Friday, November 26, 2010

How To Wear Leggings

Today, I did Black Friday shopping at United Colors Of Benetton and bought a tunic with matching leggings. Even though I argued about the tunic's length with the sales person as it was almost coming up to my knees but somehow she used her magic and made me buy. So, here I'm researching on "leggings with tunic" to know whether I'm right and of course my fashion instincts were right. Now, what should I do...return or give it to alterate and spend some more money?

Wear leggings with tunics: The simplest way for women to sport leggings is underneath a tunic. Tunics vary in length, so it's important that your tunic is long enough to cover your hips and rear. Because leggings fit so close to the body, you want your top to come down past your hips - otherwise, this is a look better suited for the gym instead of the street. Your tunic top can be in sweater form or knit jersey material. You can wear a belt with it or not. Just make sure your look is balanced - since a tunic is roomy, your leggings should be fitted. One way to sport a monochromatic, casually elegant ensemble is to wear a black tunic with black leggings and black high heel boots. This is perfect for cool weather.
Petites and tall women: Petite women should take care when wearing leggings with a roomy top. Make sure your top is proportioned for shorter women so that it doesn't fall past your mid-thighs - otherwise, it can look like you're wearing a dress with leggings underneath. Also, your ensemble should be as monochromatic as possible for an elongating look. Tall women should also select their tops with care. You want to wear a shirt that comes down far enough so that your rear isn't exposed.
Choose the right shoes: Leggings look best with flats, such as ballerina flats, or plain pumps. Boots are another great option to wear with leggings.
Don't wear a tight shirt: Because leggings are so fitted, it's best to steer clear of tight shirts for the best look. These items work better when your overall outfit is balanced, pairing roomy with fitted.

It's Complicated!!

Yesterday, I watched the funny movie "It's Complicated". Made me laugh-out-loud. Meryl Streep and Alec Balwin's acting was amazing. Especially, I liked the background music they play whenever Alec Baldwin gets weird thoughts to get attention of his Ex-wife.

The movie ends with both going separate directions even though he leaves his current wife to be with his ex and expresses his love that has never changed over the divorced period, Meryl doesn't accept his proposal.

If I did not experience such failures in my life, I would've easily said 'oh why can't she agree and live happily ever-after  after all he left his wife and once again back to you with all his love' but the truth is not that plain. On the surface, things may look smooth with all the fun and the attention but the scars of the past won't go away.

Even though I'm desperate and miss the person who I think has become part of my life, inspite of him trying to do subtle things like updating FB profile or sharing his personal stuff on forum, I can't send him a message as it is complicated and things won't happen the way you want it to be and of course big "Uncertain future". That's why, once he said S.O.S in reference to my saying 'Why it is so complicated?'.

I was surprised to see that he won't mind me snooping around for him on the internet to find his latest details. He actually changed his signature on the forum with his real name so that I won't get confused and giving assurance that I'm following a right candidate. I know he likes me and loves to share nitty-gritty things about his life but inspite of that we both know that we are not meant to be so we have to let it go and accept the truth.

Its been 64 days without writing an email to him. Are we done J? 'cause in the past, we always somehow got back together but this time it looks real.Yeah, time will create distance between us in our minds and we slowly lead ourselves in different directions and that will be the end of us.

As usual my brain has a song for this occasion....it is Christina Perri's Jar Of Hearts.

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Virtual Love Saga

You may not believe this but I'm surrounded by mysteriousness and I don't know how to solve it. Wish a computer genius who is very good at javascript will be willing to help me.

This is a story about a man with whom I interwoven myself with my heart and soul in a pure way not in a sexual way but with a deep attachment which even after two years still as strong as when it started. As far as I know, only a psychiatrist can answer my attachment towards this person.

Let us talk about unresolved mystery, shall we? He is using some kind of tracking code on my Facebook and able to know about my browsing history on Facebook. He is not my friend on Facebook but he knows when I login and what I do. The question you want to ask me is how do I know. While I was sleeping, my brain was busy analyzing all the possibilities  Whenever I check for his or his unreal girlfriend's status messages through one of his friend's friend list, he will know and promptly he updates his profile picture and lets me know in a naughty way that he is top of things and has full control over what I do.

So what I did is found an uncommon and rarely used friend's list from his unreal girlfriend's friends list which btw has 1000 friends. But still he was able to find out and by next day, she removed him from his friends list. Don't you think this is fishy. Without knowing this, I went through many profiles from his friends list and some where his relatives and now they all kept themselves private. In past when we were going through misunderstanding period, I told him to make his profile private so that is the reason, he can interact only through by updating profile picture.

My understanding is if I use iPhone app, he will not be knowing my browsing pattern but if I use any kind of browser, he is getting some kind of my session information. The so called Facebook privacy is creeping me out.

He has control over Google search. He gets some kind of notification whenever someone searches for him. When I searched for his fake forum name, he promptly mentioned about his weekend long drive. Whenever he interacts or catches me, I can feel his enthusiasm, his liveliness which just pours out and that always gives me indication that he caught me. My question is why can't he interact directly and say I miss you, talk to me, I need you, I want to be your friend  I want to be in touch with you but he won't send me an email or anywhere on the internet displays direct interaction with me like if interacting with me is a taboo. I sent him countless emails about my attachment towards him and how I want to be in touch with him forever and be a good friend. Even though, he accepts my friendship, never talks to me directly or answers to my questions in my email. I'm so tired of waiting for a proof which says his attachment towards me or about how his gladness over finding him on the internet or how we keep on get separated but still able to find each other somewhere on the internet or how we keep track of each others moves on the internet.

I understand your actions but I'm dying for words. I'm miserably losing weight due to being emotional and clinging to something which might not be anything. If we are something extraordinary like "The Notebook" movie, one day you'll write to me without being worried about the world.

One more weird thing happened is when I was drawing a movie actress as a part of my media room art project, I drew his so-called girlfriend's face. Can you believe it?


How weird can this be.... out of all the faces on the Earth, my hand leads to her.

As always my brain plays a right song at right time and right now its playing Nicky Minaj's "Right Through Me".

You see right through me
How do you do that shit? x3
How do you x5

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I'm Better Off

I hanged a collage of selective and memorable images of my marriage life on the wall. It shows the journey of  how we progressed as a couple and how collectively exteneded our family by adding two.  It shows how an innocent girl traveled through her life and became mother of two. Every picture has a story. Every picture lets us know where we were in our life whether we were happy or grumpy or just posed smiling for the camera sake.

Why I say I'm better off is 'cause when I used to see Facebook profiles of young people who are in their early twenties posing away and showing all their affection and hugs to the partner, I felt shooting pain in my heart and felt lonely, seeing them having love in their life, the partner who adores and loves you for who you are. The socializing, the fun trips to lakes, boating, fishing, traveling, touring, attending marriages, the endless nights, partying, care-not life as couples made me choke, felt like I was trapped under load of unhappiness and no one in the world loves or cares for me. I am all all alone in this big wide world.  But when I checked my collage, I realized once-upon-a-time, I had that life and now I've progressed in my life and reached a more responsible and contented life. The collage shows my marriage life and countless stories, that too with one partner whereas I cannot say same about the people who are in their 20's posing for Facebook as they change every week, every year to different partner, causes can vary from cheating to not-my-type person.

Believe me, my heart - grass always looks greener on the other side. Its like a mirage. Don't believe what you see as it is make-a-believe pictures for show off and temporary attention. What you have is gold. You have nurtured it, went through ups and downs, collected memorable treasures in the form of kids and made a life and you doesn't have to remove or erase a part of life as a partner of that time broke your heart like the way it happens with people who are in their 20's.

So I encourage everyone to keep as many pictures as possible on your walls, showing your life with your partner. It is so important as eyes look for proof, looks for something which pleases your soul and gives you the assurance that you too have love in your life.

So take as many pictures as possible with joy, happiness and fill them with hugs even though you may not be in a mood for that particular joyous occassion. But remember you have to build this treasure of happy pictures for your eyes to give you the satisfaction and assurance that your life is not wasted away.

I don't know why but BOB's "don't let me fall" song is ringing in my ears. Somehow the song might be relevant to my current frame of my mind as my brain always plays right songs at right time.

But it was just a dream
Just a moment ago
I was up so high
Lookin down at the sky
Don’t let me fall
I was shootin for stars
On a Saturday night
They say what goes up
Must come down
But don’t let me fall

Monday, November 22, 2010

Deja vu

Yes, that's what my semi-unconscious brain in my sleep did for me on Friday night. My semi-unconscious mind gave me answers to my problems. When I woke up, I was in cheerful mood like as if we have reconnected once again and overcame the odds to interact once again with each other. Whenever I am in that happy state of mind, I really feel like the street, the fall leaves, the world around me has, once again, started speaking with me.  My totally conscious brain was skeptic and did not allow me to believe the answers given by my semi-unconscious brain. But it made me believe that he will find me wherever I am and will interact mysteriously.

These is how it goes...my brain said to me that he has intercepted my search for him through Google search  to find his recent posts on a forum. And my brain has convinced me about his cheerful ecstatic mood which he displayed was to let me know that he caught me reading his posts and happy to interact with me in that way. It even gave me reasons of why it thinks in this way as his recent forum post timings matched with my Facebook login as he has expected that I'll  check his forum post after my Facebook browsing. It even told me his motive in updating his gf's profile as I'll be checking or doing search for her on Google to see her latest Facebook profile picture and that's why he posted his picture along with her as a couple to make me feel jealous and to update me his relationship status and his new girl in his life.

The reason my brain was able to convince me is 'cause in past, that's how we communicated through Google search. Hard to believe, but that's true. Whenever I searched for him on Google, he used to display or conceal his related websites based on our peace/un-peaceful relationship. When I contacted him on  the internet for the first time, I did not reveal myself so he did not know who was searching for him but I indicated to him through Facebook message about me "knowing him" and his once-upon-a-time interest on me. He did lot of mysterious way of communication on the Internet for which I have no answers even though I have Masters degree in computers. Like for an instance, even though he is not my friend on Facebook, he knows when I login. We used to communicate in that way too. Whenever I used to login and there used to be a status update on his profile as if I pinged him by logging on my FB. He used to amaze me with this mysteriousness.  Even now, he updates his profile picture based on my search for his profile picture through his friend's friends list and that friend can be anybody from his friends list. No one can believe but happened time and time again. Last time, I checked on him was Oct 24th and next day, when I saw through fb apps search by just typing half of his name so that he won't get any indication, there it was, he updated with "Nissan Truck", let me know that he bought a new Nissan Titan. Even though, I want to communicate with him, I can't as he never talks with me direct, always mysterious way which makes me sad and rises my anxiousness with unanswered questions.

Wish someone on the internet can solve this mystery and give peace for me. I have convinced myself that we always be in touch with each other through these mysterious ways. We have some kind of understanding, even though we are nothing for each other, something is bonding us and keep us together in virtual world.  I can feel in his messages, if he is in happy mood. He starts speaking a lot, tries to be funny and that's what he used to do when once-upon-a-time when we use to see each other or when he used to catch me on the  internet, snooping on him.  In my unconscious world, I felt like telling him to dream big and was convincing him to work hard and achieve the highest post and earn lot of money(that is his wish) as you have the power and intelligence to get it done if you put your mind to it.

Anyway, I kept myself away from the internet for two days to have total peace. Wish I could be away from the Internet week after week. My only news about him is through internet. If I'm away from it, I can run away from anxiety, restlessness.  Weekend was fabulous,, socializing with neighbors. But when I woke up, I was surrounded by anxiety and restlessness to check emails, alerts, Facebook....what not. Feeling depressed. Something wrong with me for sure. Why can't I get it that he has his own world, his life...why he'll be thinking about me. Internet is killing me.

Right now, I don't believe anything in this world. I don't feel anything. Am I conscious or day dreaming about writing? I'm feeling dizzy. I am not knowing the reality. I don't know, how long I'll sustain...

Friday, November 19, 2010

Is There An App To Lock My Phone?

I'm truly wishing for an App which can lock my itouch for mentioned number of days in that way once I make a decision of not surfing the web. That's it, cannot be altered. If we don't have self-discipline, some external force have to be used. I'm so done with FB and the whole wide web. I'm pathetic! Help me!

After little bit of cry, now, I'm ready to console myself. Feeling better already. Cry always makes me feel good. Don't know whatever the reason behind it. I'll do research on it later but not now.

God give me self-discipline, stubbornness, will-power to overcome this reclusive behavior.

Dear Bloggy

I am stuck. Don't know what to do in the morning. Can't go to work as I've to take care of kids once they come home from school. Searched for some part-time jobs. Almost, all are related to lifting weights or sales related. Not interested in both. I don't know, what to do. Just killing my life. I can't go for work too as interacting with people makes me go through emotional journey if some one is disrespectful or acts like I'm not existing. I am really not fit to be on this Earth.

My mom raised me over-protective way. Now, I am sensitive and unsocial. Every little neglect by people in a group makes me conscious of their dislike over me. The whole world looks unfriendly to me.  Yes, I should live and breath for my own selfish reason. Why do I care about others thoughts?

Wish someone can be my mentor and show me direction of how to lead my life. Constantly living life without anyone's guidance is killing me. Followed someone for past two years, showed relentless attention to unknown as if he is my soul mate. Acted like I was mentally ill. But seriously, I don't repent as I did not have control on my thoughts.

I can't make friends as I feel like no one can really like me. Feel like no one needs me. Everyone somehow makes someone as their friend but for some reason I can't. Other than my sister, up to 3 'o clock, I don't speak with anyone. That is one of the reason, I snoop on that unknown person, when I have nothing to do with this life. Maybe sometimes, I feel if he comes back and says that he wants to be in touch with me and that he needs me and my friendship and maybe that will give my confidence back that I am likable. But that will never happen 'cause he doesn't need me.

I feel like a loser. God, why didn't I plan my life after college...I just wasted my life. Living life as if I'm incapable and dumb. Even though I do volunteer work for school, I want to do more. I want to interact with new people. I want to show that I'm responsible and mature and has many brilliant ideas to share and talk. I'm waiting patiently for some door to open, for some bright light to show the way into new world, into new adventures.

Life is so complex. No one can be happy. Job, family, kids...everybody wants everything. And people who have all those three are also not happy as no time for family, haphazard life, no attention for kids, no vacation, labor work week after week. In that way, I should be happy of not going for work as I can concentrate on kids and their future but what to do about guilty feeling of not doing anything in the morning.
Working women feel guilty and even non-working women feel too.

By not going for work, I feel like I'm not matured. Can't handle different kind of people and their moods due to lack of experience. Planning for a new year eve party with neighbors and my hubby's colleagues. But I lack confidence about whether I can uplift and make the party a memorable and fun event. Have some brilliant ideas but the guests might not be the right candidates to go along with my ideas .

Even though I resist myself the 'L' word but that's what I see in my horizon. JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ.....come and give my confidence back...make my day.

I am so STUPID!! Don't come back. I don't respect anyone. Some part of my brain always speaks negative about everybody. I am stuck in two different opposite way of thinking brains. So no peace, no love for anyone.

The other day when my neighbor, a guy sent me a Facebook msg saying "why so much silence" about no-status-updates from me for a whole week as I was trying to runaway from Facebook, it reminded me about you. If he can miss me so too you can 'cause I'm fun and vibrant but you shut me up j. You took away my peace, my life from me. Made me dis-likable,  a loner. I am starting to dislike everybody, whole world....everything looks superficial, unimportant, no fun. What I'm going to do? Whenever I go to Facebook, I feel like you are within reach to communicate but I can't, we are untouchable and unknown to each other.  That's why I hate Facebook. On top of that, you know my every move on FB. I'm so frustrated for not able to find out the code which you are using to get my information. Just the thought of how it is possible for you to know my log-ins and log-outs, irritates me when no one in google search says it is impossible to snoop on private accounts. I am pretty sure its not my illusion but from outside world it looks impossible.

From the time, you indirectly let me know about your new mini truck, all I see on the roads is Nissan Titan. Before my eyes used to wander for Nissan 350Z and that too for silver color car and now it is for red mini truck. Involuntarily my brain scans the roads. Thanks to google alerts, I am getting your forum posts to my inbox. Sometimes I doubt and get worried whether you know that I'm following you on the forum. That will be awkward and awful. I just want to know true you without any false pretension. I want to forget you but same brain says to be in touch with you forever. Good luck with your turkey roast. When I think of sending you best wishes on turkey and then think of  puzzle look on your face about how I know - puts a smirk on my face like -  how once it happened with you when I sent an email to your email address which you thought I did not know, That incident always puts a smile on my face but at the same time makes me gloomy too.

I started this post with something and ended it with your topic as-usual tsk, tsk...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Finally, Everything Have To End

Dear J,

Yeah, I know you found a new girl in your life. I am happy for you. Lately, reading a lot of couples getting together and having good time. You too deserve a good girl. This is the first time, I felt happy when I came across your picture with your new GF. Finally, something real instead of you faking for my sake. But after 30 minutes, I am kind of sobbing. But I know to my heart that we were nothing for eachother ever. You were part of life which God has planned so that I can go through the journey of love, attachment and broken heart. If you did not come in my life, I would have never known what people go through when they are in love and how difficult it is to have and maintain relationship, how a little bit of miscommunication can lead to break ups. Mainly, what I experienced is how difficult to come out of break ups. I skipped all these in my life until you came in. Always thought love is the best thing can happen to anyone but OMG, the break up part, the aggravating pain, the agony, the anxiety...even though seen in movies but never felt it so hard. No wonder, they say, put yourself in others shoe. Until you experience on your own, no one has right to judge others. Because of you coming into my life, internet became part of my life...Youtube, Facebook, Google search, Twitter, Google alerts....and the list goes on and on. I never knew that you attacked me like Tsumani and wiped and changed my entire life. Because of you, perspective over many things has changed for me forever. Because of you, I guess, I can never ever be truly happy. You showed all the faults, the weakness in me and my life and still........I can't run away from you. The farther I go from you, the happier I'll be but I strapped myself with Facebook, Google alerts and what not.

Your messages on forum conveyed that you were in happy state of mind and I instantly knew that something is making you to be ecstatic. She seems to be a nice girl and rightly matches to your physique. I am glad, If you have found your true love and your life partner.

I wish I don't follow you on the internet and just leave you alone with your life but I keep on constantly follow your every move. I tell myself to give me a break. But, I don't listen to myself. Yes, I am glad that we don't communicate ever. That's Gods blessing. Pray to God that I don't follow you anymore and ask him to show me a way to make myself happy.

The good old days were good. Once you lose someone, you lose them permanently but now a days, it is not possible due to internet and especially if you don't have discipline.

Taylor Swift's Mine song lyrics ringing in my ears..braced myself for Goodbye, 'cause that's all I ever known.

Do you ever miss me? It is hard to forget me I guess, after all the things I did with my unstoppable emotional attachment towards you. I guess, you are glad that I am not in your life anymore. Yeah, I am glad that I am not in your life anymore but you are still with mine. Not a day goes by without thanking God for not communicating with you and that I'm not part of your life. I only wish one thing is just to erase past two years of my life and make me be what I was before you came in my life. I want God to erase all your memories, just swipe them completely and I should be like "J who?". How can it be possible if I strap myself with your links?

Wish I could peek in my future, beyond ten years and see whether I forgot you completely. I did a lot of research on internet about how people find new people and forget about all their old grievances, breakups and move along with life. It is possible...time heals the pain. I remember the days when I went through depression because of you and you even made me take depression pill. I remember how the pill made me relax, how it numbed my nerves and my thinking process and how it stopped from me being myself.  I remember those days when I used to be so anxious and my heart used to beat faster. Now, I am better than those days when I used to think that I couldn't live without you. Yes, time heals everything.

My brain constantly amazes me..how it always plays right song at right time. This is what is ringing in my ears....

Lifehouse's Broken:

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain is there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead

I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain is there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you will throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will, I'll be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Hidden Beauty - Caddo Lake

Caddo Lake, the mysterious and intriguing Texas treasure, is stretched across the Texas-Louisiana border. Caddo is Texas' only naturally formed lake and covers 26,810 acres of Cypress swamp and has an average depth of 8' 10" with the deepest water averaging about 20 feet. Caddo Lake offers many bayous, channels, waterways and sloughs which delight the fishermen. The state has marked 42 miles of "boat roads" to guide the sportsman through the maze of channels.










Even though the day was chill, the beauty of the place has taken my breath away. Til not, I 've seen only in pictures but to see such a mysterious beauty with your own eyes is such a joy to heart. The quietness of the place makes you relax and make you feel like cuddle your hubby and enjoy life without worrying about anything. The amazing thing is you can go for a boat riding or you can go on canoe in between those American lotus.

Trust me, don't ever hesitate to go this place. It is just awesome!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

25 Superfoods

According to O' magazine, discover the ingredients that will keep every part of you healthy—including your appetite.


Avocados


Creamy, succulent avocados not only contain the best kind of fat (monounsaturated oleic acid) but also help your body block the absorption of bad fats (cholesterol). They're high in lutein, which aids eyesight, and in potassium and folate, which may reduce the risk of stroke and cardiovascular disease. And they're low in pesticides.

Beets


The pigment betacyanin, which gives beets their distinctive hue, is just one of several disease-fighting phytonutrients found in this root vegetable. Beets are also a good source of folate, which guards against birth defects, colon cancer, and osteoporosis, and are high in fiber and beta-carotene.

Horseradish


Glucosinolate-rich horseradish fights cancer and kills bacteria. It's also a good source of calcium, potassium, and vitamin C, which, among other things, helps maintain collagen.

Sweet Potatoes


Whether orange or white, sweet potatoes contain phytonutrients that promote heart and eye health and boost immunity. They're flush with beta-carotene (thought to lower breast cancer risk) and vitamin A (which may reduce the effects of smoking).

Cruciferous Vegetables

Cruciferous vegetables—cabbages, cauliflower, broccoli rabe—contain a powerful range of disease fighters. One particular hero, sulforaphane, may increase enzymes that lower the incidence of colon and lung cancers.

Blueberries

Fresh or frozen, blueberries have sky-high levels of antioxidants, which combat the damage done by inflammation. Anthocyanins, the natural plant compounds that give blueberries their deep color, may have antidiabetic effects as well. And new research suggests blueberries might protect the heart muscle from damage.

Dark, Leafy Greens

Dark, leafy greens such as spinach, kale, and swiss chard are an excellent source of iron (especially important for women), vitamin A, and lutein for eye health. Best of all, you know those omega-3s everyone's talking about? They reside in dark greens (including seaweed, which is why they're concentrated in fish).

Alliums

Alliums, the botanical family that includes leeks, onions, and garlic, share many remarkable traits. They can help lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels. Research suggests they inhibit the growth of prostate, stomach, and colon cancer cells. They also have antibiotic properties—so they can ward off germs as well as vampires.

Whole Grains

Don't eat whole grains (such as buckwheat and quinoa) just because they are high in magnesium, B vitamins, fiber, and manganese. Do it because they taste great—nutty, buttery, earthy. And that, in turn, may actually help you to not overeat—one study found that people feel fuller after eating buckwheat than after eating other grains.

Spelt

Like whole wheat, ancient spelt is sweeter, nuttier, and higher in protein than its processed relatives. Both are also good sources of manganese and copper.

Turmeric

Turmeric, used in holistic medicine as a digestive aid and wound healer, can also serve as an anti-inflammatory, so reach for the curry (turmeric is a primary ingredient) when nursing a toothache or a sprain.

Oregano

Superstar levels of antioxidants mean that a half teaspoon of dried oregano has the benefits of a spinach salad. Oregano has the ability to act as an expectorant, clearing congestion, and can also improve digestion.

Cinnamon

Cinnamon is the gold medalist of the spice rack, with one of the highest antioxidant levels of all herbs and spices. It also has a positive effect on blood glucose levels, so adding it to foods can keep you feeling steady and satiated.

Ginger, Cayenne, Black Pepper

That heat on your tongue when you eat spices such as ginger, cayenne, and black pepper is evidence of gingerols, capsaicin, and piperine, compounds that boost metabolism. They also have an aphrodisiac effect—but avoid consuming them if you're bothered by hot flashes.

Miso

Deeply flavorful miso, a fermented soybean paste, is a great source of low-calorie protein (two grams in a 25-calorie serving). It also contains B12 and is a good source of zinc, which helps the immune system function properly.

Yogurt

Like the milk it's made from, yogurt is a very good source of calcium, phosphorus, and protein. Unlike milk, real yogurt also contains probiotics, the good bacteria your digestive system needs to process and benefit from all the other things you eat. One, Lactobacillus casei, boosts immune response.

Sardines

Wild-caught sardines are low in mercury (unlike some types of tuna) and high in vitamin D; a three-ounce serving has as much calcium as a cup of milk. Even better, they're one of the Monterey Bay Aquarium's top picks for sustainability.

Canned Salmon

King, sockeye, and coho salmon have more DHA plus EPA omega-3 fatty acids than almost any other seafood, as well as some of the lowest mercury levels. Nutritionally, wild-caught Alaskan canned salmon is as good as fresh, and it costs a fraction as much. The Monterey Bay Aquarium also champions this fish's sustainability.

Sesame Seeds

Tiny, tasty sesame seeds contain unique lignans (or plant compounds), including sesamin and sesamolin, which can help lower cholesterol. The seeds are a good source of calcium, phosphorous, and zinc—as well as copper, which research suggests may help maintain strong bones.

Walnuts

Of all nuts, walnuts contain the most alpha-linolenic omega-3 fatty acids, which lower LDL (bad) cholesterol and may reduce inflammation in arteries. Walnuts are also a great source of antioxidants, vitamin E, selenium, and magnesium.

Green Tea

While all tea (black, white, and green) has protective antioxidants, green tea contains the most bang for your sip. It's full of a metabolism-boosting compound called EGCG, which prevents damage to the heart muscles. Green tea may also improve bone density, but avoid adding milk to your cuppa—it may reduce the body's absorption of the catechins.

Dark Chocolate

It's just like chocolate to crash the party, but it's no mistake that the dark variety confers health benefits. Dr. Aviva Romm, President of the American Herbalists Guild, says that the high antioxidant levels make it a perfect indulgence. Chocolate is high in flavonoids, substances that have been shown to improve blood flow, suppress coughs, improve memory, and give you hydrated, smooth skin. A 1 oz. dose of chocolate a day is now officially the doctor's order

Flaxseed

Omega-3 fatty acids are a hot nutrition buzzword, and for good reason—they speed up cell metabolism and reduce inflammation in the body, reducing triglyceride levels and lowering blood pressure. One of the easiest ways to get them is from ground flaxseed. For a fast hit, sprinkle some on oatmeal or baked dishes.

Figs

Used for millennia is ancient Mediterranean and Middle Eastern cultures, figs are an excellent source of dietary fiber (almost 2 grams each!). They're also a good source of calcium and potassium.

Seaweed (Hijiki, Wakame, Kelp, Nori)

Think of eating seaweed as going directly to the source—this is where fish procure their Omega-3's, meaning you can skip the fish and go straight to the seaweed. Seaweeds are also a two-for-one deal, nutrition-wise: They contain nutrients commonly found in green, leafy vegetables, along with most minerals found in the ocean. They're also full of magnesium, which may prevent migraines and asthma attacks. Grate nori on popcorn and eggs, add wakame to soups, and marinate hijiki with sesame oil for a quick salad.

Based on this list, what I found out is my grocery list is the best. I use lot of ingredients from this list. Way to go!! Some I never heard like miso or Alliums but will definitely look for it next time when I am on my way for groceries.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Is Obsession Caused By Chemical Imbalance?

I don't know how to get an answer for this without directly discussing with a doctor.

I longed for almost two years for a guy whom I met at my kids swim school. He showed a lot of interest in me and made me alive. Two years ago, life took us separate ways but at that time, when we got separated,  I was so crazy for him. I just did not know how to come out it. Anyway, I found him online and started stalking him. Finding every tiny detail about him. I used to think about him 24 * 7 for almost two years.

We had a lot of  misunderstandings and almost it was like a hell to interact with him. Because both of us know our boundaries but fought through until we made ourselves tired.

In lot of my previous posts, I expressed what I went through. One thing, I was sure that I for sure knew that the person whom I am becoming is not me. It is out of my character. Now, if I reflect back for the things I did, for the way I stalked him online makes me feel queasy. All I can say is my mind did not work properly. I wrote so many emotional emails to him about the way I was attached to him.

I might have really looked like a crazy person to him. The "Uncharacteristic Two Years Of My Life" will always be part of my life. It doesn't matter whether I like it or not.

I want to know from a psychiatrist that why it happened. What was lacking in my life that I chased a person so much. I guess, all might not look that bad if he too expresses the same longing but he never expressed but had a lot of fun in teasing me and tons of fun in sharing with his friends. Maybe, in right frame of mind, I would have done the same. Mine was unbelievably unrealistic.

I still have not recovered totally. I still snoop for him online. But I am much much better than I was in 2008. I used to say sorry and used to plead whenever he was upset and used to beg him to accept my friendship. My whole life used to revolve around him. My anxiety level used to be so high and used to be depressed all the time. I almost lived like a dead body but used to feel alive whenever he used to communicate that too anonymous way.

Now, how can I know, why those things happened...was it post-pregnancy depression...or was it because of chemical imbalance as I was in between during that time, anemic too. When I talked about this person to my general doctor, all she said was to make friendship with someone local and to have good supportive friendship circle but even though I tried, no one made me happy other than him. I almost used to be ecstatic whenever we interacted. He had such a hold on me.

I'll never know the answers, never ever. Unless, someone with psychiatry background serendipitous-ly falls on this blog and would be willing to answer. Til then I'll live this mysterious lunatic life with full of unanswered questions or unless he comes and says I too felt the same way about you. But that's not going to happen because I know my brain and its thinking has gotten rotten.

At the end of this journey, my conclusion is love is just a temporary one and based on that people getting married is a terrible mistake. I am not saying that love marriages are unreliable but when you get married to someone, it is not based on only "love" but respect to that person, to your life and to your partner's life and the dreams you have for yourself. Because love is just a state of mind for certain period.

Does True Love exist? Maybe it exists. I still think about him but I know my limitations. I can't say for sure that love exists as I really can't hate him nor love him. So I am kind of in between. If he comes back and ever expresses any kind of good feelings, may be it exists because I think I may rebound or time may create detachment but til then I'll block it off from my mind and this question too will remain in unanswered list.