Sunday, December 26, 2010

Lost Sense Of Belonging!!

From long time I've been thinking but today I decided to stop my foolishness and take a decisive action of not anyway to get information about him. You chase until you feel the sense of belonging but once that waivers you are FREEEEEE......

Yes, I know J that I said I'll be in-touch with you forever but its becoming difficult to breath. If I follow you, I'll never be happy or be in my life or be in my surroundings. I'm getting separated from everybody, my kids, my husband. I no longer read books to kids or play or involve in them. When I sit at the dining table, I think like I'm in out of place and I've nothing to talk with my husband or kids. I'll be anxious to check emails to see any alert popped in. I constantly think of what's your strategy or motive for commenting like this or that or about your updated Facebook profile picture. Thanks to you, I hate Facebook too. Whenever I log in, I feel like we are in the same room and even though I can't see you, you can see all my moves which you proved that in virtual world, its possible. So, I can't log in. If I've to progress in life and be a responsible mother and wife, I need to stop. I saw your recent picture. I'm happy that you put on weight and back to how you were in 2008. This year I amused you a lot with my antics. You were so involved in amusement that you didn't once put yourself in my shoe and felt the pain I went through. Its all 'cause of your age and immaturity. One day, you'll know the answers of why I disappeared suddenly without any emails. Its all give and take J. You don't respect, you don't get it. I know nothing you'll lose, there are plenty of girls who are available and whom you'll date. So all the best with your life.

Even though you showed me happiness, you are the one who showed me what it is to be in somber mood. Our journey ends here. No way I want to get any information about you. I put all the alerts and information in other account and will not be logging in, at least that's what the plan is. What I'm visualizing is dropping a suitcase with collection of your stuff and waving goodbye without any feelings as if I've lost the sense of touch. I want to be happy and be available for the family. You never needed my affection nor you never need. So long to whoever you are. God help me to stick to the plan.

That reminds me Sara Bareilles "King Of Anything":

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

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