Friday, August 27, 2010

Why is it so important to have friends?

This question is killing me. I never gave that much thought to it when I was growing up. I have three siblings and never felt I'll miss out if I don't create a bond with anybody outside the house.

Now a days, all I hear is about having friends is so important. I do understand but 'not having friends' topic is freaking me out. I had college friends but I never really kept in touch with them once I got married. Now, I just don't know how to act friendly with some unknown person and start conversation about my life. How and when do we get to a point where we can designate a role of friendship to them. Even my husband feels the pressure of not having close friends so he enforces on my kids to be social, to talk with everybody.

But I want my kids to be strong and not bother about this as eventually some will like you and some won't and your heart will be broken for this non-trivial issues.

The other day when my son was coming on the school bus, nobody sat with him. The kid who was supposed to sit with him, chose to sit with someone else. And that's it we both started with our adult brains preaching and making him think like adults crooked and view everything suspicious. Ugh..I hate when parents influence kids brain. Next day the same boy came to my son and said lets sit together everyday on the bus. There it resolved. Now, my daughter's friend decided to sit with someone else and the other girl said she want to sit alone so my daughter sat alone without anybody. My husband started lecturing her about socializing and making new friends. I said to her, if someone sits next to you, you be nice and talk or else just read some book and be yourself and don't bother yourself of who ditched you and who not.

I just don't know what is right and what is wrong. How to make my kids have these so called BFF's when I myself don't know how to have at least one? I do speak with my sister everyday. We share everything from laughs to sadness. That kind of bond formed because I know her from birth. I can talk anything from my family topics to gossips. Its hard to do with anybody else. So can sister be my BFF? I really don't know how to create that special bond with someone outside my family.

Once somehow I got attached to a guy and I wanted him badly to be my friend as he can't be anything else other than a friend but because he is a opposite sex, it became too complicated. And the other time my daughter's classmates mom tried her level best to be my friend, I got suspicious over her and her motives as she wanted to speak on phone everyday that too anytime, anywhere and of course more  than 45-minutes conversation. I am not much of a phone person. At first I did not know how to end the conversation and still I don't know so I stopped answering her phone but used to respond through emails or texts. Once I did not answer her on home phone or cell phone or to her text so she frantically even sent a message on my facebook too. I just did not understand why someone will be so bothered about me and my health and my situation. The one thing that bothered about her is if I take one step, she competitively used to take two steps more. She used to copy my every move. I just did not like her much. So anyway some misunderstanding came and we broke up. So my question is did I lose a friend who possibly could have been my BFF? She talks with me but not like the way it was before.

There was a quiz of Oprah about what kind of friend you are. How can I take part in quiz when I really don't have friends. Another article about how every mom should have a friend, 6-Friends-Every-Mom-Needs-in-Her-Momtourag

Will someone tell how it all starts to label someone as a friend?

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