our best to learn the optimum amount from this experience.

**********************************

Well, readers you be the judge! The above message is the giving me some peace and understanding about the whole situation. They say, everything happens for good. In this case, it is true or else if she did not get a chance to take some kind of revenge, the teacher would have
shown it on my son, someway or the other. So, thank you GOD!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Truly Unbelievable..

My kids composed music for PTA reflections contest theme "Diversity means".

The music with lyrics came out so well, even the critic/negative side of me couldn't find any fault. The songs had potential to go up to Nationals. Yeah, you read right, I said "had potential". That's what our belief was, a strong belief. My son usually talks negative but secretly wishes for the best but he too, was so in belief that there might be a chance of him, going to Nationals. He played his song to everyone on his birthday party as he was so proud of his work. And everybody cheered for him and said the song is so catchy and well composed.

Wish I could share here the song but due to me being anonymous, I cannot share. Yesterday, We were so shocked when they announced their names in "Award of Merit" category. This will be the first time, his song will not be at district/State level. Last year, his song even went up to State level and even they sent email saying not to lose heart, you are in our Elite list. First time, we went to the Ceremony without praying to God, even the thought of praying, did not come. Not arrogance, but, I guess the belief was so strong or just did not think, the ceremony was a big deal or whatever.

Their Ex piano teacher is also in shock of how can this be possible. She said too many people in history got knocked out or under appreciated but one final day, they proved to the world, that they are special. I just can't figure out what did the judge hear for him to take away the opportunity from others to hear the beautiful positive message the songs were delivering. I made my kids to practice everyday, requested and sometimes yelled to practice, so while recording time, there will be no lapses or pauses.

All I can think of is they used background music from synthesizer for their composition. Never there was any rule which said not to use other than not to use midi's. Even their piano teacher said there is nothing wrong in using rhythm.

I just feel so bad for them. The worst thing is they don't even know, where they went wrong. They just declare the results without passing any opinions. Good thing about being a child is you quickly erase negativity and move on and find something else to do. They themselves said that will come up with better tune for the next upcoming theme "The Magic of the Moment".


Difficult to swallow the reality but that's how life is. Sometimes you cannot believe on your own work, say out loudly to the world confidently, Hey, That is the best awesome work!


Is it possible to believe in yourselves when the world passes negative judgement? I'm thinking to call the art teacher and ask her what was wrong...did she hear the songs...who was the judge....but my husband says I may come across as a disgruntled mother. But whats wrong to finding out the truth then assuming and make an 'a**' of myself. Well, if you have read my previous post, you know, if I believe in something, I don't give up. So, as usual let us see.


*****************


Well, her response was she doesn't have music knowledge to pass judgment and did not show interest to listen to the music. She said she will try to find out from the judge if he/she remembers but cannot guarantee if she can come up with an answer.


The contest rules are placed in such a way that parents will never know why someone got rejected or who the judge was and why they chose someone over others. The kid have to just accept the end result.


I sent an email to PTA president along with the videos and he too was shocked and said such an outstanding work did not go to district level is unbelievable and even told me that I have every right to know what was the reason behind it.


I urged him to find the truth as there is more than that meets the eye and as a PTA president, he should know the truth. Well, let us see...


I feel guilty for forcing my kids to work hard and urged them to take this contest seriously. If authorities don't feel the responsibility or recognize the talent or doesn't care if they shun the talent and spirit of young kids then that's a shame.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Eek! A Scarlet Johansson Moment!

Recently, I searched to see what's J's gal-friend is up to. To my dismay, after my search, she updated her picture to two years ago picture which she took with J, just to tease me. But the picture she displayed in Facebook was cropped to show only her, indirectly let me know, they are not an ITEM anymore or never been before.

But my question is how did he come to know that I searched. This is where, things get interesting. I thought, he might have placed an ad on google search which instantly tells the owner whenever the link appears for someone to click. So, while researching on that subject, I posted my question on a website:


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I know a guy who knows whenever I search for him on Google. No, its not Ziggs. Without clickin on any site, by just searching on his name, he gets the information. Do you know how it is possible? Any insight of yours will be greatly appreciated.


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Luckily, this time, the webmaster bothered to answer by saying:


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Sounds like he has a keylogger installed on your computer or he has cloned your cell phone.
Those would be the first two things I would check.


****************************



I was like what? A Keylogger? Never heard that before...So, I requested the guy to provide some more information.



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Thank you for your insight. I am wondering how could he have possibly installed keylogger when he never had access to my computer or itouch. Do you think I installed KeyLogger by accessing any of his page. How to know if it is there on my computer/ITouch? How to get rid of it? Even though, he is not my friend on facebook, he knows pretty much when I searched for him. And I used to think that Facebook IPhone was leaking out some kind of info or maybe he was knowing it somehow when I was logging into Facebook. Seeing his reaction, I used to type few characters of his name and the app used to display, his profile but he still used to figure it out that I searched for him. I know this because he used to change his profile picture to inform me. Maybe its not believable for you as it is not for me but whenever I used to search for him on Google, he used to make his LinkedIn/Facebook/pipl/whitepages sites visible/invisible in Google search and of course to let me know that he knows, what I'm up to. After a lot of research, I thought he might have added some invisible image tracking bug to be displayed whenever someone searches on his name. And then I thought, he might have added an ad and whenever it the ad gets displayed, it may send information of who and from where the search came from but I know that until you click an object, the details won't get passed. You may not believe but his reaction to my search used to be pretty fast. The same trick he used to do it in MySpace.



Thank you for your time. If possible and if time permits, please respond.



Regards,

Serendipity


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Hi -



Many types of malware can be installed by visiting hostile websites.


1. I suggest you scan your computer, laptop, etc for malware. Download the Microsoft “Malicious Software Removal Tool” – it will find and remove a lot of malware.


2. Get a good antivirus suite of software, such as Viper, from http://www.sunbeltsoftware.com/. (That’s what I use and recommend.) Use it to check your computer for malware every day, and to prevent you from unknowingly installing malware by visiting websites. It will warn you if you are going to a site that has malware on it. (It’s not perfect, but it’s very good.)


3. Take your Apple products to the Apple store and ask them to check for keyloggers and other malware in your telephone and iTouch. Tell them what is going on.



Good luck

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After reading lot of articles on internet, I feel like its really possible that he is using a keylogger on my iTouch. I'm so upset on myself than on him, because I'm the one, who put I myself in this situation by following him on the internet. My situation is almost like Scarlet Johansson episode as I too have some very personal stuff on my iTouch and he has access to every tiny detail of my life. If the theory holds true, then he even knows about this blog. My thoughts which are totally should have been to myself is all out in public. From two years, he is tracking not only me but rest of my famil members computer activities. I am so disappointed and sick to my stomach.



A keylogger is software that records everything you type. It can be used to steal passwords, credit card numbers, PIN numbers, bank accounts and personal information.






You may have to use the keylogger to get into the email account of someone you know the recipient trusts. Label the attachment as a file that the receiver would be interested in such as "Photos" so that you are sure they will download it. Once it is downloaded, the program will automatically install itself and send you an email confirming its installation. This all takes place in the background invisibly.



I guess, he made me a victim by making me open some photo of his or his girlfriends. I remember clicking to see his girlfriends party invitation in Facebook and then on, whenever I used to type his name on Facebook IPhone App, he used to be ready with a message about his plans for the day. He mesmerized me from time to time by doing such things and I used to get over blown by the technology he was using but all these time, I thought the application was running towards his end and I'm in no way jeopardizing myself by searching for him on the interent. At one point, I searched using his girlfriend's facebook id, thinking that he might have not written a program to track even if I search on her id. But he even acted on it and removed her facebook profile pictures from Google images. I had doubts on him but then I thought, google might have removed old images. God, now, I know, how he was so quick to act on my search. I really don't understand, either he is interested in me, if so, come on bravely and talk with me or else, if not interested, just don't bother about me or my computer usage.



While keyloggers are technically not illegal, you do need to be careful as they are ethically questionable. If you use one, you are invading someone else's privacy. Ask yourself if it's justifiable and whether you would want somebody using a keylogger against you.



Now, I don't know, how to remove from iTouch but before that I want a confirmation about its existance. Maybe, he just recorded search queries as my email accounts doesn't show any unknown activity. If so, I did not experience Scarlet Johannson moment.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I Figured Out Who He Is


I figured out who the Flight Attendant is. Woohoo! Yay! Yes, you read it right! At least, that was the case in my dreams. Today, I woke up knowing who he is.

Enter the world of dreams where the unconscious brain rules the world and takes you on a journey to resolve your quest for answers which the real world can't or won't provide.................



I was watching a personal recorded video with my kids and suddenly, the TV screen showing the time I spent with my family touring a rich, high class people's house with a game room, personal gym room and then in my dream, I realized, OMG! all these time, I thought of not having his picture to remember him forever but in fact, I've a video of the time I spent with him.

In my dream, I was mesmerized by the luxiriness of this huge house and was awing along with kids while going through each and every room. The person who was showing the house was a friend of the Flight Attendant. Even in my dream, my eyes and thoughts were on the Flight Attendant. He was in the kitchen discussing and helping out the chef while I was with his friend wandering every room. And then, we were on their personal boat, cruising with their girl pals. He was with the captain of the boat but his friend was with two girls and my family was in the third row. Athe time, my eyes were watching him and his mannerisms but he never ever looked or made an eye contact with me. I was like non-existent. In my dream, I even thought of converting to Christianity if Jesus helps me to make him fall in love with me.

Dreaming
His name was Mark Junior, student at A.W. Medical College. At this moment, I am really not sure about the name or the college but in the morning, everything was crystal clear. But I remember, him being, royal in every move and gestures towards others and was noble in his thoughts. He wanted to be a doctor and help poor people.

I remember that day on Flight LH 441, while the other Flight Attendant was discussing with the front seat passengers, he stood next to her and the whole time without blinking my eyes, I watched him and his expressions. I heard him speaking German that too fluently and laughing about something. And while he was about to pass my seat, I lifted my head to see him one more time, I noticed him watching me that's when I know, he was conscious about me and I was in his thoughts the whole time. He just did not want me to know that he had a thing for me. Because of getting that moment to watch him, actually made me to sketch him or to remember his every feature of his face so clearly even after near to be five month ago union. I miss him but the truth and reality is people never turn up the way we expect about each other. So, in the end, all these waiting will be wasteful if he won't turn out to be the way I thought about him having feelings for me.

After many mornings, this was the first morning, I woke up satisfied instead of being disappointed with the way life is.

While I'm in my own thoughts about love, feelings, magical moments....my daughter came up with this drawing. Ahh...the innocence of childhoodness!

Wish I give importance to many unique things the world, the surroundings offer us. There is much more in this world than cupid love, opposite genders attention, missed connections, endless waitings, broken hearts..... the first meeting, the awkward silence, involuntarily eyes talking..unknowingly expressing love at first sight, rapid heart beats.....

skyScraperOh hell! whatever, this is how my heart feels......

Thursday, November 3, 2011

It's not YOU, it's ME!

In my previous post, I mentioned about aborting my search for him, but as usual after few days, I really wanted to know from Angel Flight Attendant of what really happened. So, I sent her email....
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I waited for so long to get a reply from you. I answered sincerely to all of your questions and doubts. Could you please just let me know about your search for him? I respect your decision if you thought of not helping me out but at least just tell me your thought process.

I truthfully accept whatever decision you have made and will not bother you in future. I understand the intricacies of answering/ helping an unknown stranger but a truthful reply is always respected irrespective of the decision.

Pleaseeeeeeee!

Thank you


*************************************

To my surprise, she sent me an email that too referring me with "Dear"....


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I am in [African Country] at this moment and receiving your mail makes me feel very guilty!!!
I apologize for the delay in getting back to you, but my life has been extremely busy, that I completely forgot about you and your 'case'.

I promise, that I will start immediately in searching for the missing person and I hope, that I can contribute to a 'happy end'...it would be wonderful!

Just, please give me a bit more time....I will try my best.

Of course I do appreciate, that you answered me all my questions sincerely and openly and I have no doubt about your good intentions.

So just relax, all will be fine....:)

Wishing you a wonderful day and thanks for reminding me about you and the search ;)

Kind regards


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I was like wow! Again my hopes, smiles were back. I was like God, is there really a chance to get in touch with him.....will I really be able to track him........ Wow! it looks like we're really meant-to-be.


*************************************
But then, she sent one more email but this time answering my previous email questions and at the same time asking me to provide answers about my personal details.......


*************************************

...sorry for that delay as well, but just follow me down now I inserted the answers to your questions within the text below in red !

[Insert My Name], there is one more question though.....or maybe five:

1. [Insert My Name] is your real first name? What is your last name?
2. Are you male or female?
3. You are searching for a male colleague, who worked on
June 7th 2011 from IAH to FRA?
4. Your seat was 40 A-K ?
5. He looks about like the first sketch you had sent me?

Please provide me also with your phone number, so I can call you and talk to you personally...hope you don't mind.

I am taking this matter very serious....and I want to help in finding the person....I love the story :)

Ok, now scroll down to read my answers please:

1. Is it really possible for you to reach him coupled with the information I gave and the long career track under your belt at Lufthansa?.......ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE...RIGHT? I MEAN; IF IT IS MEANT TO BE; I WILL CERTAINLY FIND HIM SOMEHOW....JUST WAIT AND SEE ;)
2. I was under the assumption that you'll be traveling to and fro same routes week after week but that's not the case, right? RIGHT; NOT AT ALL....ALWAYS DIFFERENT FLIGHTS AT DIFFERENT DAYS...SOME PEOPLE ONLY HAVE TWO FLIGHTS A MONTH; LIKE ME:.....OTHERS HAVE FOUR FLIGHTS A MONTH.....
3. Most of Lufthansa FA's are German, is it true? I GUESS SO; BUT AM NOT ABLE TO ANSWER YOU WITH 100% CERTAINTY....WE HAVE MANY MANY NATIONALITIES ON THE OTHER HAND.....
4. In your long career as an FA, has anytime any made an impact on you to remember him/her for longtime YES! MY BOYFRIEND..WHOM I MET ON A FLIGHT FROM FRANKFURT TO BUENOS AIRES....THREE YEARS AGO....;) .. or you meet too many new people too often that you can't remember anyone? OF COURSE WE MEET MANY PEOPLE....BUT SOME STICK OUT....AND THEY ARE THE ONES ONE REMEMBERS....RIGHT? LIKE IN REAL LIFE......
5. If FA is ever interested in any passenger and don't have the contact number to follow through, is it possible for them to find the passenger's info in anyway? UFF.....NO IDEA....NEVER TRIED....I WOULD THINK IT IS HARD.....
6. If FA is at the tail section of the plane, does that mean he/she is a newbie? NO ALWAYS.....SOME OLDER ONES LIKE TO WORK IN THE BACK AS WELL....AND SOME NEW ONES WORK IN THE FRONT.....
7. In 747's, do FA's have any privacy in pantry sections or any other FA sits there? ANY FA SITS THERE.
8. On long haul flights, do you have any area where you can lie flat and sleep or you've to sit and sleep in your seats just like passengers? WE HAVE AN AREA; WHERE WE CAN HAVE SOME SLEEP.
9. Does Lufthansa has any company social event like Christmas party where all FA's can meet each other?
NOT FOR FLIGHT ATTENDANTS...WE ARE MORE THAN 16.000 !
10. Too many new people to meet, but too less time to make a special connection, is it true?
NOT AT ALL.....!!!!

Too many questions I guess.....NO WORRIES....IT IS MY PLEASURE.... Looking forward for your insight. HERE IT IS ;)

*************************************


This is what my response was......


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I can't say in words, but I am so HAPPY, surprised and thrilled to see your email. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much [Her name]!! Looks like my case is not a weird case after all, otherwise you wouldn't have forgotten about me ;)

Yes, [My first name] is my real first name. Is it really necessary for you to know my last name?
Of course, I am FEMALE!
Of course, I am searching for a male FA :)
My seat number was [My Seat No.]
Yes, I did not want to forget his face. So, that's the sketch I came up with. Of course, he doesn't look exactly like the sketch but maybe closer. Is it not silly of me to think of him, remembering me after almost five months when left and right, he all the time meets new people from all over the world? As an experienced FA and being in this field for so long, what should I do? Should I abort my search? I don't want to look like a fool but I do believe totally that he will be happy to get in touch with me but then who knows.....One thing, I have to say, everything looks serendipitous til now as finding a person like you who wants to willingly help.

Wish he kept his profile available like yours. I would have sent a message saying, hey, do you remember a person whom you met on Jun 7th on LH441? I would have known his intentions from his response/non-response. If possible and if you find time, check out this video: The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved

Thank you so much for taking time and answering all my questions. Congrats for finding your boyfriend. Hope he is special and makes you feel that you're special. Do you mind if I ask you about how your boyfriend came forward in letting you know his interest on you? I used to think FA's job as glamorous and FUN FUN FUN !. Apparently, it is not! The other day I read a tweet of how a FA was complaining about how she had to go for work instead of cozily sleeping beside the warmth fireplace. Felt real pity for her. I guess two flights per month as in your case might not be a bad deal.

So, in case again if you take time to reply my email, should I remind you by sending an email or will I be bothering you?

I prefer emails rather than phone calls as in this way, I'll have time and privacy to communicate and be much more clear in communication. Hope you'll understand!

Anyway, please please always let me know your thought process. If you're busy and can't reply, just say in short that you're busy or later I'll reply or whatever, just be in touch.

Once again, thank you so much and have fun in [African Country] and safe trip to hometown.


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Two days over, no reply. All these waiting making me wonder, is it really worth, especially her time and effort? She sounds like a very warm-hearted helpful person but sometimes I wonder how can she forget, when she thinks my case is a weird case. Been more than fifteen days, she did not even start searching for him or passed a message to someone to find him. All she did was to find more about me on the internet. The Google search which happened on my name in Germany, was by her and this is my assumption based on her email. I don't understand why she needs my detailed information when it has nothing to do to find him and pass my message. I thought of what bad will happen, if I trust her and give my full name and phone number. But if my full name is searched on Google, she will know my address, home phone number, age, my comments on Facebook. Basically, it reveals every tiny detail about me. Is she busy again or forgot about me or got offended because I did not provide phone number for her to personally speak? Who knows? Wish people could just tell directly about their thought process instead of torturing silently.

Time and time again, I am putting this question to myself, if someone wants to get in touch with a missed connection, wouldn't they make themselves accessible on the internet. Just like the song The Script - The Man Who Can't Be Moved, wouldn't he made himself available in Google search through some social networking site in anticipation of my search for him. Of course, I understand that I did not give any sign or desperation to talk with him but what about his feelings.... his desire to talk....

I have some drawbacks in me like me-being-not-available-for-relationship, age and career. Who wants anyone with these drawbacks? Even if we get in touch, what's the possibility of long lasting friendship? All the time his sweet face comes in front of my eyes, but what can I do? I'm helpless. If I did not have any drawbacks, I would have done something or the other to find him, even the other day, I got a silly idea of posting a YouTube in search of him. Finally one day, Lufthansa would lose its temper with my relentless tries that they eventually would have let him know about me, the crazy person. But I cannot do silly things as my hands are tied. I highly doubt that he remembers me, not few days but if Nov 7th comes, it will be five months, who will remember that too a person like me and I know that I can be easily replaceable and that itself derails the search engine. But I really wonder, why he showed interest in me, what was special about me on that day for him to lay eyes on me. Being a Flight Attendant, he meets too many attractive people that too from all around the world, so why me? Why was he interested to have a talk? Why? Whatever reason that itself makes me to miss him.

He made me feel special.
He made me feel I'm wanted.
He made me feel I'm visible.
He made me feel I'm worthy enough to be pursued.


Wish he believed in me and made himself available on the internet. Let us see, if we're meant-to-be then surely we will meet one day, til then so long, my pal. I wish you the best!! I'll not email or pursue or bug the "angel flight attendant" anymore. She is a busy bee and I don't want to trouble her for something which I myself 100% not sure. But she promised in her email that she will find him somehow. I'm very skeptic about her intentions though. Does she want to use me to promote her business by being friendly? Why does she need my phone number when I already gave all the information related to that flight? If a person is so guilty of not replying, why will she do the same mistake over and over again. I've read few articles about the company she works and I'm feeling that she has no motive to help but to just use me to get into her business. This is the world we are in. You just can't trust anyone. Let us see, if she ever replies me back without me providing my last name and phone number.

I wish somehow you find me. Wish you won't give up on me. I was really stupid for not taking a chance when you gave me a hint to come and talk. Please don't forget me. Wish there is some kind of telepathy between us which is letting you know that I'm searching for you. The understanding between us when we met was a kind of telepathy. No one said to each other about likeness towards each other but somehow we knew. Come on! just make yourself available. We need to help each other. I can't believe that I can't find you on the internet. Wish I peeked at your name on that day. Please search for me. Nothing can beat the thrill and happiness when you get the knowledge of someone for whom you were searching in reality has searched for you the whole wide world to get in touch with you. I'll be waiting for that day!

WaitingForYou
Just now, heard it on Glee. Perfect song for you, my pal! Foreigner - I've been waiting for a girl like you

Friday, October 28, 2011

All I Heard Was Nothing

I got deceived by so called "Angel Flight Attendant". I believed and gave her all the information she asked so that she can help me get in touch with the Flight Attendant I'm in search.

****************************************

Ok, this sounds really weird, but I am happy to help you if possible.

First of all I would like to know, how you got hold of my email address and why are you contacting me.

Second I want to know, which date you were travelling from IAH to FRA.

Third: Which seat were you sitting on and in which class, economy, business or first class.

Forth: What is your real name, where are you from, what do you do as a profession and where do you live.

Many questions, but I guess if you want me to help you, you need to be as transparent and honest as possible.

Thanks for your understanding and looking forward to your answer.

****************************************

She did not respond for three days. Meanwhile, I sorted out with my brain of how crazy the whole thing is: to search for some stranger and to plead some unknown person to help and to make myself look like a lunatic, what if I'm jeopardizing myself by leaking my personal information.....

After three days of waiting-torture, she sends a pleasant nonchalant email....

****************************************

Thanks for your reply and all the info :) happy

One more thing I NEED to know:

When I received your email....it did not have your name as sender, but MY name with email address! How can this be???
I had not sent this email to myself...Could you please let me know? It would be really nice of you. Thanks so much!

Greetings and looking forward to some news.

****************************************

All she was worried was about her issues not thinking of why I contacted her. How can someone be so involved in their own world. Even though I clarified her with answers, she did not even bother to say at least a mere 'thank you'. When I contacted Lufthansa to help, at least they thanked me back for my complements on their service but this person, really how can she be in peace while making the other person wait on her. Look at her email with a smiley face and even using her nick name at the end displaying as a friendly person.

Guilty As Charged
Even though, ten days passed, I'll not ask her to give feedback on my Flight Attendant Friend because, I learned in a hard way from J, that if people don't want to do something, you can't make them do by pleading. How much ever you beg, you look cheap, desperate and helpless. In return, you may not even get reply but just 'blind eye', 'deaf ears' and 'devious laughter'. I will not allow others to hurt me or have a laugh over me. I will not be subjugated by some stranger. I may never find him, but that's okay as in this way, he will always be special to me with the same inviting smiley excitement-to-see-my-face look, which nobody can take that away from me. I'll believe in that day, that moment and that face. But if God wanted me to meet him, then no one on Earth can stop, neither Lufthansa nor witches who greet people with warm smiles but carry venom in their soul.

I understand the hardship to trust some unknown and help some stranger by going beyond their way. That's why I asked her to give my email id that too if only he is interested. In this way, no one jeopardizes their privacy. So, many thoughts went through my mind while I was waiting for her email like how I'm meeting so many genuine helpful people on my journey to find him. Everything looked serendipitous like I was destined to get in touch with him again. I was so eager to email Gregg about how I did unthinkable thing and was able to prove him wrong by reaching my Flight Attendant Friend.

Weaving DreamsI'm ending my search for you. See you soon!!

My heart's a stereo
It beats for you, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note
Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo





(Waited patiently for two whole weeks, then I sent a request to please respond. She responded with positive enthusiasm and said sorry for making me wait...She said she will help me out but let us see.)

Friday, October 21, 2011

Missed Connections - Oh, What a waste!

So, irritating to read "Missed Connections" stories on the internet. Everybody has the same story. Same gazing effect, non verbal signs. Reading few on Google search making me not to feel anything special of what happened with me and the Lufthansa Flight Attendant. No destiny involved here. I just experienced what others experienced before. Nothing special but desperation for someone.

Everything looks meaningless until and unless the feelings are from both sides. Because of me contacting someone in Lufthansa made someone to search for me in Germany.

Search Engine: Google Germany
Search Terms: Insert My name here
Visitor Location: Frankfurt Am Main, Germany
Date: October 18, 2011
Time: 11:55 AM EST

Well, you may be thinking, how I came to know. The answer is ZIGGS. Hahaha.....

Happy times, sense of accomplishment, destiny, I-did-it moment or aha moment....and then nervousness, nail biting time, sick to death to think about the outcome....

Now, I don't know how they came to know from which city I'm from until and unless, some insider involved in getting my ticket information. So, why the delay til now from "angel FA" to inform about my "friend FA". Either the Lufthansa insider scared to help as they don't know what kind of person I'm or my so called "Friend FA" doesn't remember me and declined to get in touch with me.

Last Friday, when I contacted "Angel FA" to help me out, I felt terrible to request/plead someone even though she said she will try to help. I was so dull and gloomy that day that everyone around me, asked - why do I look like as if I lost something? Couple of days after that day, I was so scared of where she will give me, negative info....but now, I'm ready for anything. I should not feel bad if he won't turn up as that proves that he is not a genuine or trust worthy person. He may be acting out and flirting with every girl who comes in his path so why will he bother to get trapped in some old missed connection. And after reading so many missed connections, I don't feel anything special. I blocked him so no more his smiley face or the plane scenarios are coming up in my sleep. I guess my belief and wish/hope was so strong that he kept on appearing in my sleep but not anymore. Total stupidity to long for someone. Lesson learned!! Don't believe in what you see....

I have no regrets for chasing something in which I believed in.
Well, LIVE & Learn. It is a shame that I've to doubt myself about what I saw in him. How beautiful it would have been if I believed in him with hundred percent. How wonderful it would have been if he jumped with joy when he heard the news of someone whom you met on June 7th,wanted to interact with you. Part of my heart, believes that there is no doubt in what I saw and how much I trust that he was interested in me and truly believe that the way we interacted with each other was like we were familiar with each others intentions and there is no reason to doubt each others intention of likeness towards each other. But the reality, the fact, the present situation doesn't show.

Missed ConnectionsLife Saga

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Real Deal....is it?

My Aug 24th message to the FA whom I met on LH 441:
the real deal
I would like to know about you. Without any prejudice, just based on that day, if what I saw and thought was right, then you know what to do. I'm so dumb for not acknowledging you. I wanted to thank and praise you for your excellent service with being energetic, helpful and that too with a welcoming attitude. I wanted to say that you're perfect and fine example for the job, but you were at the tail section of the plane and I couldn't meet you. I could've written a note or given a note to the other flight attendant with whom I had a long chat while waiting to exit. Wish I had courage and confidence. I turned over and tried to see but couldn't.... Communicating with you one more time will be just unbelievable unimaginable, an absolute miracle. Just thinking itself is brightening me up! Just do it! Til then I'll cross my fingers.... if destiny is involved here then it'll surely take its course....

I think I'm close to getting in touch with him. I contacted some undisclosed Lufthansa Flight Attendant to help me out and bless her heart, she said she will try. When I saw her email, for at least 30 minutes, I just couldn't stop myself from smiling. Is it really possible? Can I finally reach him? Being an experienced FA, for her to say to help me out is worthy enough to be applauded for her warm nature. Of course, after thirty minutes, I became emotional and started worrying about where she may give the dreadful news of him not remembering any such encounter with any woman on that flight. Anyway, as usual his face came in front of my eyes and assured me to go ahead and give the required details for her to search for him.

Should I believe in what I saw? I guess it is too late ask that question. I'm really scared and feeling emotional of what will happen. What if he is not interested? Whenever I think of such a question, then and there, his friendly face pops up in my brain which gives me assurance. Even though in August I said -
"I won't chime for him and will not think or search to find ways to interact because I know, when the moment is passed, its gone. No good will come by chasing. As usual, people will move on with their life."

I'm surprising myself with the way I do things. There are so many pretty and available girls in this world so why on Earth, he will remember me. Going through my past blog post is helping me out to see what I believed during that time. Even though I still think the same, my mind is wavering when it is time to know the truth. I can't just let go off anything. Why this curiosity to know the truth? Now, I have put myself close to embarrassment. What the hell - just lets dive, that's how I feel sometimes and start doing some crazy stuff.


I have read in "Missed Connections Success Stories" about not many will be successful as things may not turn out the way you have imagined. So, I've to brace myself for the worst or trust his face. I truly feel, he is a sincere and a good person but who knows whether those characters are part of his job or is he really, a warm welcoming, good-natured person. Again, just now, his face popped up, that's it, whatever it is, I have to know the truth. I've to find out whether he will have the same smiling face if I re-enter in his life for the second time. God, I trust that moment, I trust him, I trust his face! PERIOD!!!

I wished for him to search for me but as I did not react to his stare so how will he know about my interest in him...so, I have to take the lead....I totally honestly trust you. I truly believe 100% that you are my well wisher, my friend who won't break my heart. I want to find out whether I exaggerate or is it the real deal? Let us see what happens when you trust your guts....NO GUTS, NO GLORY!!!

This instance played out in my head:

Helper FA: Hey, were you the FA on board on Jun 7th from flight IAH to FRA
Him: Yes, I was. Why? What's the matter?
Helper FA: Do you remember anything particular about that flight?
Him: Not really! Why?
Helper FA: Well, someone is looking for you. She says you gave her a sign to come and talk to you. Is that so?
Him: Hahaha...that's funny. Are you serious?
Helper FA: 100% serious. Answer my question....did you or did not?
Him: I don't think so...

And there you go, my stupidity has been proven. Going near my Itouch becoming nerve wracking as I'm tensed of her sending unfavorable dream shattering news. That's why I decided to send her email saying that please reply to me, if only you have any good news to pass. I'm just scared of where the whole thing shatters....I guess, sometimes ignorance is a bliss. I wish him happiness wherever he is. Well, I tried my best to reach you and respected your signal. I guess, I'm done. I don't want to know anymore. The whole thing is just so emotional to bear. I'm better off not knowing.