Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Here We Go Again..

I like Neon's "Here We go Again" song. Making me cry so much especially the line "Say Goodbye to my heart tonight".

Here we go again
I kinda wanna be more than friends
So take it easy on me
I'm afraid you're never satisfied.

Here we go again
We're sick like animals
We play pretend
You're just a cannibal

And I'm afraid I wont get out alive
No I won't sleep tonight

CHORUS:
Oh, oh
I want some more
Oh, oh
What are you waitin' for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight
Oh oh
I want some more
Oh oh
What are you waitin' for?
What are you waitin' for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight

Here we are again
I feel the chemicals kickin' in
It's gettin' heavier
I wanna run and hide
I wanna run and hide

I do it every time
You're killin' me now
And I won't be denied by you
The animal inside of you

CHORUS:
Oh, oh
I want some more
Oh, oh
What are you waitin' for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight.
Oh oh
I want some more
Oh oh
What are you waitin' for?
What are you waitin' for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight

Hush, hush
The world is quiet
Hush, hush
We both can't fight it
It's us that made this mess
Why can't you understand?
Whoa, I won't sleep tonight

I wont sleep tonight

Here we go again
Here we go again
Here we go again

CHORUS
Oh, oh
I want some more
Oh, oh
What are you waitin' for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight.
Oh oh
I want some more
Oh oh
What are you waitin' for?
What are you waitin' for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight.

Oh, oh
I want some more
Oh, oh
What are you waitin' for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight.
Oh oh
I want some more
Oh oh
What are you waitin' for?
What are you waitin' for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight.

Oh, oh
I want some more
Oh, oh
What are you waitin' for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight.
Oh oh
I want some more
Oh oh
What are you waitin' for?
What are you waitin' for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight.

When you walk on broken glass pieces, get ready to get hurt. That's the case with me. Knowingly everything that there is no future, I pushed myself so far to reach a person who doesn't belong to me ever. Really, from the get go it was not my fault.God made me to go through this journey. Yeah, that's what I believe. How many people we meet in this world but can we really find them on the internet. The answer is 'no', He purposefully made me know that persons last name or else I could have til now, I would have not been in this stage. Even though initially, when we got separated, I cried a lot like a little girl for her teddy bear but it might have sustained for few months and would have gone. But now, this has progressed for two years with relentless pain, uncertain future and unnecessary drag.

I was cheating myself by saying that all I need is friendship but it is more than that. Why does it pain if I see him with different woman? I don't know. May be because he can be nice with everyone other than me. That's why I decided to put period to all these. I deleted yahoo, google alerts, everything related to him. I want to run away far far away from him. I don't want to contact him anymore. I can take the pain of being far from him then watch him, not contacting me but having good time with other women and tease me through facebook. I don't know whether it is facebook or fakebook. How young people, keep on display their love for boyfriends and girlfriends? I want to run away from all these.

I always wondered, when someone loves someone so deeply that they can never leave them, ever. I used to question lovers motive of how can he/she think of going far away from the person whom they loved. Well, I got the answer. When there is unbearable everyday pain, when there is uncertainty, when there is no future of being together especially the "heartache"...then you want to run away to leave that person in peace and to make yourself come out of this agony.

One more thing, I wondered was about how two people know each others immense love but why on earth, they find it so difficult to explain to each other. When I read Nora Roberts "Heart Of The Sea", I wondered and said to myself "Oh come on! why the writer is dragging, when it is so clear Trevor and Darcy love each other but that time, I did not realize that as a reader I am knowing both of their emotions and affection for each other. Back to my story, that's exactly, I went through. I was always direct with my thoughts but other than saying directly about his feeling, he did everything which he could possibly can. I thought actions speak louder than words, but oh, boy! words too matter a lot. Without words, you will never know whether the actions are just for namesake or for fun/tease. After two years, I am so desperate to hear something good, something which makes jump with joy and make this world a beautiful place. I know, it will never happen. So,  I want to run away. I really wholeheartedly thought that he and I can be friends forever and be in touch but I can't keep on follow the women, he friends with and takes cute picture as a couple. Don't know, to tease or that's the truth. For two years, it was like Genesis song "That's All". Everything looks bright and suddenly from nowhere, we both are upset about each other and then long break up.


Just as I thought it was going alright
I find out I'm wrong, when I thought I was right
It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all
I could say day, you'd say night
Tell me it's black when I know that it's white
It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all
I could leave but I won't go
Though my heart might tell me so
I can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes
So why does it always seem to be Me looking at you, you looking at me
It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all
Turning me on, turning me off
Making me feel like I want too much
Living with you's just putting me through it all of the time
Running around, staying out all night
Taking it all instead of taking one bite
Living with you's just putting me through it all of the time
I could leave but I won't go
It'd be easier I knowI can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes
But why does it always seem to be Me looking at you, you looking at me
It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all
Truth is I love you
More that I wanted to
There's no point in trying to pretend
There's been no-one who
Makes me feel like you do
Say we'll be together till the end
I could leave but I won't go
It'd be easier I know
I can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes
But why does it always seem to be Me looking at you, you looking at me
It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all
Just as I thought it was going alright
I find out I'm wrong, when I thought I was right
It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all
I could say day, you'd say night
Tell me it's black when I know that it's white
It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all - that's all

Breaking up with someone is so hard. Especially, to live everyday knowing that you'll never again interact with that person, once you take the break-up decision. I don't know, how Hollywood actors and actresses deal with it, when you all the time, get the ex-partner's post-breakup news even when you want to run away from them. Life is tough. Better not to get attached to anyone. Life will be much easier.

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