Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Fluctuated mind!

You think that something you want really bad without it you can't survive but when you see a possibility of happening, you will back off. You will think that backing off might be good. But then again if you realize its not going to happen, then you are back to your miserable state.

I am talking about me having a friendship with a person whom I want to have a friendship but then don't want to have. When I noticed that misunderstanding lifted off, a chance of friendship may bloom then I visualized so much about speaking on the phone as I got a private call don't know for sure it was that person but what can I speak, no common interests, widely apart worlds,  no common grounds...just like the song "Breakfast at Tiffany's". . This is not the age to play hide and seek and talk with someone, it will be so shameful but anyway now again chances look bleak so I am back to my miserable days.

Don't know what I want and on top of it everything is so complicated. But that visualization revealed that what can go wrong if friendship develops. I have to act like a teenager but I am a grown up, brain has matured, consciousness is wide awake, knows what is wrong what is right so how can I live a double life....will be disgraceful. Wish we could have an open friendship but I don't know what you are scared off.

This song keep on playing in my head "With or Without you' by U2.

When I see a beautiful friendship among married couples then I realize I should be looking for friendship at home not from an outside person. But what's wrong in having a bond or a friendship with other person, I just want to be in touch forever in good or bad times because unknowingly with twist of fate, I developed an affection over this person.

Anyway days will pass, weeks will pass, years will pass and I will live with or without you.

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